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Why are some "adult milestones" harder for some?

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wtfid2
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29 Dec 2012, 5:07 pm

Nonperson wrote:
I wonder to what degree it correlates with gender. It seems like the same behaviors that trigger the "evil mastermind" stereotype when shown by male aspies are read as "quirky and a bit slow" in a female. Obviously, if I'm seen as a harmless, helpless ditz, it's far easier for me to find a boyfriend than a job. Likewise, since any slightly "odd" behavior in a male tends to be seen as threatening by women ("creepy"), but male oddness is also associated with intelligence ("absent-minded professor", "mad scientist"), it seems it would be easier for the average aspie guy to find a job than a girlfriend.

EDIT: Not that I'd want a boyfriend who treated me like an idiot, but it's easier to get to know people when they don't initially fear you.
nonperson?


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metaldanielle
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29 Dec 2012, 10:45 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
What advice would you give to those ("stilted" individuals like myself) who have the exact opposite problem (employment being easier than friends or LTR)? I am curious as to why individuals who are possibly lower functioning than myself, according to outside evaluations, do much better than me at some of these things, so I can figure out how to fix the problem.

I have only casual friends in my current location, no one I would consider "close," and while I'm far from a virgin, I've never been in a long-term relationship, yet I've always been well employed for my level of education. I don't think I've ever been directly shut out, but I don't know how to engage NT's, so whatever relationships exists is usually very shallow and based on things like common interests, or some sort of quid pro quo.

Does disclosing yourself as someone with autism help with friends or lovers (not employers) accepting you and your quirks?

The only advice I have is to count your blessings, and try your best. :shrug: I would love to have the independence that a job and the subsequent cash gives.

I have friends for as long as they put up w/ me and then I try to find new ones. ATM, all of my friends are online-only and have AS, so that makes the disclosure issue moot. It also gives us common ground in addition to whatever common interests lead us to become friends.

I have only been w/ my first bf for less than 5 months and that was sheer luck. I did tell him about AS the first day. I figured that if it is a problem for him, (or anyone I might date) that I might as well find out in the beginning before feelings get involved. Of course, he didn't know what it was and didn't really know what he was saying when he told me that it wasn't going to scare him off. We'll see if he is ok w/ it when the inevitable blunders show up and I hurt his feelings. :(


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loner1984
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29 Dec 2012, 10:49 pm

Passive i think fits.