aspies don't show empathy, but NTs don't seem to feel it

Post Reply New Topic

Interesting!

I have always felt DEEP empathy; after learning about the Holocaust in middle school, I could not sleep for weeks. Anyone who attempted to counsel me assumed that I was scared and assured me that I was safe from such atrocities/they would never happen again, etc... That wasn't the problem. Like anyone with common sense, I knew perfectly well that there was no danger whatsoever. Things just STUCK in my head and I couldn't stop feeling and seeing so many images and so much human suffering. Of course, I'm not going to be the one who runs up to a crying person and says, "Ooooh my goodness! Are you okay!?!?!," but their condition will nonetheless affect me very deeply.

I have the same thing. After seeing only a part of that film 'Sophie's choice' I was extremely upset and cried myself to sleep for weeks afterwards. Still do if I think about it. I know it's a film, but it is very likely that similar things have happened and are still happening to real people. I cry at the news, and at other films that show things that may happen in reality too. I cry when I see animals or humans suffering, and when I see people cry. I give money at any charitable cause that I see (although my partner now stops me because it got me into financial trouble before). I've taken in stray animals and neglected children. I am very good at comforting animals or children. When I was a teenager, I prayed to God (just in case I was wrong and he DID exist) to please stop all suffering in the world, and that he could use me to take on the suffering so others wouldn't have to. Still I score only around 20 on the EQ test. I don't get it.

The only thing I can think of is that I do not like comforting adults, and have no interest in listening to them talking about their emotions. I think most of them are just annoying.

You know humans have selective empathy, feeling and/or showing empathy for who they want, when they want, and some people they just don't give a crap. ''Empathy'' is not exclusive to NTs, it's just an emotion or a trait. Even Autistics have selective empathy.

I think a lot of this is cultural, actually. I always thought that everyone was really artificial until I moved out of the USA. Where I'm living now they have a saying about Americans, that they say "f**k you" to mean "I like you" and "I like you" to mean "f**k you." There seems to be a general cultural expectation that everyone has to appear happy and interested in others at all times and never show how they really feel, or else they are being rude or making others uncomfortable. You have to smile all the time and ask everyone how they are doing, but never actually tell anyone how you're really doing because no one cares.

Where I live now, people are much more genuine. They only smile if they have a reason to (Americans think this is because they are rude) and they only ask you how you're doing if they really care. If you're doing a bad job at something, somebody is going to tell you instead of talking about it behind your back with your coworkers or other peers.

That's not to say that everyone is genuine all the time. Certainly people pretend to be nice or fake interest sometimes. But I think it happens less often here, and also there is less expectation of faking it, so if I don't show interest and don't smile all the time, no one is offended. I think this translates pretty well to empathy - I wouldn't ask how someone is doing if I didn't care, and there's little need to "show" empathy beyond that minor expression of interest. There's also little expectation that you should feel empathy for people who are not close to you, so I'm not criticized for that.

Maybe others have had different experiences, but that's what I've found anyway.

Really? From my experience, people have always said it to you if they don't care about you or don't give a darn how you feel. Anyone that says that to me as a friend loses me as a friend because they just told me they don't care about me. I would never tell my own friend "f**k you" unless I wanted them to dump me as a friend which I think is a cowardly way of doing it.

I think the people over there have that part wrong about us Americans because I have never seen it happen here. Not even in movies.

If I could tell lies as well as an NT they would think I were very empathetic.

haha, I like it.

this isn't meant to be taken literally.

compared to many european countries, to central and south american countries, to India and Pakistan, to much of the Muslim world, Americans in general are not nearly as demonstrative or open about their affections as other nations are. off the top of my head the only more reserved nation I can think of is perhaps Japan, and even there it's common for friends of the same sex to hold each other's hands in public, which is something Americans would never do. Even Canada, which is culturally quite similar to the US, is (accurately) known for having much more polite and sensitive citizens in general.

Oh my goodness. Assuming you are now in the Czech Republic, since your location says Prague, that is SO true!! ! My maternal family is Czech, and honestly I have never heard the words "I love you" from either of my grandparents all my life. Everyone speaks their mind, no matter how rough it is, which would be unacceptable, if not utterly terrifying, on my dad's very American side. And yet, my Czech family is the most SOLID and tight bunch of people. DARN RIGHT do we all love each other deep down. They WILL take care of you and even bend over backward for you, despite NEVER giving hugs, kisses, and other more overt gestures of friendly kinship. Frankly, there's just no need for that. The bond is so strong it doesn't need any exhibitions.

Well how do you know that all of those people aren't lying and say they are genuinely concerned so people wouldn't accuse them of being a heartless psychopath in something akin to The Emperor's New Clothes. It's not about what other's believe in, but what you believe they believe in. Anyway, I think it can be safely assumed that some people genuinely care, and others don't, and there is a continuum across people about which people they care for and how much they care.

What, the lousy censor won't let you say shít? What's the world coming to? Man, I've got empathy for you! And I mean true aspie heartfelt empathy, none of that crocodile-tears onion-in-hand NT posturing!

Don't make me laugh! I hate to laugh.