Is this an AS trait and what is it called?

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I used to think that when people yelled at me, it was because they were mad at me. Now I know people can yell because they are upset about something else or because they are scared or because the topic is upsetting them or the situation.

I used to think that if no one tells you to stop, they don't mind it. Now I know they are just being polite or are too afraid to say anything

I used to think if someone doesn't act bothered or upset or never tells you to stop when you are calling them names or teasing them, they didn't mind it and didn't care if you do it to them or not. Now I know people just ignore it and pretend to not care because if they tell you, then you might do it more.

I also used to buy the busy excuse. I still buy it but then I get skeptical if they are busy every time

I used to think that when people laughed, it was because they found it funny, now I can't tell anymore why they are laughing because people laugh for different reasons like if you said something wrong or they thought it was cute or because they are embarrassed

I used to think everyone was honest and said things they meant and always wanted the truth. Now I know people lie and now I am skeptical of everything people say unless I trust them.

I used to think what I say and write, people will interpret it the same way I had it, I still have this difficulty

I also thought how I interpret things I read, people see it the same way I see it, I still have this difficulty

The internet sure brings things out and you learn from it all by reading. That is where I learned most of this stuff.

daydreamer, indeed people changing the subject, exactly as you described it, is one of the major hurdles for me in relating. Nowadays I get it, but too late and not always.

TTRSage, it does sound like a combination of taking things literally and lack of cognitive empathy, probably with more in the mixture as you mention, that we are so different from others that even if trying to put ourselves in their shoes, we can't comprehend. Eg. I would never insist on all the wonderful things we'll do together if I have no intention to meet you ever. To me it's a sick game.

Every time people have changed the subject, I have always gotten distracted and would forget about what I was talking about and not go back to what i was talking about because I would literally forget. I just thought they decided to go off topic and I was taught as a kid about staying on topic and people break that rule anyway.

I wonder what does it mean to respond to social cues right but still read them wrong? No one will ever guess you read it wrong.

it most certainly is an aspie trait. not knowing the reason behind other people's actions, not understanding why people do or say what they do.

I think the theory of the lack of theory of mind may not be all it's cracked up to be. I think a lot of this stuff can be explained by simply having different instincts. I.e. a profound lack of guile.

I.e. I think most people, ASD and NT, assume that others are the same as them, internally. So, if you are the kind of person who always says what you mean, then you'd probably not consider the possibility that other people might not always say what they mean. Since there are people who do not say what they mean, there is a failure of theory of mind -- in BOTH directions. ASD people get confused by NTs saying things they don't mean, and NT's read things into ASD communication that aren't there.

But ASD folk, being on the pathologized side of things, are said to be the ones who have something wrong with their modelling of (most) other people's minds. It's actually correct, but only because NT's are in the majority, so their assumption of mental-sameness is correct 99% of the time they communicate with someone.

I have learned from my husband that sometimes people will tell you something like "if you need this, just let me know" just to get you off their back.

Well my ex did this to me, my first one, he was always hogging up the internet and never got off and I was getting frustrated so I had a meltdown over it one time and he told me if I want to use the internet, just let him know and he will get off and let me use it. So I started to tell him I want him to get off so I can use it now and he would always complain and it be a hassle to get him off every time. Same as when I tell him I want the internet when I am out of the shower, he still be on. I would have to fight with him again to get him off it so I can use it. I even tried to be more clear thinking he was not understanding, being very explicit and using every detail telling him when I say I want the computer when I get out of the shower, I mean I want you to get off, hook it up to my computer and have it be ready by the time I am out of the shower. If you hear the water go off, then that is time to hook it up to my computer so it be ready by the time I come into the room. Still didn't happen. For years I never understood why he would contradict himself. Say he would give it to me if I want it but instead he would always complain and be impatient when I use it and it was always a hassle to fight him to get off it. My husband then told me he was just trying to get me off his back so he said that. I then said "Well it sure backfired then." He knew I took things literal but still didn't say what he meant and he could never seem to understand why I would take him seriously, or get upset with his jokes, or take him literal when he didn't mean what he said. But now it makes sense why he contradicted himself. You can tell if someone now said it to get you off their backs if they contradict their words. I try and remember this now so I know they didn't mean it when they said it and it was just to get me off their back so i am not all confused and wondering "WTF?" because they were not making sense.

Yeah never mess with an aspie.

Apple, I've wondered about that too, but now I think that maybe ToM is precisely the intuition that others are NOT like us.

Eg: when we were kids, I'd tell my parents everything and my siblings didn't. Why? Because my siblings knew our parents didn't want to know anything about us. They had ToM, they had the ability to comprehend, at an intuitive level, that our parents weren't like us, curious and interested in what's going on in our lives and wanting to be involved and challenged by our stories. I was in my forties when I learned not to share with my parents.

Perhaps it's our lack of ability to learn from experience and make us of it in a similar, but not exactly the same situation. If you experience one of those situations with the corresponding responds from your peers once, they might not learn as an NT, but it they experience it twice, they may start to catch on. With Aspies it might take 5-10 similar situations before we catch on. I think alot of it is based on not being able to read non-verbal social cues, and just basing the statement on the actual words uttered.