"You're a vulnerable member of society"

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You're approaching it from wrong direction. That you are vulnerable is not the problem, that you are the member of society is.

I pass well enough that, as a late-diagnosed adult, I often have trouble getting others to understand when I feel vulnerable and might need help. This is less trouble now, in my current crowd, with my diagnosis, but some people might still be confused. I've found, with my fibromyalgia, which I was diagnosed with almost 25 years ago, that many people have difficulty knowing when, how, and how much to help. They do it too much, too little, in the wrong way, or at the wrong time. (Again, though, this is less trouble now.) My girlfriend seems to be the one who almost always gets it right. But I think of the situation as a partnership in which I need to be able to encourage whatever other person I'm with to "meet me where I am" in whatever circumstances, with however well or poorly I'm doing at that time. If you explain it that way, that shows a maturity in your approach.

I can be vulnerable on my own, needing help. I can also be very capable and independent, needing nobody. I can also be vulnerable but more independent than I would otherwise be, because someone helps me a little or even simply because I know the help would be there if I needed it. Try taking that approach. Explain it that way and see what happens. People who "get it" (and this may take a little time to work out) are the ones you want to be more open with. Think of it as training them to be good partners. Regarding the rest, do as you've done, keeping things to yourself.

Miss Moneypenny,
My husband treats me like you describe. I asked him once why he does this and won't let me make my own mistakes. He answered that it's because he loves me. He loves that I'm around 40 years old and am still innocent and trusting, but, he says that that can get me hurt emotionally. He hates to see me repeatedly crushed by people who take advantage of me and he hates the fact that during a meltdown there's nothing he can do to make me feel better. I trust him and believe him. He's been with me for over 20 years and has been with me through everything.

Are guys having just as much trouble with girlfriends and wives as women are from boyfriends and husbands? I'd think that family members might be more likely to treat males and females on the spectrum the same, especially when it comes to how parents treat their kids. But partners and friends might be different. Is this so? Or does it not really matter? Just wondering...

Since when is there such a thing as a male aspie with a gf?

I get it from my mother and 'big little' (younger) brother from time to time, that being from about 9AM to 9PM! I'm actually in better physical shape than anyone else in the house but every time I mention having a headache or backache I am urgently admonished to see the Dr. because something could be terribly wrong, never mind which direction I put my money towards, almost always a foolish venture to them

The disabled have a 92% chance of being victims of abuse (verbal, emotional, physical est.) but have a 95% chance of being victims of sexual abuse.

I can't speak for the accuracy of these statistics, but even if they're spot on, there's vulnerable and then there's vulnerable. Enrolling in a 13th C chamber music class or buying books online isn't something that someone in their 40s needs vetted by others.

I'm pretty lucky that my parents have always let me learn by my own mistakes, and run with numerous crazy ideas. Some of those ideas have paid off - big time, and some have not. But sovereignty over your own decisions is important for any person.


A previous boyfriend also treated me like I was a porcelain doll and I ended up breaking up with him over it. I couldn't stand it. I have travelled all over the world, slogged through three degrees, am incredibly competent at my job (which involves people), and you think I don't have the capacity to sit in a cafe drinking a hot chocolate? Stop asking me if I'm okay! I said yes, if I wasn't okay, you'd know about it!

The people I really enjoy being around are not those who constantly say "are you okay?" "Let me explain this to you." "Do you want some help?" It's those that say "Let's do that again!! !" straight after pulling me back into the white water raft after a grade 4 rapid dump.

Optimism and sheer faith in my ability as a person are the only things that get me through meltdowns. I couldn't imagine someone taking that away from me by suggesting they needed to monitor and mediate my life at all times.