Theory: people with a happy childhood don't 'get it'.

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Apple_in_my_Eye
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04 Nov 2012, 4:17 pm

I agree with the idea that having it too easy can lead to an inability to understand hard times in someone else's life, but also if a person has it too hard their POV can become "no one helped or gave a sh** about me when I had it bad, so why so why should I care about or make sacrifices for anyone else's problems?" I think that's especially true of people who eventually "made it" against a lot of hardship. It's kind of bitter, but hard to argue against IMO (maybe they've earned the right not to care).

It seems like the way that things are gets reinforced. If there's generally no help then people won't be in favor of it because they didn't get it, and if there is help that it will appreciated and supported.



pokerface
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04 Nov 2012, 4:24 pm

Natalya wrote:
Okay, this is just a theory, and by the people I mention, I mean people who are neurotypicals and had/have no siblings/parents with any kind of isssues (Downs, autism, depression, anything that causes mental strain/issues). And of course, had a happy childhood.
And by "getting it", I mean, understanding other people's woes with their parents/issues, or mental strain (is that the right word?).
This is just something I was thinking about because one of my Leaders/friends doesn't understand when I tell him stuff, and yeah, he thought I was being oversensitive. But, someone else with a rubbish childhood, awful parents and then later episodes of depression, does empathise.
I don't know. Thoughts? I don't want to make this about my issues. I guess it does vary from person to person.
Does it get to the point with you, when you want to tell more stuff to someone you like, but run the risk of them not understanding/"getting it"?
Please don't jump on me, I'm just curious.
Much obliged. :)


Nonsense!
Autism is something you are born with and nothing can change that. Our brains where wired a bit differently when we where swimming around in our mothers womb. That's all.



Moondust
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04 Nov 2012, 5:19 pm

Nowadays I know better than get closer to people who had happy childhoods. Those could never understand my life, nor what it's like to come from a home like mine with a neurology like mine - let alone be useful to me in any way with support and/or advice and/or sharing of life experience.

They're also very bad on my self-esteem because, rather than value my achievements against all odds, they compare them to the achievements of those who were born with a silver spoon in their mouths and a big portion of their achievements already done for them.

Some people have feigned having had a difficult childhood because they wanted to become my friends. I believed them, being the naive aspie I am, and the results were very bad of course. Nowadays I perform a more thorough background check before I lower my guard.


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opal
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05 Nov 2012, 1:33 am

Yes, I have found this with quite a few people



GiantHockeyFan
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05 Nov 2012, 9:21 am

I had a relatively happy childhood and good parents but it is obvious that few can appreciate how bad it feels to be mass bullied and excluded for 2 years straight and the damage it causes. I rarely talk to anyone about it anymore because the usual response is "everyone gets bullied" which just makes me want to lose it! I've only ever known one person who even came close to what I had to go through and looking back, I didn't stand a chance: very self-focused (so I was considered a snob), not a girl or disabled (so it's wasn't 'cowardly' to witch hunt me), very slow to develop as well as by far the youngest (didn't 'get' it) and tall and lanky (so I was seen as a 'threat' to alphas) and found it painful to keep my shoulders and head up due to massive growth spurt (so I was seen as 'weak'). It especially gets me irate thinking about the lame advice given by experts. They literally don't get it.

So, to get back on topic unless you have been targeted you have no idea what its like especially at that age. Furthermore, it's like being in a prison cell and the guards are turning a blind eye. What are you supposed to do? Call 911? I had a classmate who was black and when he 'whined' about racism I kept telling him it wasn't that bad. Looking back, it was obvious that I had NO IDEA what it was like because I never had to shield myself from racial discrimination.



Last edited by GiantHockeyFan on 05 Nov 2012, 1:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mummy_of_Peanut
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05 Nov 2012, 9:35 am

I have very loving parents, but we had several traumatic family events, whilst I was growing up (cousin was murdered, aunt and uncle died, leaving my cousin an orphan and having to come to stay with us, bipolar auntie having manic episodes, etc, I could go on). That coupled with the mass shunning and being picked on constantly makes for a less than happy childhood. Although, I can appreciate that I could have had it much worse (I could have been my orphaned cousin, for example). Really, nothing phases me these days. So, when I hear people are worrying about things that haven't even happened yet, I feel like slapping them. I don't, of course.


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