Question for those who are periodically mute

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I usually don't mute out but when I do it's because I'm frustrated or just don't want to talk, or want to back off from a situation. Most times though I just try to walk off, and if I can't escape, then I mute up. It isn't very rigid though and can be broken by persistent passive-aggressive pushing, and it feels kinda like a knife being shoved in the groove of a walnut to wedge it open. Afterwards I'll talk but nothing useful, just more of a ploy to make the other person shut up and so I can go off and feel better. Usually when I get like this I can also rub my head against something like a wall or railing out of frustration just because it's like, "leave me alone okay?!"

Also, rarely, if I'm really upset about something but really don't want to talk about it, sometimes it ferments inside and I dwell on it. Kinda weird. I don't really think of anything then, can't really even put my finger on the exact emotion, just negativity.

^This.

I have two different types of muteness. One, where I can't find the words to fit my thoughts. I am a concept thinker and have trouble finding the right way to describe what is in my head. Two, I know exactly what I want to say but I can't force the words out. Usually this is a result of anxiety or fear. It also happens when I am discussing something painful. It feels like a completely stuffed nose only in my throat. I try to force the air out, but it can't go thru and just causes pressure. Both are scary. The first one makes me feel like there is something lost in my mind and the other makes me feel like a wuss who can't even force her own voice to work.

I have two types of mutism – short-term and long-term – but neither are frightening. It happens for exactly the same reason as asking an old computer to do too many things at once or trying to get a really crappy internet connection to play a Flash animation: it's just an overload.

My short-term mutism usually happens when I'm in a group of people, or in a crowded situation. When there are a lot of conversations happening in the background, my brain can hear all of them at exactly the same level of priority as the voice of the person I'm with – it can't treat them as 'background noise' and filter them out. My brain short-circuits, and my throat closes up. All I have to do is physically move away from the situation and walk in a circle with my eyes focused downwards (with the 'visual input' channel tuned out for a few seconds to reduce the overload) and my brain seems able to re-set. For this reason I completely avoid situations like restaurants, where I'm trapped in a seated position in a room full of furniture and I can't just wander off and press my Force Quit/End Current Task button.

The more difficult type of mutism – and this may well happen to your daughter – is when I'm feeling strong emotion. It's the problem with inadequate RAM and the out of date processor again: the old computer can either run Quark or Photoshop, it can't do both at the same time. I can either feel intensely or I can speak, I can't do both at the same time. This is a real problem for me, especially as my emotions are quick to rise and often more intense than the situation demands. So if my manager criticises me unfairly, or I hear someone being racially offensive, or I see an animal that's been run over, I'm totally unable even to process the situation, let alone speak. If you've ever been traumatised by being in a car accident or witnessing something really awful, your brain might have done the same thing temporarily. Needless to say, it leads to trouble when it happens simply through being slightly angry: if your manager thinks you've done something really stupid when you haven't, but you're completely unable to explain, it leads to criticism and could even mean discipline. Now we have email, this is less of a problem – I hold my hands up, walk away, wait for my brain to start processing again, and email my explanation or reasons for whatever it was.

The hardest thing for me – the very hardest thing – is being in a romantically intimate situation. My computer doesn't just hang, it crashes completely. Both my brain and my body freeze, and I can neither speak nor respond. This leads, of course, to the other person thinking I'm not interested/not willing. I never found a way round it; at 53, I've never had a romantic relationship that lasted beyond the first few encounters. This won't be an issue for your daughter just now, of course, but it demonstrates the importance of learning strategies for dealing with mutism. I'm only recently diagnosed and have never tried to have a relationship since I realised I'm autistic, so I haven't had a chance to try and explain why this happens – before I had no way of explaining it, I just thought I had some kind of weird intimacy issue.

I hope this makes some kind of sense. For me, the computer analogy is a good one – a hang or even a crash doesn't do any damage, it's just a case of allowing the computer time to catch up or going through a re-boot process. People with sensory processing disorder simply have no filters, either for external sensory input or internal emotional input: they feel, see, hear, smell and touch things much more intensely than people who don't have it, and the extreme level of the input means they just can't process it fast enough. Being tired makes it much worse, of course.

She no longer has a speech therapist. She did when she was younger, and she may need one in the next few years to help with pragmatic issues, but for now, she is only receiving social skills support.

She does write in the air sometimes when this happens. When school starts up again, I'm going to have them make note to give her access to paper and pencil. Though I am not sure the capability expands beyond one or two words, since air-writing is not very efficient.

I should add that this does not happen that often. It is just one aspect of her experience that I am curious about.

Last edited by InThisTogether on 08 Jul 2012, 7:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

I do my best to leave her be and just wait it out. But I have to admit that sometimes it looks so volitional that I probably press her too much.

Bloodheart,

Yes. I understand exactly what you mean. That's what my daughter was like before she learned to speak. It was like all of a sudden it "clicked" and she knew what talking was for, and then she learned it very fast. But up to a certain point, I don't think she had any idea what it's purpose was, so she had no use for it.

She is much more likely to shutdown. She gets a glazed-over look on her face and responds more slowly to things like her name being called. In some ways she becomes semi-catatonic. She would just stand there and not move for an extended period of time if she was allowed to. I get the impression from watching her that either her mind is a complete blank, or it's a cacophony. I can't tell which.

This paper might help explain what is possibly going on:

http://www.shutdownsandstressinautism.c ... Autism.pdf

A more elaborate, scientifically jargony version of the above paper:

http://www.ingridloosmiller.com/files/SI-SDinAutism.pdf

My kids' neurologist says "A kid with ADHD does something right once, and we hold it against them forever." IOW, he is saying that just because someone is able to do something once, it doesn't mean they will always be able to do it and it isn't about motivation or trying. Sometimes they just can't.

Since this is my own thread, I assume I am allowed to go off-topic?

I am feeling a bit excited at the moment.

I have never found anyone who thinks like me, and I think maybe I have? Can you describe what you mean by "concept thinker"? Do you sometimes know something, but you do not know how to tell others what you know or how you know it until you sit down and work it out? Do you have multiple levels of thoughts going on at once and your conscious awareness kind of "pings" through them? Would you describe your thought process as....um.....swirling or humming?

Hmm, this sounds very much like me, but I don't know what my type of thinking I classify as. I do know I'm extremely visual for the most part and when I mute out it's like all the words that normally 'line up' to come out have a multi-word pile-up that takes a while to clear. Normally happens when I'm frustrated. I studied sign language for 3 yrs at community college and I can sign what I'm thinking perfectly during times like this, because it's more conceptual-based than word based. Problem is, none of my family signs so it's not actually effective.

Finger spelling (or even writing) for me wouldn't work because in these situations I don't have access to the word itself, but it sounds like your daughter knows the word she wants so finger spelling could be a great way to get around that. It's a lot easier than finding a pencil and paper and probably easier for you to decipher than drawing the letters in the air.

Totally agree with this.
I still get this, as at times my mind goes totally blank and the words just aren't there.

My trigger tends to be severe anxiety when I am already overwhelmed- I then become nearly incapable of talking and actively avoid situations like this.

When it happens, I do feel frustrated. I sometimes get angry with myself (or rather, my brain). It just takes some time for me to get past it. I've spent most of my life battling this.

What's important to remember is that she is not necesarily being mute by choice. It may be that she is incapable of speech for that time. Don't push it too much, otherwise it could be made even worse...

Yes, this interests me, too (although I think I am more of a story or narrative thinker).

People have asked me before what I picture when I think of "dog" I don't picture any dog, I don't think of the word "dog", I just have the general idea of "dog" that connects to other general ideas like "wolf". In order to come up with either words or pictures I have to go through a translation layer.


Yes. This is something that can be quite frustrating. It can be really hard to work out even sometimes. Sometimes I can't do those mental translations well at all.



Not always, but generally yeah.



I don't know what you mean by that.

I don't really know how to describe my though process, though in some ways it is comparable to a relational database.

re: mutism

This happens to me on occassion - I'm 33 not diagnosed - what causes it for me is people pressuring me for my feelings or an emotional response when I'm stressed or upset.

This causes some sort of instant crushing headache / lump in throat that can only be relieved by NOT talking and worsens through trying to communicate.

Jason.

I was selectively mute for a time as a child; I will still go mute--or near mute--at times, typically when I'm upset about something.

My then-college-aged sister wrote a paper on me for a class, and in that, I described the feeling as "my brain wouldn't let me talk when I wanted to." This is still how I feel in some situations.

I have been selectively mute at times, especially as a child and for me it usually takes effort to put my thoughts into words, even when writing or typing.
I'm not sure how I think, I can't figure it out, but sometimes words seem inadequate and silence can be comforting.
Sometimes I just feel like I'm in my own world and can't connect.

I think there is nothing wrong with wanting to be quiet for a while. It can be peaceful. And I can see how spelling words in the air to communicate could be kind of fun.