8 year old son and possible AS

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Some people who are very social get nervous when they see less social people. For some reason they think it's a problem. I know the social people in my life feel criticized because they are less intellectual and an introverted person may have "deep thoughts" or have a sophisticated demeanor.
It sounds like he has aspie traits but many people do. If you have taken the matter to a third party (and you have) and you are confident that your son is developing "normally", then I'd worry more about your partner.

worrieddad, did you say your partner has self diagnosed AS?
When did she self dx herself/start learning about AS?

If shes been exploring this whole AS thing in recent times, one of the offshoots of it is that she starts seeing AS traits in everyone.

It's be better to try for an official diagnosis rather than just a self-diagnosis. Then you have it in writing and you can be sure.

the advice and knowledge you guys have has been an enormous help thank you.

When my son was developing through the first couple fo years nothing sticks out as being that extraordinary about his speech development or anything else. When learning to speak i recall him copying us but then his speech took off and i see this development as perfectly normal.

i was gonna say that he seems more like a dyspraxic to me but that just throws it out of the window lol. but he defintely doesnt sound 2 aspieish 2 me something else could b the cause but its just unknown

Outside of "co-morbids" the most telling problem of AS is the social difficulty.If he can maintain friendships and show emotion to you,I see no problem.I wish more parents would allow children to be "individuals",instead of assuming that we all have to be running around chattering all the time.Maybe her own daughter is ADHD and she wants to put the focus on your son as the "defective one"?I think the difference in you and your ex-wifes parenting styles,may also make him more introverted.There is no way around that,happens to many parents,together or divorced...but it can be pretty confusing to kids.Instead of focusing on a DX,maybe you could suggest to your current SO,that you deal with any issues that are actually a "problem" for your son.Right now ,the only problem seems to be the expectations of what "normal" is,from your SO.