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Rorberyllium
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11 Sep 2012, 12:51 am

I've never heard the term "stimming" before. Very informative! I always called them "ticks" even though i'm aware that's entirely accurate.

I think it's something that's unhealthy to repress. I think it's more unhealthy to call someone out on it. It's part of who they are, just let it happen.

The only instance I can think of where something should be done about it is when someone is being harmful to themselves or others. For instance one of my "stims" (is that the right word?) involved striking myself in the head. There have been a couple times where this actually gave me a mild concussion. So I try to actively avoid that in favor of less harmful forms of expression.

The way I see it stimming is part of who I am and I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with a life where i had to repress myself so completely like that.



Who_Am_I
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11 Sep 2012, 6:00 am

If people are distracted by my stimming, who is forcing them to point their eyes at me?
If I can manage to use headphones to prevent their voices from hurting my ears, surely they can look at one of the many things in the environment that are not me. FFS.


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pat2rome
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11 Sep 2012, 12:21 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
If people are distracted by my stimming, who is forcing them to point their eyes at me?


The eye is naturally drawn to movement. Also, have you ever been trying to focus and then noticed something like the flicker of a fluorescent light or a noise the air conditioning is making? Nobody is forcing you to see it or listen to it, but at the same time you can't help but do so.


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daydreamer84
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11 Sep 2012, 1:28 pm

pat2rome wrote:
again_with_this wrote:
One of the problems with stimming, when done in public isn't just that it's "inappropriate," but that it can be a burden on others. While your stim may seem natural to you, it may seem like an unnecessarily burden to me or someone else. While I'm more tolerant, as I may stim myself, I understand that it's poor manners to hum, or whistle, or rock back and forth in public. Not just because it's "socially unacceptable," but because it can actually be an annoyance, inconvenience, or hassle for others, and I feel it's wrong to burden others in this way, as I wouldn't want to be burdened with having to work around someone else's stim. Stimming in public with no regard for others is actually somewhat selfish and self-centered, even if no harm is meant.

Very good way of putting it; a neighbor of mine will rock back and forth in church, and while my family and I understand and are amused by it, it is a distraction.


But this is your problem.....yes the eye is naturally drawn to movement but it doesn't distract everybody and it might be the only way your neighbour can sit through a church sermon...maybe he /she can't sit still during it ....maybe he/she is so overwhelmed by being out in a crowd of people listening to the preacher that the only way to endure it is to stim constantly.... does this mean he/she should be denied a spiritual experience? You can come to church early and pick a seat where you can't see the rocking neighbour... where you're in front of him or something. If the sound of an air conditioner is distracting me I don't expect a library or classroom or whatever it is to get rid of the air conditioner. Not everybody is distracted by it and people are hot and need air conditioning. If I'm waiting in a long line or on a crowded bus and people are talking to each other and this annoys me....that is my problem....there shouldn't be a "no talking on buses" rule, I should put in earplugs or headphones or hum (which I have just as much right to do as the people have to talk).



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11 Sep 2012, 1:38 pm

I don't see why I should, but then, I can usually* substitute one type for another so I can avoid anything disruptive or embarrassing. If someone can't, I can see why they'd have a problem (although something being embarrassing is partly other people's fault, too).
I also don't like the word "stimming". It sounds embarrassing. I used to be able to rock back in forth while sitting at the computer and now, if my husband sees me, he goes "Oh no! You're stimming! Something's wrong!" - which is not always true and even if it was, him saying that is not helpful.

*not if I'm under extreme stress, but frankly, I don't want to be less disruptive when I'm put under extreme stress - I want the stress to stop.



Hopetobe
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12 Sep 2012, 12:05 pm

Would rubbing small laces or ribbons in public be disturbing or annoying to others?



Jewely
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18 Dec 2012, 5:45 pm

Obviously, you're not going to try and modify your behavior. Just don't act all offended and shocked when others react negatively to you. Yes, you can do what you want -- but there are always consequences to actions.

Most people have more than one stim. Why not modify your behavior to the least "annoying" stim in public? Hand-flapping helps me to focus when I'm stressed or having a problem keeping out stimuli. Pulling my hands into my sleeves and tapping my fingers together is less effective, but still works. And does not create a wall between me and others.

Seems that rocking is the fastest way to distance people -- but I've found that if you rub your hands together or blow on them like you're cold when rocking, people don't feel threatened.

I don't understand the unwillingness to consider the feelings of others. And, yes, that includes PDA, taking showers, not wearing perfume in closed spaces, etc. Just because someone else is rude doesn't mean you have to be so.



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19 Dec 2012, 1:38 am

pat2rome wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
If people are distracted by my stimming, who is forcing them to point their eyes at me?


The eye is naturally drawn to movement. Also, have you ever been trying to focus and then noticed something like the flicker of a fluorescent light or a noise the air conditioning is making? Nobody is forcing you to see it or listen to it, but at the same time you can't help but do so.


Um, yeah, I have. If I can deal with that type of distraction every day with my broken filtering system, other people can deal with a bit of flapping and not be such babies about it.


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19 Dec 2012, 1:44 am

I will be honest I associate people who rock with low functioning autism. I think many other people do to. If you don't want people think of you as being low functioning don't do things like rocking. If you need to rub something then do it in your pocket or when no one is looking.



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19 Dec 2012, 1:55 am

The sound of people breathing is annoying and sometimes painful to me, but I understand that they have to breathe to feel ok.



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19 Dec 2012, 2:16 am

Ignoring the fact that stimming for me has caused some serious problems with my back and wrist.

The fact is its severely disturbing and distressing for the average person. For nt`s its a sign that one in under a severe level of stress. There`s no need to expose someone to this if it can be avoided.

We all have sensitivities expecting ours to be respected means respecting theirs.



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19 Dec 2012, 2:47 am

Quote:
there shouldn't be a "no talking on buses" rule, I should put in earplugs or headphones or hum (which I have just as much right to do as the people have to talk).


Actually I personally think there should be a no talking on buses rule, save for asking the driver questions; I find people gabbing to each other on the bus incredibly annoying, people don't have to talk all the freaking time, if they really have to say something to somebody that very instant they can text them, it's not a big deal. I liked it better in England where people were far less inclined to start a conversation with random strangers next to them, it was so much nicer.


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19 Dec 2012, 3:05 am

btbnnyr wrote:
The sound of people breathing is annoying and sometimes painful to me, but I understand that they have to breathe to feel ok.



If they didn't breath, they would suffocate and die.


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19 Dec 2012, 7:23 am

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What exactly is stimming? Is it when you rock or keep moving parts of your body?


It's a repetitive motor mannerism, that you are capable of controlling (at least consciously suppressing), which is done because the sensation it causes is pleasurable in some way.

It's different from a tic because tics can't be controlled, or can only be briefly suppressed with a rebound effect (like trying not to blink).

It's different from fidgeting because fidgeting isn't repetitive.



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19 Dec 2012, 7:59 am

pat2rome wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
If people are distracted by my stimming, who is forcing them to point their eyes at me?


The eye is naturally drawn to movement. Also, have you ever been trying to focus and then noticed something like the flicker of a fluorescent light or a noise the air conditioning is making? Nobody is forcing you to see it or listen to it, but at the same time you can't help but do so.


Yes, you can. And NT people told me, that i have learn to accept all that disturbances, and that they are normal and normal people are able to handle this disturbances, and that i can learn to ignore staring at movements and that there is only one person deciding, whats disturbing me or not, and that is me, and if feel disturbed because i choose to be disturbed because of someone its not other people problems but mine, because i am free to choose if i want to be disturbed or not.. And if i dont, its my problem and i have to solve it via therapy, breathing techniques and so on, what i have done. And yes, its really helping. :)

So if there are some lovely NTs that are disturbed by my stimming, as i am disturbed by all their NT stimming like smalltalk, handmoving while talking, or other "unignorable" things like stinking useless parfum clouds taking away my breath and making me choke, or that creepy, slimy feeling you have on your hand after handshaking, that according to NTs i have to learn to ignore because its sooooo important to have slimy, creepy hands...and all the other useless things that only exist because NT feel better when doing it, so we can call them NT stimming, which i have learned to accept as NTs told me that i had to:

No problem, i can give them the adresses of a good teacher for relaxing breathing techniques. :lol:



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19 Dec 2012, 8:17 am

I think stimming is just a necessity - just as other people need to stretch every morning, or to drink a lot of water during the day, or to spend some time in the sun.

Therefore it doesn't need to be "cured" in any way. If someone doesn't like my stimming, it's their damn problem.


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