Do Relentlessly Positive People Annoy You?

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nessa238
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24 Jan 2013, 12:53 pm

kamiyu910 wrote:
I am an optimistic pessimist, meaning I'm cynical and jaded but say things like "It could be worse!" And then think of all the ways it could be worse.
I have a hard time constant cheerful bubbliness. With some people it feels so fake it physically makes me feel bad. I'm tired of being told to cheer up, or to "get over it". My mom always told me "No one likes a wet blanket" and that made me hide my feelings under a mask. I was never cheerful but I never let on how much I hurt inside. As I got older, I got more and more angry at hiding it. I still have a hard time letting it all out and it's unhealthy.
I don't mind a little positivity, but don't smother me in it. I guess I prefer positive reinforcement in a practical way. Like if I post a problem to a group of NT's, I just really don't like most of the replies. Things like *hugs* and "Thinking about you" don't really do much... eh... I have some issues I really need to work out.

Edit: I should say I haven't really seen any of that sickening positivity, just people telling us to "get over it". If I could, I WOULD.


Yes I do the 'It could be a LOT worse' thing too. I definitely count my blessings. I think I'm just a realist and I don't go in for self-delusion.



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24 Jan 2013, 12:56 pm

nessa238 wrote:
whirlingmind wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
It's a resounding YES for me!

I don't mind people being positive and doing all their outgoing positive stuff at all but if they try and lecture me and others about why we should be just like them or we're doing something seriously wrong it really gets my goat!

Let people be how they want to be!

If you find them too negative - go off and be positive elsewhere!

A lot of the time what comes across to these 'anti-negativity people' as negative is just the reality of a person's day to day life and their attempts to cope with it

People need support, not to be told to run a marathon!

All I can say is I'd hate to have to rely on one of these ANP's (Anti-Negativity People) for support if I was seriously depressed - you wouldn't see them for dust! - your negative mood would just bring them down and they'd vanish

Hence not good friend material at all in my opinion


Nessa, you crack me up! :lol: :lol:


Why?

What's so funny?



Hey mate I'm on your side. I love your sense of balance, putting up a thread which turns Stoek's claims to the other side. I just think you have handled this deliciously. :twisted: :D (Let's hope you can beat his thread count :twisted: )


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Last edited by whirlingmind on 24 Jan 2013, 1:23 pm, edited 4 times in total.

CyclopsSummers
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24 Jan 2013, 12:56 pm

whirlingmind wrote:
OK, forgive me if such a thing exists, because I tend to stick to only one or two parts of this site, and haven't fully explored the rest. Does Alex have a mission statement or something, where he states the intentions of this site, what it would like to achieve, who it would like to appeal to etc.?


I looked for one, but couldn't find it. At least, nothing beyond: "Wrong Planet is the web community designed for individuals (and parents / professionals of those) with Autism, Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD, PDDs, and other neurological differences. We provide a discussion forum, where members communicate with each other, an article section, with exclusive articles and how-to guides, a blogging feature, and a chatroom for real-time communication with other Aspies. "
at the top of the homepage.

There used to be a line at the bottom of the page, that said 'Asperger's is not a disease', which reflected Alex's -and by extension the forum's- stance on that matter, but that seems to have been removed.


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whirlingmind
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24 Jan 2013, 12:58 pm

Thank you.

Quote:
We provide a discussion forum, where members communicate with each other


Communicating, not "communicating happily"...


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24 Jan 2013, 1:03 pm

nessa238 wrote:
I personally thing that the General Autism Discussion forum is bound to have a certain amount of negative posts for the very fact of the difficulties people with an ASD often face ie if I was new to WP it would not surprise me in the least to see negative threads or posts on this main forum as that to me is the nature of Asperger forums and in fact most forums! The negative invariably attracts more attention than the positive. Dramas do not contain people all living wonderful lives and livign in a spirit of continual positivity! If that was what people preferred why on earth are programmes like Eastenders and Coronation Street so popular??

People like to moan - it's a fact!

But there are plenty of less negative threads to balance this out.

People can create threads on whatever subject they choose!

I see The Haven as somewhere to post if I was feeling really really depressed ie I would not want to just post a thread that discussed negative subject matter in the Haven as I dont' think it would be fair on people who are often suffering with really bad depression. The Haven is for people going through a bad time in my opinion and I dont' see that a thread about eg how annoying something NTs do is relevant for The Haven at all, as that has a predominantly supportive function and moaning or pointing something negative out or having a negative opinion may just be how someone chooses to express themself at that time ie they don't need support, they just want to express themselves.

I post both negative, positive, informational and supportive posts ie I post a variety of different types of post depending on what is going on in my life at the time and on my particular mood.

Surely one of the major problems with Aspergers is that we often get the following implied message from the majority of non-autistic people - 'We don't accept you because you are different to us'. The people moaning about negative posts make me feel it's just another version of the NT message ie another form of intolerance.


nessa238 wrote:
Agreed. I associate it very much with NT's too, which is why, whatever the diagnosis of the ANP's (Anti-Negativity People) doing
their ANP thing on here, I feel oppressed by it as I come to WP as a sanctuary, to escape from all things that are NT-associated
in my mind.


I understand that you believe that a desire for "positive" posts is NT-associated.

I have tried in this debate not to impede people's desire to post what they want on WP, subject to the TOS. I personally advocate that posters should be aware that "General" is open to the public, and would be the first thing that newcomers see when they visit WP. This is the only board of it's type in the English speaking world. There are other boards, and without naming names, they all have problems and limited membership.

I don't believe anyone has an issue when new posters come on WP and post threads about how their lives "suck", and in many cases these postings are entirely deserved. I myself don't think we should throw every post of such nature to another sub-forum, we don't have the moderator staff for it. We do however want to be aware that what we post on WP could drive newcomers away. I believe that Aspies who come to WP are upset enough as it is, and that we should be welcoming. I would like posters to take more responsability to contact mods and ask for their own threads to be moved if they realize that the thread should be elsewhere.

I also am slightly annoyed that posting constructive advice for how to improve one's life is seen as "NT". I realize that the standard for what is "NT" is set by an individual reader, but that standard does seem rather....low. People should'nt be telling each other that "Oh, just make more eye contact, and read her non-verbal gestures", because that's a learned behavior that Aspies, by definition, don't have. However, "Go outside, meet people", is constructive advice. I realize that many posters have transporation difficulties and social anxiety, but I don't think we should accuse well-intentioned posters of being "NT".


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24 Jan 2013, 1:04 pm

jk1 wrote:
I agree with the OP.

I don't like negativity bashing. I suspect that the OP started this thread in response to some other thread(s) that was bashing negativity etc (if not, sorry).

I also think perceiving negativity in other people's words and actions could be the reflection of their own negativity. I say this because some posters here seem to perceive negativity in something in which I didn't see any negativity.

Telling people who are depressed (feeling extremely negative) to be positive is one of the worst things. It can make them attempt suicide. They need understanding, not lecturing, bashing etc.


I totally agree

I don't have a problem listening to people talk about how depressed the feel or how something really annoys them - it doesn't affect me badly as I understand them

I would always encourage anyone feeling down or negative to express themselves by posting on WP or talking to someone - it's far better to engage with other people than struggle on alone

I've been suicidally depressed a number of times in the past and I know how close you can go to the edge in these circumstances. In this type of situation, having someone listen to you and understand on a forum can be a lifeline

If new people who came to WP saw nothing but positivity on the General Discussion - that could put off a depressed person from posting as they might feel they wouldn't be accepted or wouldn't fit in. It's far better for there to be a healthy balance of different types of threads and posts, to appeal to varying types of people.



nessa238
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24 Jan 2013, 1:06 pm

whirlingmind wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
whirlingmind wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
It's a resounding YES for me!

I don't mind people being positive and doing all their outgoing positive stuff at all but if they try and lecture me and others about why we should be just like them or we're doing something seriously wrong it really gets my goat!

Let people be how they want to be!

If you find them too negative - go off and be positive elsewhere!

A lot of the time what comes across to these 'anti-negativity people' as negative is just the reality of a person's day to day life and their attempts to cope with it

People need support, not to be told to run a marathon!

All I can say is I'd hate to have to rely on one of these ANP's (Anti-Negativity People) for support if I was seriously depressed - you wouldn't see them for dust! - your negative mood would just bring them down and they'd vanish

Hence not good friend material at all in my opinion


Nessa, you crack me up! :lol: :lol:


Why?

What's so funny?


Hey mate I'm on your side. I love your sense of balance, putting up a thread which turns Stoek's claims to the other side. I just think you have handled this deliciously. :twisted: :D (Let's hope you can beat his thread count :twisted: )


Ok thanks :D



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24 Jan 2013, 1:12 pm

People being obnoxiously positive to make you angry pisses me off, but someone being positive because everything's going good for them doesn't bother me at all.


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24 Jan 2013, 1:25 pm

whirlingmind wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
whirlingmind wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
It's a resounding YES for me!

I don't mind people being positive and doing all their outgoing positive stuff at all but if they try and lecture me and others about why we should be just like them or we're doing something seriously wrong it really gets my goat!

Let people be how they want to be!

If you find them too negative - go off and be positive elsewhere!

A lot of the time what comes across to these 'anti-negativity people' as negative is just the reality of a person's day to day life and their attempts to cope with it

People need support, not to be told to run a marathon!

All I can say is I'd hate to have to rely on one of these ANP's (Anti-Negativity People) for support if I was seriously depressed - you wouldn't see them for dust! - your negative mood would just bring them down and they'd vanish

Hence not good friend material at all in my opinion


Nessa, you crack me up! :lol: :lol:


Why?

What's so funny?



Hey mate I'm on your side. I love your sense of balance, putting up a thread which turns Stoek's claims to the other side. I just think you have handled this deliciously. :twisted: :D (Let's hope you can beat his thread count :twisted: )


Hey Stoek, quit the threats by PM.
Quote:
(Let's hope you can beat his thread count :twisted: )
was intended as a joke! :roll:


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Last edited by whirlingmind on 24 Jan 2013, 1:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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24 Jan 2013, 1:26 pm

nessa238 wrote:
jk1 wrote:
I totally agree

I don't have a problem listening to people talk about how depressed the feel or how something really annoys them - it doesn't affect me badly as I understand them
.


You do realize that by you own admission you enjoy the negativity.

Many here do not.

Many here do not wish to talk about suicide while they are trying to eat their breakfast and make a new friend.

Like seriously how can you be so insensitive to other people.

We have no where else to go.

We don't want people not to share things, we simply don't want venting to be done in general when the haven exists for exactly this purpose.

As was said we've all made threads in the haven.

It's simply inappropriate to talk about such things in General.

As many people come here searching for a reason to live.

It's venting or sharing, only when someone wants it to be shared, when it's not consensual it's call dumping and is a form of emotional abuse.



nessa238
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24 Jan 2013, 1:27 pm

AgentPalpatine wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I personally thing that the General Autism Discussion forum is bound to have a certain amount of negative posts for the very fact of the difficulties people with an ASD often face ie if I was new to WP it would not surprise me in the least to see negative threads or posts on this main forum as that to me is the nature of Asperger forums and in fact most forums! The negative invariably attracts more attention than the positive. Dramas do not contain people all living wonderful lives and livign in a spirit of continual positivity! If that was what people preferred why on earth are programmes like Eastenders and Coronation Street so popular??

People like to moan - it's a fact!

But there are plenty of less negative threads to balance this out.

People can create threads on whatever subject they choose!

I see The Haven as somewhere to post if I was feeling really really depressed ie I would not want to just post a thread that discussed negative subject matter in the Haven as I dont' think it would be fair on people who are often suffering with really bad depression. The Haven is for people going through a bad time in my opinion and I dont' see that a thread about eg how annoying something NTs do is relevant for The Haven at all, as that has a predominantly supportive function and moaning or pointing something negative out or having a negative opinion may just be how someone chooses to express themself at that time ie they don't need support, they just want to express themselves.

I post both negative, positive, informational and supportive posts ie I post a variety of different types of post depending on what is going on in my life at the time and on my particular mood.

Surely one of the major problems with Aspergers is that we often get the following implied message from the majority of non-autistic people - 'We don't accept you because you are different to us'. The people moaning about negative posts make me feel it's just another version of the NT message ie another form of intolerance.


nessa238 wrote:
Agreed. I associate it very much with NT's too, which is why, whatever the diagnosis of the ANP's (Anti-Negativity People) doing
their ANP thing on here, I feel oppressed by it as I come to WP as a sanctuary, to escape from all things that are NT-associated
in my mind.


I understand that you believe that a desire for "positive" posts is NT-associated.

I have tried in this debate not to impede people's desire to post what they want on WP, subject to the TOS. I personally advocate that posters should be aware that "General" is open to the public, and would be the first thing that newcomers see when they visit WP. This is the only board of it's type in the English speaking world. There are other boards, and without naming names, they all have problems and limited membership.

I don't believe anyone has an issue when new posters come on WP and post threads about how their lives "suck", and in many cases these postings are entirely deserved. I myself don't think we should throw every post of such nature to another sub-forum, we don't have the moderator staff for it. We do however want to be aware that what we post on WP could drive newcomers away. I believe that Aspies who come to WP are upset enough as it is, and that we should be welcoming. I would like posters to take more responsability to contact mods and ask for their own threads to be moved if they realize that the thread should be elsewhere.

I also am slightly annoyed that posting constructive advice for how to improve one's life is seen as "NT". I realize that the standard for what is "NT" is set by an individual reader, but that standard does seem rather....low. People should'nt be telling each other that "Oh, just make more eye contact, and read her non-verbal gestures", because that's a learned behavior that Aspies, by definition, don't have. However, "Go outside, meet people", is constructive advice. I realize that many posters have transporation difficulties and social anxiety, but I don't think we should accuse well-intentioned posters of being "NT".


I have no problem at all with anyone posting constructive advice. It's when the person is being patronising, saying things like 'Stop being like this and start being like me by doing this' - that is the type of post I have a problem with.

I wouldn't dream of telling a person to start attending their local GP Patient Reference Group to make sure they are fully informed about what's going on in the NHS so by the same token I dont' expect others to tell people to run a marathon, take up a martial art or ride a bike either - those are things a sporty person is going to be naturally into but a bookish or non-sporty person like me would not want to do such things just as I bet he sporty type wouldn't want to go anywhere near a Patient Reference Group - it takes all sorts to make a world.



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24 Jan 2013, 1:29 pm

Stoek wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
jk1 wrote:
I totally agree

I don't have a problem listening to people talk about how depressed the feel or how something really annoys them - it doesn't affect me badly as I understand them
.


You do realize that by you own admission you enjoy the negativity.

Many here do not.

Many here do not wish to talk about suicide while they are trying to eat their breakfast and make a new friend.

Like seriously how can you be so insensitive to other people.

We have no where else to go.

We don't want people not to share things, we simply don't want venting to be done in general when the haven exists for exactly this purpose.

As was said we've all made threads in the haven.

It's simply inappropriate to talk about such things in General.

As many people come here searching for a reason to live.

It's venting or sharing, only when someone wants it to be shared, when it's not consensual it's call dumping and is a form of emotional abuse.



I disagree totally

People can vent all they like on the General Discussion

And when people feel suicidal they usually do post in The Haven

I find your attitude quite the opposite of sensitive - it seems pretty callous to me



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24 Jan 2013, 1:54 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Stoek wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
jk1 wrote:
I totally agree

I don't have a problem listening to people talk about how depressed the feel or how something really annoys them - it doesn't affect me badly as I understand them
.


You do realize that by you own admission you enjoy the negativity.

Many here do not.

Many here do not wish to talk about suicide while they are trying to eat their breakfast and make a new friend.

Like seriously how can you be so insensitive to other people.

We have no where else to go.

We don't want people not to share things, we simply don't want venting to be done in general when the haven exists for exactly this purpose.

As was said we've all made threads in the haven.

It's simply inappropriate to talk about such things in General.

As many people come here searching for a reason to live.

It's venting or sharing, only when someone wants it to be shared, when it's not consensual it's call dumping and is a form of emotional abuse.



I disagree totally

People can vent all they like on the General Discussion

And when people feel suicidal they usually do post in The Haven

I find your attitude quite the opposite of sensitive - it seems pretty callous to me



See but this isn't about whether or not people can vent all they want.

Obviously they can and they do.

The problem is it's called dumping when it's not consensual venting.

This is the problem and it's hard to deny it's a problem when you yourself are immune to the problem.



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24 Jan 2013, 1:56 pm

Stoek wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
jk1 wrote:
I totally agree

I don't have a problem listening to people talk about how depressed the feel or how something really annoys them - it doesn't affect me badly as I understand them
.


You do realize that by you own admission you enjoy the negativity.

Many here do not.

Many here do not wish to talk about suicide while they are trying to eat their breakfast and make a new friend.

Like seriously how can you be so insensitive to other people.

We have no where else to go.

We don't want people not to share things, we simply don't want venting to be done in general when the haven exists for exactly this purpose.

As was said we've all made threads in the haven.

It's simply inappropriate to talk about such things in General.

As many people come here searching for a reason to live.

It's venting or sharing, only when someone wants it to be shared, when it's not consensual it's call dumping and is a form of emotional abuse.


People do not have to read a post if they don't want to. No one is trying to force anything on anyone except yourself.
Haven specifically states "For those times when you're feeling blue and need to get a little help from your friends. Discuss all those issues that are not covered by the other forums in the Coping in life category." Venting is not "feeling blue", venting is a release of frustration. Complaining is not the same as venting, either. venting is an emotional release and is very healthy. It is not healthy to not do it. And it seems many people are not comfortable venting in a forum made for people having a hard and depressing time in life.


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Chloe33
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24 Jan 2013, 1:56 pm

What is the definition of a relentlessly positive person?
I understand they might be the never give up positive type, like maybe a self help guru? That type of person?



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24 Jan 2013, 2:23 pm

Chloe33 wrote:
What is the definition of a relentlessly positive person?
I understand they might be the never give up positive type, like maybe a self help guru? That type of person?


The relentlessly positive people I dislike are the ones who refuse to even think anything negative. They refuse to listen to your problems, instead spout cute little anecdotes and quote motivational phrases, especially if anyone says anything that can be perceived as negative. I don't consider the people who tell me to "Suck it up" to be positive, just mean (even if unintentionally mean). I also dislike it when people don't listen to me and think they have the answer to my problem that they didn't even listen to, or treat me like I don't know what I'm talking about.


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