Should we be nice after rejection?

Post Reply New Topic

So...they want to avoid conflict and feel they have an open door should they ever need it, whereas I want to minimize my pain and effort and NOT reassure them that they have an open door. As saying hello nicely suits their interests, looking through them suits mine...

Every woman who dumped me has later come back after someone else dumped her.

Sorry ... you get only one chance ... if you dumped me once, you'll dump me again.

I treat everyone fairly. Rejection is unfortunate, but I don't like to make waves, so if I get upset it's on my own time.

Of course you should be angry.

1. Pretending to be okay would be being false.
2. If you are nice to them, they'll think it's totally fine to treat people like that.

Well, NTs prefer to be treated this way (being suddenly ignored) than being told "sorry, this is not working for me". So maybe it IS totally fine to treat people like that in the NT world, even the polite and considerate thing to do... One thing is for sure: it's totally NOT fine to treat ME like that.

This is a tough question. If this is someone you see in your circle or work, then maybe pretend to be nice.

The truth of the matter is that they have the problem. Unless you did something heinous enough to cause them to respond likewise, then they are the big jerk.

If they are sneaky and manipulative enough to pretend like nothing happened, then keep your distance.

If they actually have forgotten the episode, maybe they aren't NT or maybe they have some mental disability or meds obstructing their memory. In that case, pretend to be friendly in a superficial NT way. Use stock phrases, such as: How are you? Fine. Nice weather, eh? Whew, it's hot, eh? Don't stop to talk, just acknowledge them but walk with purpose like you've very busy and important.

Lastly, if this person did anything physical to you, avoid them like the plague.

p.s. Nice poetry going on in this thread!

I've had someone reject me and break off their friendship with me on this site a few years ago. I was screwing my job up as a moderator by getting back at that person. I was usually a good and sensitive moderator, over 95% of the time. I had to step down, because I wasn't mentally fit for the title. If I could turn back the clock, I'd treat that person the same way I did before our friendship ended.

I'd also like to add that I was so bitter and cynical for those two and a half years, afterwards that I was surprised with how easy it was for me to start being that fun CockneyRebel who likes the 60s and posts the odd thing about Routemasters, again. In other words, the real CockneyRebel.

My best friend in the area will sometimes say he has to go and hang up on me when he doesn't have time at the moment to talk. When he does, he almost invariably comes by and says hi after work -- I think mainly to see if I'm upset about being hung up on. But I understand that he may not be interested in hearing me go on about a topic that is interesting to me but not to him when he's busy supervising other people to make sure a job gets done.

I don't get upset -- I understand it fully.

Could they stop returning your calls because the calls are about some pet project of yours that noone else cares about?