Feeling like you can't tell people about your autism

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I have the same problem that the OP is currently experience. I would like to tell my friends about Aspergers, but I'm afraid to. I think they will disown me or be confused about it. Another reason why I don't tell people about my AS is that my told me not to when I was a kid. In third grade, my mom told me about AS, and after the discussion, she told me to never tell my friends about my AS. I still am afriad to tell anyone about it because it will be too risky. I have learned to hide my AS traits well enough to pass as a quirky NT. I'm fine with that, and I don't want my friends to change their opinions about me as a result of my AS. I may be crazy, but I don't want them to think I'm a societal freak. This fear might be a bit of an overreaction, but I refuse to tell anyone about it.

That's interesting - I can't recall ever being told not to tell anyone, although I generally didn't tell people as a kid, anyway. I learned on my own, from telling people about it as a kid, not to tell people about it unless I really felt they needed to know.

I've always wanted people I interact with regularly to know, but I can't. It's such a major defining part of my personality and everything about me, but I can't tell anyone because of the ways in which they would react.

I can'tell my employer because it is certain they would create a reason ("that may possibly impact your ability to effectively work" or the like) to axe me because of it. Though it seems illegal, certain jobs have their exceptions.

Currently I'm still a protected species, but there's now talk of taking the unprecedented step of compulsory redundancies here soon, and businesses are lobbying to legalise "blame-free dismissal" in the UK (what a euphemism!).........plus they can and do discriminate against Aspies when they hire people......it's hard to prove any of that has anything to do with being an Aspie, because they're not bound to quotas like they are with skin colour and gender. I'd have been a lot more wary of telling them about my DX if I hadn't been so near to retirement anyway.

If I get the diagnosis next week, I'll likely at first simply continue on the path I've set as I've been going through the assessment process: tell the people I think will be okay with it and say that I'm being very open about it, so that it's not a secret. I want to know who my friends really are. I want to set forth a positive image of people with Asperger's by being open with people who already have a positive view of me, even though this will also involve revealing more of my difficulties. I can also do this as I meet new people, if I meet them under good circumstances, just as my girlfriend and I have done with being an out couple and as I've done with being out personally as gay (having come out at age 15). In time, I plan to find ways to advocate, which will make me even more out, as happened with my activist history before. But I will still, to some extent, likely make decisions in any given moment based on circumstances. There may be times when it will go unmentioned, either because it doesn't come up (and has no reason to) or because I feel unsafe.

I often have to confront the things I have to deal with as a woman who's gay and gender bent; who has fibromyalgia; and who has other things to deal with, whether they turn out to be from Asperger's or not in the end; as a warrior or a tough guy. That's what getting through life takes sometimes, and being out may sometimes involve telling people that and explaining how it is so. I realize not everyone (from any of the categories I belong to) can act in this manner. But I feel that puts a responsibility on me, as someone who at least sometimes can, to do it on behalf of others, so they don't have to and so they might suffer less for being unable to.

Be private if it's best for you. I understand and will not judge. I only hope to do my part, trying to make the world a bit better if I can. Even people dealing with things I've never faced have benefited me because of their efforts and might also benefit from what I do, so it's all related. I'll just have to see what I can do and then try my best at it.

I want to add that some people's initial reaction to a thing is different from their later reaction. Sometimes, when they first hear about it, they're really judgmental. But the more they hear about it (maybe from multiple people, over time), the more they move towards a better attitude. Then some of them even claim that was their attitude all along! So, just because it puts it on the radar at last, the person who mistreats you now might be better to someone else later on. No guarantee, but it can happen. I try to put my personal risk in that context, in case I have to deal with something nasty.

Of course, sometimes a nasty reaction comes in the form of something truly damaging and/or inescapable. But people who are just being socially mean can go twist a threaded metal bit into a block of wood. I may be hurt, but I'll get over it and not waste further time with them.

I've noticed this with some people I've told in the past. They will act differently around me, treat me differently, speak to me differently, etc. Then they'll over time adjust.