Marrying and Children

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It's of course totally up to the individual when it comes to having children but I think that if you're aware of the mistakes your parents made, you're much less likely to make them. Both my husband and I had not great childhoods, to the extent that were extremely conscious of not making the same mistakes our parents did. Of course we made entirely different mistakes but that's parenting for you.

Also, I was not in any way looking for a mate when I met my husband. He is literally the only person on earth I've ever felt completely comfortable with (he's NT) and I'm surprised he fell in love with as we're complete opposites in so many personality traits. You just never know. Relationships are strange and unexplainable things.

You convinced 85 different women to go out with you? Do you teach a class?

Reading this thread, several thoughts spring to mind:

I'm currently many years married and for the most part, happily so. When looking for a mate, seek someone with similar interests who is about on the same point of the spectrum as yourself.

Looking at my bestest friend's daughter, an HFA raised by an Aspie, I have hope for the future of spectrumites. True, in her early 20's she still isn't driving, but she has the self-confidence to stand tall and be herself. She has been raised to be proud of what she can do, not ashamed of what she can't. She may not be any more functional than I was at her current age, but she is certainly far happier.

I definitely want to be married and have children, in the future. I think they'll both be hard to cope with, but I wouldn't mind a challenge.

Having a NT man does not guarantee your children would be one way or the other. Couples who are both NT still give birth to autistic children.

I am ASD and have an NT wife. As far as I can gather, my children are both NT but its very early to say one way or the other. They arent showing any pronunced development problems.
Nothing wrong with that.

Theres a chance they could have depression if they are NT. depression isn't confined to autistics.

No one is 'born' depressed. Depression happens because of social and development factors.

A good chunk of it was through a service, I have my act together and I can photograph well (even if it takes dozens of photos to get there). Then I met them, opened my mouth, gave off my "weird" body language and nothing ever came of most of them. Now, I'm not an idiot to just continue using a service that goes nowhere, but I saw it as something I may had been improving on. Nope, I was wrong. Also, I can't tell if when I was calling back, the tone of my voice, etc, etc, etc, etc - that caused it. Women just don't answer their phones when they're disinterested and you're left in the dark with nothing to improve on. My dating issues led me to discover I had Asperger's, as I've been able to get most of the rest of my life in order, but never that - as people don't judge you 1/1000th as tough a a friend or for a job as they do for being their future boyfriend/husband/etc.

Ive been married, had a child, got divorced, now living with new partner, and have new child.

The marriage bit was hard, as my first ex didnt understand my condition. My current partner does - and its so worth the effort to track someone down who does understand you. Our relationship tends to border on the fact that we always gave each other the choice to walk away if it all became krappy - and for that reason its alot stronger than alot of other relationships ive seen.

On the note of children - my son is 14 and lives with his NT mother, and although he struggles occasionally (pretty obvious hes an Aspie btw) - generally hes a good kid and seems to manage better than i did.

My little girl is 3, and is very very bouncy and Aspie like. Im aware that children do tend to copy theyre parents however - so one often wonders if they have picked up some of my niggly traits, or are simply expressing themselves.

One thing your all forgetting though, is that if you do have children, apart from the fact that you will need the occasional hand to manage them while you have a meltdown in a safe place (which happens alot, btw, ill not lie) - is that as Aspie parents you are the best in the world to educate these children and to know their pain.

What better parents could Aspie children ask for, than Aspie parents? Think how many of you have struggled because your parents were more normal, or unaware of the condition - how much easier would it have been to have parents that know how you struggled!

I for one, am proud to be a parent, and look forward to marriage one day - for an NT or an Aspie to commit to someone is a commendable feat in itself, but ultimately, i would much rather put as many Aspies into this world as possible. The NT's havent a clue how to run things, lets be honest.

I can't imagine myself being pregnant. I don't think I will ever get pregnant. I do hope I get married though, in the future.

I don't want children because I have a higher risk of passing down the AS down to my children, and I don't want to bring a child into this world who might be on the spectrum. Even if my hildren were born NT, I'll probably still damage them emotionally (not on purpose), because often kids who are brought up by parents that are naturally anxious, depressive, shy people, are more likely to become like that too. Not always, but more than likely. Plus I do come from a family who are mostly shy people, and have been bullied through school and mistreated by spouses in the past, so that sort of gene would probably run into the personalities of my children. I'm just saying the risk of having happy, confident children is very slim for me, that's all.

I hope to get married some day but I cannot fathom myself having kids. I've felt like this ever since I was a teen. People tell me I will change my mind but I don't think I will. Interestingly I read an article that many people that don't have kids made the decision early on. I suppose theres a chance I could change my mind. Kids have always annoyed me with the crying and never knowing what to do with them? I've never really been the one to take responsibility and care over another human being. Like being an elder to someone in a way. Its never been a naturally adaptive role that someone people naturally find themselves in. I dont know if this has anything to do with aspergers because there are people with aspergers who are great with kids. *shrug* I mean if I want alone time, if I want peace and quiet, its really hard if you have a kid. I don't like the idea of motherhood at all. I don't like how women are the primary caregivers.