terrible "accident"

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After reading your post, I feel you did everything you could have done. I do feel the authorities could have done more. But as for you---you did all you could. Don't blame yourself.

Magnaninmous sorry that is bollocks. Some police are dickheads just like some transport workers are dickheads, some mechanics are dickheads and some teachers are dickheads. The OP was a lone female attempting to deal with a violent and enraged male; calling the police was PRECISELY what she should have done for her own protection AND for his. Most police do a dangerous job that you (and me) very likely wouldn't have the balls for. A few bad eggs doesn't mean we should write off all of the police.

edit: To the OP: Please disregard the rubbish spouted above. You did the right thing.

Well, I'm transgender (female-to-male), that's also why the police asked me if he was homosexual (they know about me being transgender).
I haven't heared about this rumour they were talking about before, but this doesn't change anything anyway.

He was much bigger than me and if would have let him in, when he was kicking against my door and he would have done something to me, I wouldn't have been able to do a thing.

Last edited by Raziel on 08 Jan 2013, 9:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

I could have sworn your profile said female when I looked? Did you change the gender in your profile? If it said male all along then sorry if I caused any offence; I totally respect your gender identity. I think my point is still valid - whether you consider yourself male or female then like you said he was much bigger than you and there is nothing you could have done to stop him had he became violent toward you personally rather than just your door and kicking your door like that is only one step away imo.

No, it said "male" since the beginning.
But anyway, there is some truth to it. I'm taking hormones (testosterone) since nearly two years now, but I'm still not that strong than most men and still have my female sexorganes...!

I think the piont is that I needed help and asked for it no matter what.
This situation was too much for me and that's for me the crucial moment for me in this scene.

No. Absolutely not. The actions you took trying to help your friend were more than many neurotypicals would be capable of taking. You called the doctors twice, and called the police trying to get help for him. They ignored you even though you told them that he was acting strange. If someone calls the doctor or the police and say that someone is "acting strange", has a known mental disorder, and is crying uncontrollably, that is enough cause to take that person to the hospital and have him checked over to check for both mental and physical problems. He could have been "acting strange" because he was entering a diabetic coma, for example. There would have been no way to know one way or the other without taking him to the hospital and doing an exam. Just because the symptoms are psychological does not mean that they can ignore the problem. The illness can be physical; or the risk of suicide can be much higher than they expected.

Do you know this guy's family? Friends? Talk to them. Tell them what you did and how you were ignored. This sounds like something that needs to be taken up with whoever monitors the quality of medical and law enforcement services. You can't know whether your friend was the only one to die thanks to their ignoring people in his position. If this is allowed to go on, there may be others. See if you can get the family to report this to someone who can do something about it.

Whether the death was an accident or a suicide may not even matter, particularly. Someone may be impaired by a mental illness so that he cannot drive safely and gets into an accident. That would still have been preventable.

I really doubt this was just a case of loneliness. This guy obviously wasn't thinking straight. He couldn't string a sentence together coherently. He was desperate enough to try to kick a friend's door down. He was probably, at some level, trying to find help--and he would have found it, if the police or the psychologists had just listened to Raziel. In fact, neither Raziel nor his friend did anything wrong here--he knew he was having problems and he asked for help; Raziel tried his best to get it for him. But the system ignored them.

It doesn't really matter whether there was any physical danger. It is very logical to call the police for help when someone is in crisis and the psychologists refuse to help, especially if he is so frustrated that he is kicking doors down. Police are often called when someone with a mental disorder becomes confused and gets lost, or when someone who is obviously impaired is behaving in a risky or erratic manner.

You are exactly right. Callista says it all much better than I did above this post. You did all you could and were ignored. I'm no lawyer but I suspect that your friend's family need to be talking to a lawyer round about now in respect of the possible negligence shown by the police. The whole thing bout the comments they made about the "rumour" just adds a whole other dimension to it and brings into question whether they didn't react to the situation properly because they were downplaying it in their mind as some kind of "lover's tiff". edit: That is absolutely not what I think by the way but I know how prejudicial and dismissive people can be and I am very cynical so I can easily imagine a certain kind of person thinking in that way.

Heck, if something like this were to happen here it would probably be picked up by - at the very least - the regional media. I wouldn't even be suprised if something like this were to feature non-prominently in national press in the UK which is where I am from.

edit: If it did turn out that the police were negligent then the LGBT media at the very least would be all over this like a rash if the family wanted it to be publicised.

He had no family. He grew up by his grandma and she passed away. He even didn't know where his parents are living of if they are still alive.
I contacted another friend of him, I didn't know before. Noone had toled him so far, so I had to do that.

Because of that it is very difficult to find out informations at the moment. I still don't know when the funeral is and so on. He is propably still in the forensic medicine. They want to check if it was an accident or suicide. In my opinion they acted wrong either way, no matter what.

For me personally the talking with the police and hospital and so on was a lot of stress.

I had a lot of trouble with the psychiatry in the past, but now they are nice like s**t.

I am very sorry this happened. It is not your fault though. You tried to get your friend help and the people you called did not listen. The responsibility lies with the Police and emergency services. It is their fault they did not listen when your friend needed help. Make sure they are held responsible for their "lack" of action.

Possible that they thought that way. I didn't think about this possibility before. Because I really asked myself who could have said this rumour and had no explenation for it, because I have never heared it before.
Well yes, this would explain part of the situation at least.

The police said in one scene that she (it was a he and a she) is no relationship council and I told her that we are not and he is just a normal friend, that's it. But he was very strange, so it was easy to asume that, especcially because he acted in a kind of sexual way. He never did before. Something was strange with him.

I don't know what to think about this whole thing...!

He had trouble his entire life with (public) authorities, because he was afraid they could harm him in some way. He was somewhat paranoid, but because of his dead this is very tragic and somehow sarcastic.

This is a good point. Considering that you are trans and he got labeled gay (whether he was or not doesn't matter; it's the perception that brings the prejudice)....

Are you in touch with other LGBT people in your area? Perhaps some of them could tell you whether there are lawyers, etc., who could get this thing fixed, make the police stop acting like this, change the way they handle mental health crises. I don't know whether they'd know about things like that, but it seems a reasonable place to start, anyway... Whether it's a disability issue or a sexuality issue or just a matter of the police being overloaded on New Year's and ignoring what seemed like a minor incident despite the obvious red flags, I think it could be something an advocacy group might pursue. Also try local disability advocacy groups, especially mental health groups.

One organisation for transgender ppl is allready informed, this is because the friend of mine whom I was talking on the phone to this night is working for one. So she knows exactly what happened, because she heared most on the phone and even talked to him on the phone in this night.

In my area they are very small, but this is one of the biggest organisations in my country. I'll ask them to look into it or whatever they can do. Even they are not that big.

I'm a lot more pissed of at the psychiatry because 1) of all it's not the first time I have trouble with them and 2) the shrink asked me on the phone this night (when I called the psychiatry and asked for an ambulance) if I've been in therapy before? (They have informations about me) I said "yes" and after my response she didn't took me serious anymore.
I had trouble with the psychiatry for months because they treated me incorrect and went away very pissed of. They thought I just want attention, well they don't think that anymore...!
Now they are nice like s**t.

Just how naive are you?
Do you know what the police exist for?

I'll tell you. The police exist to safeguard corporate interests. They exist to protect the big money-makers FROM the general public.
They don't give a toss about the problems of any given one of us. They're just after the next paycheck, much like the rest of us... except their job involves bullying the general public, and if they don't do a certain amount of bullying then it looks like they're not doing their job.
It is ignorance like yours that lets them get away with the s**t they do. It is ignorance like yours that is steadily making us into slaves of the state. Every time you buy into their propaganda, our frail liberties die a little more.

Great. Just great. They ignore somebody saying "This person needs help" because they have also been in therapy?! If that were me, I would be much more likely to listen to someone who had experience with mental/psychological issues, because if anyone short of a professional would know when a problem was serious, it would be someone who had dealt with similar problems in their own lives. I know that I am much more capable of understanding mental illness because of my own struggles with it.

Yeah. That's prejudice. Not listening to somebody because they have, at one point, been in therapy, is a clear case of prejudice.

Think about what you're saying here. You are saying that every single police officer is a bully who doesn't care. Isn't that an overly general statement? You haven't met every police officer out there. You've probably only met a handful who happen to work in your area. Yes, there are bad police officers out there; there are also good ones, and ones who are somewhere in the middle. There are places where the police forces are badly organized, overworked, or poorly trained. But police officers are human beings and should be judged as individuals, not stereotyped by their uniforms.

That makes no sense. Exactly what am I supposed to do if a crime is committed against me or around me if I can't call the police?

He must have had a tough life. I feel so sorry for him. It's so sad that his life ended like that.

I hope you (or someone) can make the police and the psychiartists or whoever didn't take you seriously pay for this loss.