aspie women and boyfriends

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"Get a man"... Sounds like you think we're trying to catch one in a net and keep him in a box or something. A man is a person. "Getting" one means developing a relationship with another human being. It's not like some kind of a status symbol or desirable possession. Or, it shouldn't be.

The fact is, AS people are human beings, and we are not inferior human beings, either. We're just as good as NT people are. Yes, it takes work to communicate with NTs, and for NTs to communicate with us; but relationships always take work to start and maintain. You might fall in love with someone from a different culture, race, or country; you might find out you have different opinions on housekeeping, child-raising, or politics. You might discover that she snores like a buzzsaw or he has smelly feet. Maybe his parents hate you, or she's a total workaholic. Relationships always have problems like that.

You seem to be making the assumption that picking spouses is like picking teams at recess--that the highest-quality people get picked first, and the lowest-quality people are left over at the end. But that's not the case. The perfect spouse for one person could be a horrible match for someone else. It's a matter of finding somebody to share your life with; someone you enjoy spending time with, can cooperate with, and care deeply about. And if that person happens to have autism, then that's just another part of who they are. Maybe it makes things a little more complex than usual, but I don't think I've yet seen a long-lasting relationship I could define as "simple".

I think all you ladies are missing the point. Im not saying that asperger women can never date. I just saying there are alot nt women who Im sorry for saying this, are better looking, more social, more succesfull than probaly 90% of all aspie women on here and yet they can't get a date.

The pain..it burns!

Then maybe being better looking, more social, and more successful doesn't necessarily get you a date, hmm?

When I think of people I'd like to date, the traits that come to mind are more along the lines of "Caring, honest, curious, interesting; shared interests, shared beliefs".... you know, the sort of person I'd want to spend time with. A friend I can relate to; a person I can care about--not a plastic Barbie doll with a perfect smile and a six-figure salary. I have nothing against high-level careers or straight teeth, particularly; but those things are irrelevant.

Last edited by Callista on 22 Sep 2012, 11:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, I'll add one thing that I don't think has been mentioned yet. Personally, I am at my best when interacting one-on-one, with a male. This is the best scenario for me. So, for someone who has mild AS, when in this type of situation I think I come of pretty "socially" okay. Add to that a point that has been previously mentioned - that males are attracted to qualities that I attribute mostly to my aspieness (e.g. honesty, logical mind, intelligence, unpretentiousness) - and it is not so difficult to attract a male.

I attract the type of guy who is going to compliment me with "you are not like most other girls". I suspect this might be the case for many aspie women.

Indeed. One-on-one social interaction is where I'm at my most effective. I don't think I'll ever look "normal", but when I have only one other person to worry about, especially in a quiet place, I can get ideas from my brain to theirs and back again pretty efficiently. Does it matter if I'm a bit quirky and awkward about it? If communication is taking place, that's all you need.

I don't know that it's fair to say we missed your point - I think you changed the goalposts halfway through the thread.

But in response to your 'woe is me, why can't a pretty, social, successful NT gIrl get her mrs degree nailed down when all you ugly, masculine, loser aspie women can get dates' point...

Maybe a lot of guys don't want any part of women like you BECAUSE of that kind of mindset? I've played wingman an awful lot, and you would be exactly the sort I'd tell my friends to steer clear of. There's a darn good chance I'm prettier than you, and you might have me beat at social games but I can't stand people who like to play them, and even on my worst days I bet I've got more to be proud of than you. I suspect 90% of aspie women have ten times the character you've shown in this thread.

Ps - i know this was rude, and i do feel sort of badly, but I tend to be blunt to people like you. Men seem to appreciate it.

so everything I've read so far, seem to be that women with asperger are just very cool when comes to men. Kinda like how gay men get along with women so well.

I guess. I understand men better. Gay men understand women better. It's how your mind works that counts.

lets put it this way: if you ladies saw two men: man A: good looking, rich, nice personality, has alot of friends. runs a succesful buisness. Man B: average looking, middle income, walks with his head down, very shy, has no friends.
who would you date. and now be honest.

What one defines as a "nice" personality and individual is subjective.

Somehow I feel like you're bound and determined to prove that Aspie women do better with men because we tend to not be as shallow as you seem to be.

When it comes to men though. an ugly,shy, loser aspie man can't get a date. While an attractive,out going,winner nt male can get a date. So why is it so different for women

I'd choose Man B over Man A, any day. I find ordinary, cuddly men very appealing. I find Man A to be a bit of a turn off. In other words, this would be my image of the perfect man for me and I look like him, too.

in a way I am. I just find so interesting that so many aspie women are so good when comes to men. Now that not a bad thing. what makes no sense is why don't we see this on the male side. How come we don't see alot of aspie men with dates. How come good looking,rich men have alots of dates.

Does Man B also have a nice personality? You didn't mention that. If so, I'd go for B. The only thing I found appealing in A was "nice personality" (and that's assuming by "nice" you mean the type of personality that goes well with mine), and the rest is almost a turn off. The only thing that is a turn off for Man B is "walks with his head down".