To be brutally honest.

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That's perfectly fine to voice your pains and concerns, but it shouldn't be the main purpose of the site. Wouldn't you say that would be a good use of the haven sub board.


Again I'm not complaining, I'm voicing a grave concern, that this site is a beacon and the message may be very damaging.

I'm not attacking any one person, I'm not expecting everyone to get this, but without question, this site may be doing a fair amount of damage to the passers bye.

Last edited by Stoek on 22 Jan 2013, 12:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Listen again all I can say is that may work for you. In fact this might work for the 500-1000 regular posters on this site.

However I can almost guarantee you that this site is overwhelming for the vast majority of aspies that do not post on this site.

I'm not a passer by, I've talked to many many aspies on this site through pm or other channels, and either of one of two situations run true, either they're overwhelmed by the negativity on this site, or they themselves suffer from not recognizing this unfounded negativity is doing to themselves.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to vent, share issues or troubles, or that you should pretend to be happy, I'm saying you at some point have to realize, that his might not be helpful for possibly you, and likely several million aspies around the world.

I

I agree with your observation, Stoek, but I also see it as a given with a site of this type, not just with Aspies. I've been on forums for people with arthritis, fibromyalgia, migraines, and for introverts and other disorders or minority issues, political forums, and even forums with positive special interests. In all of them I see a lot of negativity. In some because of an "us" and "them" perception, and others simply because if you have a health issue or difference that brings people together in a forum, they're going to focus on that, and being different is in so many ways seen as negative, not necessarily by those who are different, but, if not, then by those around them so that they're targeted in some way.

It's difficult not to focus on those differences from others, whatever they are, because they are something that we all experience to one degree or another as a negative, and it's the reason we're here, or there - on any forum.

My point is that it's the nature of internet forums.

Most people I know, from any group, minority or majority, find it too easy to focus on negatives when on an internet forum.

For many, I think, WP is a virtual support group. We are therefore going to discuss the things that we have struggled with and the things we still struggle with. It's pretty inevitable that there will be a certain amount of negativity and complaining (although I have also seen humour, support for others and success stories). Whether this results in a negative outcome is not for you or anyone else to decide. What a person gets out of a forum like this is an entirely individual experience.

One of the big reasons I am here is because I want to get ideas for getting my life on track. I was diagnosed with Asperger's at the end of 2011, at the age of 34. I had a very confusing time up until then. I've never met anyone like me in real life and still haven't. Then, all of a sudden, I find an entire community of people like me online. Wow! They've had my experiences. They can relate to the things I say and they don't judge me. Not even my closest friends can do that. It is a relief to know that you are not alone, and without this forum I'd feel adrift.

I have to admit I am confused because you've also said:



So it seems that you're okay with people expressing some negativity, but at a certain point you think it becomes too much? I don't know if I have interpreted that correctly. Any limit would have to be very arbitrary. Nonetheless, wherever the threshold may lie, I will not, and do not, feel guilty for any of my contributions. I would not want to see the people on WP censored for negativity in any way. We already get enough censorship on our behaviour in real life due to disapproval from others. Where else can we be ourselves?

If I were to pick one thing about the forum that I don't like, it's the way the relationship between Aspies and NTs is so often framed as "us and them", as if NTs were one homogenous lump. I try not to perpetuate that. However, I do understand why people who have been hurt badly by the majority use it.

I wouldn't call them my pains and concerns and I do not think what I post is really appropriate for the Haven. That is, I am mostly looking to process and understand things, not looking for support.

To the OP +1

I just wasted time on a vanished thread

Its only feedback usefully applied that brings any change imo

I disagree totally. When you bear in mind that we are a minority in society, a society which does not accept our differences nor accommodate them, we need an outlet for frustrations and problem-sharing. It's only this type of place that we can do so freely and without prejudices. Everyone needs someone to share their problems with, and many Aspies lack friendships or have trouble with them so perhaps this is for many, the only type of place they can feel like they can talk to a 'friend'.

Why would you begrudge them that? Just because they spill the negative stuff here, doesn't mean there are no positives, but logically we don't need to share the positives because they are an acceptable part of our life not needing discussion and one of the known things Aspies have trouble with is sharing positive experiences and the types of things others share together, it's actually a question in the assessment form.

When you say 'passers by' do you mean potential Aspie users or NTs viewing us as a group? NTs already don't understand us so what's the difference. Potential Aspie users can choose this site or go elsewhere, no-one forces them to like the style of the forum or to use it, there are others out there.

This thread does make an interesting contrast to the NT poster who complained at length how people on this forum were entirely too positive about being autistic a couple of weeks ago.

I think that the OP wants to encourage Aspies to come onto WP and to see it as a "beacon" (OP's words) for Aspies all over the world.

edit: Clarity

I think that the OP's onto something. I don't think that we should tear him up for just wanting the site to be more positive.

I believe that the OP means well, and so do other posters in this thread. Any references in my post to what OP thinks are my interpertations based on his writings in this thread and other threads.

I believe that OP is indicating that WP is and should be a "beacon" to Aspies around the world, or at least those who can read and write English. However, there is a concern, and I know OP is not the only one who has expressed this, that there is too much negativity on this board. Many of us personally know Aspies that have read WP for 15 minutes and clicked away in disgust. OP may be close to the mark that the "negative" tone on this board, particularly in General, might scare people away from this board.

If the point of WP is to be "The online resource and community for Autism and Asperger's", then scaring away newcomers might not be the optimal approach.

What I believe OP is attempting to suggest is a voluntary approach to reduce the amount of "negative" threads and posts that overall might lead to a reduction in the utility of this site to newly arriving Aspies. Any discussion of moderation policies is beyond the scope of this post or this thread, and should be discussed in the approprate sub-forum.

I personally don't have a problem with threads and posts of this nature in the "Haven" sub-forum, which is expressly reserved for that purpose.

Admitting to yourself that you're an Aspie is rough enough, but to come to the leading neurodiversity message board and to read some of the posts in the "General Autism Discussion" sub-forum may make that self-realization and internal discussion that much harder. It's a hard balance to make between the existing interests of the current WP membership, and the hypothetical Aspie looking for a new community, but I personally believe that we, as a community, do need to move more in the direction of making WP a more welcoming place for those of us who need it.

The OP is absolutely on the right track.

This place is unreal at times.

Well stoek, you like to be brutally honest bus so do we.

I don't want to offend you either but regulating our negative posts means that we are not being totally honest about ourselves and all sorts of other issues anymore. Instead of being honest we would be keeping up appearances and I think that a false and fake form of optimism can be just as bad as being pessimistic and negative. I for myself don't think that I can become a person with a positive attitude just by repressing al the negativity inside of my mind.

Our posts may come across as a bit negative but that does not mean that we feel like that all the time.
A post on a forum can be compared with a snapshot. I sometimes post certain things in the heat of the moment.

Besides, the positive would not exist without the negative. It'is just a part a life.
Sometimes one just has to work out all the negative feelings inside before taking a different stand.

Last edited by pokerface on 22 Jan 2013, 9:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

But should we be willing to take into account that loss to Aspies everywhere from the overall tone? I realize that each marginal post is'nt much, but overall, might WP posters be more welcoming if some of the posts were routed to "Haven", which is expressely for that function?

Are you related to one of those guys who founded Intensity Squared?