"Subconscious" Social Faking

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Ah, yes, I've actually tried to explain something like this ages ago in a thread. Not all of my social intentions and actions are fully false, there are things I do socially that kind of come naturally. It's like when I go out in public, I struggle a little bit to act normal, but that doesn't mean I am putting on an act. Part of me subconsciously acts normal but.....ohh it's hard to explain. It's like, if I was to decide to completely act in an extremely unusual way, that would probably be harder to put on than actually acting normal, if that makes sense.

The only way I mimic others is when someone is acting distant then I also act distant. I think I learned that more so I don't have to deal with a backlash of bad emotions.

I can fake the "small talk" a little bit , but it takes a lot of effort. The only time I feel "real" is when I am doing something active like book club etc.

I've learned to mimic, but NOT "subconcious(ly)"; because I know that I'm doing it is precisely why I get so exhausted and feel so uncomfortable, all the time...to me, it's a lot of effort on my part and I really wish I didn't have to do it.