Can't Stop Obsessing About My Friend

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Kiseki
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30 Jul 2012, 9:08 am

Nikkt wrote:

Kiseki wrote:

You know that excitement and rush that comes from being a special part of someone else.

Wow. Actually, I don't. I have never felt this way with anyone. I can't decide whether to be jealous or not.

Kiseki wrote:

When she's not around I go through withdrawal symptoms, like I'm on a drug or something. I'm not going to see her now for 3 weeks (summer vacation) and I'm experiencing some anxiety because of this.

Again, wow. I've only ever experienced anxiety over a person when I know I'm going to be seeing them again and I know they are obsessed with me. I can't handle it; creeps me out, and I've had to end a few friendships because of it. But it's interesting seeing it from a different perspective. I never realised that someone might not actually like being obsessed with something/one.

Kiseki wrote:

What can I do with my time that will be as fulfilling as hanging out with her?

Um...no idea, sorry. My special interests have always been, essentially, inanimate. And always accessible. But I have realised I cycle through them quicker the more 'into' something I've gotten, and when I finally feel like my appetite’s been satisfied, I move on. I guess that's what you were saying before about learning everything you can. Maybe instead of trying to distract yourself from it, overload yourself with it. Since she'll be gone for 3 weeks, go nuts - draw her, write stories about her, look at pictures of her, think about her as much as possible. Make it an assignment. Start a scrapbook. Since she's away she won't find out (maybe also don't show others). The idea, of course, being that once she comes back you've overdosed on her and she's no longer as interesting as before.

I dunno - it's one option... :shrug:

Thanks for your suggestion! TBH, that will probably not help me. It will just make me obsess about her more. There will always be new things to learn about her simply because she exists. Probably my only option is to not be her friend. But I can't do that...

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richardbenson
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30 Jul 2012, 11:43 am

Oh boy. do I get people obsessions, especially online. what has helped me to snap out of acting like a a crazy white person Is just stop yourself. know that your behaviour is trying to over compensate for your lonelyness. live in the real world, most importanltey turn your computer off! go for a walk, clean your house, make your bed do everyday normal activities. Etc.

Kiseki
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30 Jul 2012, 10:57 pm

richardbenson wrote:

I think you're right. That's what I should do. But I have SERIOUS executive function issues. There are so many things I want to be doing but I instead spend the day sleeping or screwing around on the internet. I don't know how to stop. It must take a lot of willpower.

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o0Chipmunk0o
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31 Jul 2012, 2:26 am

It's such a relief to know that I am not alone! I understand what you are trying to say - explaining a special interest to anyone who is an NT is near impossible. I have experienced these people obsessions and it can be heartbreaking. In my experience, the only thing I could do was to just wait until it had past. The last person was not even that close to me and I was not able to talk to her much or become very close. I think many people will confuse the interest with a sexual thing and maybe even avoid you; therefore I think it would be best not to tell your friend. Bu then again I do not know enough of how your friendship works to comment.

Discontinuing the friendship will not work. Believe me, I've tried. Thinking of your person constantly is part of the obsession - it really redefines the term 24/7! Perhaps try not to suppress it but rather embace it and think about it freely and without guilt - this is part of the Aspie gift after all. It may not work, but sometimes it makes it a little less extreme and uncomfortable.

I can really only suggest waiting until it passes and trying to make yourself comfortable with it.

Thanks for bringing this up - it has really made a difference knowing that I am not entirely abnormal.

Kiseki
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31 Jul 2012, 8:09 am

Thanks for the reply, Chipmunk As I said earlier I actually am gay ane I guess this obsession could be categorized as romantic. I only develop these types of people special interests with other girls I feel emotionally close to. The emotion comes first, followed by a romantic attraction, followed by an intense all-consuming obsession with the other person. When I was younger (not that much younger TBH) I really was like a stalker and lost a lot of friends because of how I acted. I am trying to stay cool this time, but I can already sense the impending implosion. Why cant I just be normal? How do NTs behave when they feel emotionally connected to another person?

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Your Aspie score: 161 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 55 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

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