Why the hell do people always think i'm a guy?! !

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PixelPony
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20 Jul 2012, 3:11 am

League_Girl wrote:

So honestly I feel angry about it too. I just with they be more honest like say they are bio male but they are female on the inside or just say they are transgender so that way people will know they are not a real female.

Rant deleted. Here's the shorter politer version:

I'm sorry your friend was hurt, but you're blaming innocent people for the actions of a few guilty ones because they share the same medical condition. That's just as inaccurate as saying all Neurotypicals are cruel because a few were bullies, or that all aspies / autistics are violent because a few are. And requiring a transgendered person to announce their status just as insensitive and dangerous to them as it would be to require the same of an autistic person.

Also, some of your comments about transgendered people were hurtful and insulting. I'm letting you know in hopes that you spoke in ignorance instead of intending harm.

puddingmouse
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20 Jul 2012, 3:18 am

PixelPony wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

I don't want to out League Girl too much, but she used to be into a fetish community. That partly explains why she would want a 'trans' status online.

However, I do agree with you that it sounds very offensive to say than trans women are not 'real women', but that reflects how larger society unfortunately thinks.

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Heidi80
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20 Jul 2012, 3:22 am

puddingmouse wrote:

PixelPony wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

That's why I don't give a s**t about "larger society's" values

ooo
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20 Jul 2012, 3:27 am

League_Girl wrote:

I still feel mislead when someone puts in their wrong gender. To me your gender is your outside, not how you feel.

Your sex = the dominant anatomy you were born with. Even hermaphrodites have a dominant gender and dominant hormones.

Your gender on forms and employment, etc. = sex.

Your preferred/associated gender for social purposes = whatever you identify with.

Obviously some things you should use your sex as the identifier-- I would be angry if someone who was a female by sex associated with the male gender, said they were male, then worked in the male dressing room... or vice versa.

You can have cosmetic reconstructive surgery to add or remove certain parts of the anatomy, but you still can't construct a 100% functional penis complete with reproductive capabilities nor a 100% working female reproductive system complete with eggs, uterus, and associated hormones. The surgery makes you look more like your chosen gender preference, but it doesn't (obviously) completely make you the opposite sex with fully reproductive abilities and all traits and hormones of the opposite sex. Some people choose to take hormones to aid in the process. The "man" who had a baby was a born female by sex, who took male hormones and opted to keep the vagina they were born with as a female sex human. The magazines were misleading "man has a baby" -- no, a "female sex person born female who is a man by desired gender" has a baby. Socially, sure, "a man had a baby." Scientifically, "a person born as a female sex person had a baby, after having a mastectomy and taking male hormones." No one implanted a vagina and female reproductive system into a person born by sex as a male-- that would be interesting.

Verdandi
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20 Jul 2012, 3:37 am

League_Girl wrote:

I still feel mislead when someone puts in their wrong gender. To me your gender is your outside, not how you feel.

Feeling mislead is your responsibility, not theirs. Your ignorance of trans people does not mean they should live in a manner that accommodates your ignorance and assumptions.

Quote:

I just with they be more honest like say they are bio male but they are female on the inside or just say they are transgender so that way people will know they are not a real female.

"Bio male" is a meaningless phrase. Everyone is biological, but biology encompasses far more than the shape one's genitals were identified as at birth. I don't see any reason to claim that any transgender woman is "not a real female" - nor that transgender man is "not a real male." It's not really any trans person's place to make any cis person feel comfortable with their presence, to warn them so as to "protect" you from feeling deceived or whatever emotions you feel that you want to make them responsible for.

Quote:

People do the same with age too, they will claim to be an age they are not because that is how they feel on the inside but to me that is so misleading. I feel lied to when they do that. On a forum I go to, they have real age in profile and fake age in profile so members there are able to list their real age and their age they feel or role playing age.

This is not even in the same ballpark as being transgender, and the comparison strikes me as potentially insulting.

outofplace
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20 Jul 2012, 3:37 am

ooo wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

I still feel mislead when someone puts in their wrong gender. To me your gender is your outside, not how you feel.

Agreed. For dating purposes, this needs to be dealt with head on in the beginning. A transgender person who fails to explain this from the onset can cause a lot of hurt to someone who is expecting a natural member of whatever gender they are attracted to. If the person then decided to go ahead with whatever they are going to do with that person, then it is done in honesty and with respect paid to both people. I do not hate transgender people, but I would only date someone who is both mentally and biologically fully female, with all of her sex organs as they came when she was born. I would be very hurt if I was in a relationship and found the situation to be otherwise. I would end a relationship immediately upon learning of such a situation which would end up hurting the other party as well. Remember that dating and sexual relationships have different expectations than friendship. I could be friends with a transgender person but never lovers.

*EDIT for clarification* When I said I would hurt the other person, I was NOT referring to violence or anything physical. What I meant was that the experience would likely be psychologically hurtful to the other person because of the lack of acceptance of who they are. I would be neither mean nor cruel to them in breaking off the relationship as I am not that sort of person. If friendship were still possible past that point, I would still be their friend and help them if I could. Sorry for the confusion. I just re-read this post and saw how what I said could be misconstrued to mean something other than what I intended it to mean.

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Last edited by outofplace on 20 Jul 2012, 4:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Verdandi
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20 Jul 2012, 3:42 am

puddingmouse wrote:

The fact that "larger society thinks that way" is not a defense. It's an excuse.

DrPenguin
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20 Jul 2012, 3:46 am

I have to say its very difficult to assign gender from anyone's online writing (a lot easier with hand writing) think the male to neutral fonts gives a more masculine impression.

The standard practice in our gaming community was to treat every one as male unless they ask for female (even if its obvious either way) a lot of female gamers preferred to stay as male although we even had one guy playing a woman character so preferred to be called she when in game.

I tend to think in XX and XY terms, well also XXY, XYY etc so sex is relatively decided but also determined by external factors so overall people should be allowed to do what makes them happy as long as it doesn't harm anyone else (unless they ask for it)

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20 Jul 2012, 3:47 am

outofplace wrote:

Actually, I disagree. I think it is up to a transgender person whether to disclose to anyone they date. They should not be under any obligation to reveal their medical history to you just because you're on a date. You're essentially stating that they must reveal intimate life details just to be able to participate fully in society. And you're stating it so as to protect you from accidentally dating a transgender woman. But what about protecting transgender people from dating someone like you, who will react badly to the possibility that they are transgender? Perhaps it would be reasonable for you to disclose to any dates that you are not interested in transgender people.

I think I'm going to save a link to this thread for the next time some Aspie claims that Aspies are immune to socialization and prejudice.

League_Girl
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20 Jul 2012, 3:52 am

puddingmouse wrote:

PixelPony wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Uh I'm still am. I have left them for awhile due to not standing their attitudes (nothing to do with transgender) but I am back. I have come and go. Now I frequent them again and Fetlife. Luckily they do have transgender options.

Sorry but they are just my feelings and sorry if they offend anyone. I have nothing against them really. I don't really see transgender as a condition (though I know it's considered one), I see it the same way as how I view homosexuality and bisexuality, also not a condition.

Now I am gonna stop posting on this topic so I won't upset anyone else and start a drama.

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puddingmouse
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20 Jul 2012, 4:14 am

Verdandi wrote:

puddingmouse wrote:

The fact that "larger society thinks that way" is not a defense. It's an excuse.

Agreed.

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outofplace
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20 Jul 2012, 4:15 am

Verdandi wrote:

outofplace wrote:

It actually protects both parties from negative outcomes. As far as it goes, I am a very passive and non-violent person so I would pose no threat to someone in this situation. However, that does not mean that no one would. This is why I think the data should be given up front, or at least fairly early in the relationship. Some males would see this as a sort of betrayal and might react in a VERY negative way. All I am suggesting is openness and honesty. If I were to have a medical condition that made me infertile, I would disclose it early in a relationship. Doing otherwise would not be providing the other person with relevant data. However, I also do not think anyone has to worry about me in this situation. I can count on one hand (with fingers left over) the number of dates I have had in my life. I also will not knowingly date anyone outside of my faith or political beliefs, but have friends that differ from me in these areas. I have a certain expectation of what I want in a family life should I (theoretically) ever get married. While I don't fault anyone for wanting things for their own lives, I do think I have the right to have hopes and desires of my own. Thus, if I were to find someone, I would want it to be someone I could have children with and who wants to have them too. It seems though that in your world view, my desires should take a back burner to someone else because they want to live life as a female but were born biologically male. Sorry but my wants and desires have equal weight to that of anyone else and need to be respected just as much as theirs do.

Last edited by outofplace on 20 Jul 2012, 4:24 am, edited 3 times in total.

Verdandi
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20 Jul 2012, 4:15 am

puddingmouse wrote:

Verdandi wrote:

puddingmouse wrote:

The fact that "larger society thinks that way" is not a defense. It's an excuse.

Agreed.

Sorry if that came across as having a go at you, btw. I realize you weren't defending.

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20 Jul 2012, 4:25 am

Verdandi wrote:

puddingmouse wrote:

Verdandi wrote:

puddingmouse wrote:

The fact that "larger society thinks that way" is not a defense. It's an excuse.

Agreed.

Sorry if that came across as having a go at you, btw. I realize you weren't defending.

It's ok.

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hanyo
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20 Jul 2012, 4:28 am

I've had plenty of people make the assumption that I was male and if I had a female avatar or told them I was female they would then tell me I'm not because there are no women on the internet, especially in online games because women don't play video games.

Ilka
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20 Jul 2012, 6:11 am

Sparx wrote:

It's just the default gender to assign to an anonymous in most people's minds.

Sparx is right: If gender is not specified I always assume = male.

And I thought CockneyRebel was a male.

You can always explain in the same post that you are female so the same people who gave you advise before can edit it for our gender.

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