I don't care about social norms any more.

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Mmuffinn
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15 Aug 2012, 9:25 pm

I have recently stopped caring about social norms (within the past year), and I feel tremendous relief! I do still try to fit in when I feel I have to, like at a funeral or something, but that's about it. Giving up on trying to fit in has been the best decision of my life.


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Rascal77s
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15 Aug 2012, 11:07 pm

Mmuffinn wrote:
I have recently stopped caring about social norms (within the past year), and I feel tremendous relief! I do still try to fit in when I feel I have to, like at a funeral or something, but that's about it. Giving up on trying to fit in has been the best decision of my life.


That avatar is awesome. :D



nrau
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16 Aug 2012, 6:30 am

SteelMaiden wrote:

Does anyone else feel this way?


Obviously?
Anyway, it's good that you have finally realized that.

Just don't let the ...
Quote:
For many, many years I have been trying to modify myself around others,

....affect you!



eric76
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07 Sep 2012, 4:40 am

kalor wrote:
I'm NT and firmly believe that it's society that should change, not people changing to fit society.


What is probably the best piece of advice I received as I entered the business world in my first post-college professional job at an engineering company. The advice was that it was up to me to adapt to the ways of the company because they sure weren't going to adapt their ways for me. It is either adapt or get left behind.



Rascal77s
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07 Sep 2012, 5:19 am

SteelMaiden wrote:
For many, many years I have been trying to modify myself around others, to be more acceptable to other people, etc. I have tried to analyse every social situation and learn how to act in them. I have tried to understand social norms, gesticulations, facial expressions, tone of voice, other people's feelings etc.

I really don't care anymore.

I just want to be myself. I have Asperger's and I am going to take it as it comes.

I am not going to exhaust myself with trying to fit in.

I don't care if I ramble for ages, get people's emotions wrong, say inappropriate comments, come across as odd etc.

I am me and that's all I can be. Not someone else.

Does anyone else feel this way?


Welcome to the "I don't give a f**k" club. You're going to like it here :D



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07 Sep 2012, 8:38 am

I'm trying to do this. Fact is, all my efforts to fit in backfired more often than not. I would have been better off relaxing and looking weird than tying myself up in knots and still looking weird. After so many years of trying to be normal, though, it's a pretty deeply ingrained habit and just letting go of those anxieties isn't always a simple matter.



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07 Sep 2012, 9:14 am

I'm always looking for the happy compromise, if it ever exists. It's not about conforming to societal expectations, but limiting miscommunications with people I do want to connect with.



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07 Sep 2012, 9:18 am

SteelMaiden wrote:
For many, many years I have been trying to modify myself around others, to be more acceptable to other people, etc. I have tried to analyse every social situation and learn how to act in them. I have tried to understand social norms, gesticulations, facial expressions, tone of voice, other people's feelings etc.

I really don't care anymore.

I just want to be myself. I have Asperger's and I am going to take it as it comes.

I am not going to exhaust myself with trying to fit in.

I don't care if I ramble for ages, get people's emotions wrong, say inappropriate comments, come across as odd etc.

I am me and that's all I can be. Not someone else.

Does anyone else feel this way?


I feel exactly the same way.

Congratulations on your newly found self-acceptance! :)


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07 Sep 2012, 9:36 am

Yeah its exhausting isn't it? That is why I kinda gave up on it a long time ago......I do however sometimes try and act like I am feeling better than I am because a lot of times people instead of being helpful like to criticize me for 'being negative' Its annoying and even people who I normally get along fine who supposedly 'understand' me say that.

I mean I love the people in my family close to me, but sometimes they get on my nerves.....why is it I am simply not allowed to be negative ever, yet if I was to criticize any of them for being negative when they are being negative they'd just get mad at me for criticizing how they feel. I mean its like if any of them were to inquire about 'why have you been so isolated lately' I feel like I cannot even be honest and say 'I have been feeling pretty down and it seems to irritate you guys when I'm 'negative' so I figured I'd deal with it alone.' Then they would want me to 'not dwell on it.'

:wall: it does get frustrating, so I certainly don't have the energy to try and act neurotypical...I honestly don't even know how to do that, in the past I thought I was pretty good at masking my 'weirdness' but I think that was more wishful thinking.


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07 Sep 2012, 9:37 am

CrystalStars wrote:
kalor wrote:
I'm NT and firmly believe that it's society that should change, not people changing to fit society.

I'm hoping that with time and education more and more people will "get it" that there are many types of people. My cynicism about human nature dampens that though.

Be yourself, but help others to understand what that means.

The rest of society is in the majority right now, so it's a good option for the present.


What exactly is a good option? going along with society because its what 'the majority' is doing?


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Sweetleaf
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07 Sep 2012, 9:46 am

eric76 wrote:
kalor wrote:
I'm NT and firmly believe that it's society that should change, not people changing to fit society.


What is probably the best piece of advice I received as I entered the business world in my first post-college professional job at an engineering company. The advice was that it was up to me to adapt to the ways of the company because they sure weren't going to adapt their ways for me. It is either adapt or get left behind.


That is just the sort of attitude that is one of the major problems in this society.


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Dizzee
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07 Sep 2012, 10:04 am

19 years, not even once in my life I cared about the social norms.


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oftenaloof
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07 Sep 2012, 12:05 pm

"Yay, you're lettin' me be me!"
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07 Sep 2012, 12:15 pm

When I was younger I had phases when I thought something was wrong about me and I should feel ashamed (because I was being bullied). I remember that I wrote lists about how I could get "cooler". But once such a phase was over I'd go back to "f*ck that, I'll do what I want". And now that's my standard motto. :P



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07 Sep 2012, 12:38 pm

I've learned there are optional social norms and non-optional social norms.