SItuation I dont understand, please help

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I don't want to upset you with my post, but WHY does she need you to draw in a certain style and WHY did she want you to quit reading fiction?!

I'm sorry, but I do not believe a friend has a right to control any aspect of your life like this. I mean, if she doesn't like your art, she can always not look at it, but tell you how and what to draw?! And if she doesn't like what you read, she can always decline to talk about it with you, but prevent you from reading what you want?!

I have very close relationships with a few friends and I tell them most of what goes through my mind. They do the same with me and we are honest with each other. But we respect each other's boundaries, you know. If they don't like something about what I'm doing, they are able to tell me so, but they never tried to make me change my behavior. If they don't like something I'm interested in, they tell me and I do my best to not bring the topic to their attention, but none of them has ever asked me to relinquish an interest I had, because they didn't like it. It's my life and, if it doesn't impact them, they don't interfere with it... And I have the same attitude towards them.

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Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

Frankly, is sounds like she has a Theory of Mind problem herself. She seems to have trouble relating to anyone who thinks differently from her, and can't see things from the other person's perspective.

People don't have to be walking lockstep to be friends. It is none of her business if you are reading fiction or not.

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If it don't come easy . . . .
. . . .hack it until it works right

Aspie score: 142/200 NT score: 64/200
AQ Score: 42
BAP: 109 aloof, 94 rigid and 85 pragmatic

Well she is always telling me she is concerned about me about my way of thinking. Says that I need to think before I speak. I can understand this because I act impulsively when I am exited, but it doesn't last long these days, because there is always something bringing me down.

To come to a non art/book example:

I had a meltdown once at wal-mart. We where gonna purchase an outdoor gazebo, the easy erect kind, to use when outside to hide from the sun. The thing comes packed sort of like a long suit case with a handle that you use to drag the contraption on two wheels. The sound of these wheels . . good golly . . they where painful and uncomfortable to a degree that I burst into tears after a few seconds of hearing them and them not stopping. She was sort of understanding, waited until I stopped my crying fit and tried to rationalize that the reason it was uncomfortable and my reaction to it where things I could control. I didn't argue because this has been her argument for years. She says thoughts aren't like breathing and if you act on something means you thought about it first and I had to learn to think things through. So I didn't argue, just listened, nodded, wiped my face, moved on with the day.

Later on a week or so later, we where at the camping section looking for a flashlight, an employee was dragging one of these things. In terror, I covered my ears. I didn't want to cry again, it was obviously an undesirable reaction for others. She just looked at me angrily and said "Oh please (insert my name here) get over it, its just wheels you make more annoying sounds than that yourself, sounding like an excited 6 year old all the time".

I have a high-pitched soprano-1 voice (i can sing, too) but I sound very childish on the phone and people still think i am 15 at 29 >< and I am self-conscious about this, and she knows it but she took a jab at it anyways. I was already sorry that it bothered me the first time, and my preventative measure didn't work.

I care about her to pieces, but I never seem to be "the kind of friend" she needs. And its those "little" things that seem to always drive her over the edge with me. Just now she called me out of the bedroom because I put her gulp cup with melted slushy in the sink. I was gonna wash it later. She asked me why I did it. I said, because I was going to wash it later. She was like, why? its just juice. I was like, its melted slushy. but,, do you want me to put it in the fridge? she did not answer. I am like WTF? thinking to myself TELL ME WHAT THE f**k YOU WANT!! I cant stop rocking . .. typing is getting hard. More later.

I'm not sure what to say, but from the examples you gave it seems to me at least that your friend does not believe you are on the spectrum and so reacts badly when faced with proof contrary to her beliefs about you.

I do not know why you are doing her homework for her. If she is able to do the work she should do it herself. It is her work to do. If she needs help she should ask for help through the school instead of having you do the work for her.

I'm not always good with words so I hope I don't upset anyone too much.

Maybe your friend was having a bad day during your examples, but if not and that is how she generally treats you then she is not treating you the way YOU need a friend to treat you. (I capitalized for emphasis).

Friendship, like any relationship, is a two way thing. Both people have to give of themselves as well as take from the other. Neither one should just take or just give. (I don't know how to simplify what give and take mean if you're unfamiliar with the terms. Sorry.)

I think our relationship is very complicated. She has always been overly critical of me, and even with a PDD NOS diagnosis that I had initially after a serious breakdown, she has become even more so. Not to mention she is having problems with her husband, which I think makes things worse for me.

May day tends to be full of too much activity. I barely have time to sit for a few dedicated hours to do something I CHOOSE to do. I will sit down at the computer and she will say she is hungry, so I will go make her something to eat. She wants to change clothes for us to go out, I take them out of the closet for her, whatever she asks me to take out.

I am starting to notice that she will say things like "I need this or that" And I will go, OK. And in a minute or two she will go, irritated "I said I need such and such, why didn't you get it". I am doing homework (mine or hers) and she will talk to me non-stop about what she is doing at the moment be it a video game, something she has thought off to get work, whatever and get mad if I do not look up from the computer or loose track of what she is saying, claiming I can multi task and I just never give a s**t about what she says.

She hates me coming to WP, last time she told me she was disgusted by it so I promised I would not, but I come when she can't tell and I don't get e-mail notifications anymore, because she looks at my e-mail sometimes when I have it open. I feel bad that I lied, but I need this place.

Is there a way you can find a living arrangement separately from her, should you decide you want to?

No.

I have little family and none I can live with. My father died and my mother is actually abusive. I came to live to LA state with a dude I met on-line and his parents. They are nice, but they are not very neat and his mom is controlling. We are friends, but I can't live with them anymore. I have no money. All i get are school refunds and food stamps, same as her. One of our roomates works. We pull all our funds together to pay for this trailer house we are purchasing together, the rent, gas, etc.

I can't drive. She owns the car.

My big sister is evil my middle sister has 4 children, two of them disabled and her husband is disabled to.

I tried to get SSI but after my PDD NOS diagnosis and my chronic asthma, when i moved out here from California I went to a free clinic and they changed my diagnosis around a lot in three months then said I may just have mild depression, and the judge was this ass-whole that didn't like my lawyer. I got denied again. I just gave up on that whole thing.

I want to re-iterate its not bad all the time. But disagreements happen, you know? I just handle situations so poorly. Get overly focused on things even when being talked to. I can be rude, insensitive, etc. I don't blame her for the hole I am in.

I don't know how to put this, but I think none of the things you listed about her are all right. It's not a friend's place to tell you what websites to visit and she has no right to invade your privacy and check your e-mail. It's not right and friends are not supposed to be doing this.

Perhaps you should prevent her from doing this. Change your e-mail password and your WP password. Create a password for your computer. Or, if you share the same computer, create different user accounts and protect yours with a password. It's none of her business to know about your web surfing history...

Besides that, you're her friend, not her slave. She can cook her own dinner, right? She can get her own clothes too. Why is it that you need to do those things for her? If I lived with any of my friends, I wouldn't even dream about asking them to do all those things for me, as long as I can do them myself. It's true that friends help each other, but does she really need this kind of help?

Why is she so against your diagnosis? You've been officially diagnosed, after all.

_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD

Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie.

Mirror, you have to focus your energies on trying to find help. A social worker assigned to your case and social security money every month. You need to get out of that situation in some way, because you're being seriously used and abused, and what worries me most is that these scenarios escalate. You need to find support that strengthens you to understand that what she does to you is not because of anything you do. You have the victim personality I used to have. Would it be possible for you, at the very least, to join an online forum for battered wives (yes, don't laugh) or abused women, without her having access to what you write and read there? I'm very sorry to say this, but you're not safe in this situation, to put it mildly. Abusers target people like you, who believe they deserve the treatment because they have some basic defects. I'm going to pray that you're given access to a social worker asap, through public health (I don't know how these things work in your country) or the institution where you study. Maybe Americans here know of some way.

What is the 10th floor?

psychiatric ward. and regardless of our problems I know she would never let them send me to an awful place like that, ever. she promised.