Family wants me to forget about pursuit of diagnosis

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Part of the reason people, parents in particular, sometimes take this stance in the face of potential official diagnosis is fear. Fear that if a diagnosis is made, the problem is 'real' now, beyond the scope of "everything is okay lalalalala" deniability. I'm not saying this is your parents, but it's a possibility. In their minds it's easier for them and better for you if you're just being fussy and imagining all of this and there aren't any real problems and everything is okay.

make sense?

I provide this example because it's one I have personal experience with. My mother reacted in the same way when I told her I was taking meds for depression. She went into panic mode; 1. fretting over the possibility that I -or my pdoc- would blame her for this, and 2. trying to deny that any problem existed. Fortunately this was a conversation we had long after I had left home, it was easier than it would have been when I was a teenager living in the same apartment with her.

You could tell your family that you're going to pursue a diagnosis, because it means a lot to you. You could also tell them that you're an adult and you can make your own decisions about the matter.

I'd tell them if they're not dishing out the dough, then you have to do or not do with your life according to those who will. And those demand the meaningless piece of paper.

But I totally agree with the others here. Your family is giving you very bad advice based on their own agenda to be able to perpetuate their denial for their own interests and taking yours in no consideration at all.

I'd be VERY pissed at them.

People usually think that someone diagnosed with AS is someone who cannot be helped. Instead, they like to think of their family members as rude jerks who should stop being rude jerks by choice. If you are diagnosed with AS, then you just cannot be helped. They don't seem to understand that being diagnosed with AS, like knowing how your brain works, is how you're going to help yourself or get the help you need from others.

It's a tough call. I don't know your family but it may be that they are trying to protect you from the stigma that a real diagnosis brings. There are some negatives that could lead to discrimination for someone officially on the spectrum that you can get around without one. I am not saying it is not something you should do. If you really feel the need to know and think it would help you with your life then go for it. All I am saying is that you need to weigh the benefits versus the negatives before making the decision.

I think if you want to be officially diagnosed, you should definitely go for it. Diagnosis helped me in ways I couldn't have imagined back then (about 10 years), although I obviously can't get into specifics regarding that.

I can certainly relate to this situation.

The doc I saw thinks that there are strong signs I am somewhere on the spectrum, but I would need to see a specialist to get it confirmed whether it is AS or whatever, and full-on diagnosis would involve parental input.

Without knowing your parents, I can only say from the situation you have described that it sounds as if they simply don't want to change their views of you and your behaviour - something dx would mean they have to consider.

Mine are heavily invested in their views of me, and I think it would take a miracle to get them to view me otherwise: awkward and difficult, stubborn, cowardly, eccentric, unemotional, the list goes on. Also, they have convinced themselves that the reason I didn't do well at school was down to just plain lack of effort - I was bright, but struggled with things like getting on with the teachers and other students, time management and planning, remembering to do homework etc. After the school psychs had twice had me do every possible test but come up blank (there was no such thing as AS in the 1970's/80's) and refused to recommend me for additional help because I was off the ability scale in the wrong direction to get "statemented", this served only to cement in my parents' minds that I just didn't apply myself, and the levels of pressure and punishment escalated.

I feel almost certain they would conveniently "forget" the sort of details that would lend weight to a diagnosis, while blaming me for behaviours that they didn't know how to control - such as when something had really grossed or freaked me out, I'd be struggling to get away in terror, and in their minds the appropriate parental response to this was a hard smack.

If you decide to go for full dx, just do it anyway.

I suppose finding a diagnosis will help you understand a bit more about yourself and thus may help you understand more about improvements, plus it is your choice after all so if you want it go for it.