If an aspie is rude UNINTENTIONALLY should s/he be chastised

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No, but they should be told why what they said or did was wrong so they can try and avoid causing offence in the future.

I will verbally correct my kids with an explanation about the correction. If I catch the offense, then it's probably pretty blatant so I have no issue with stepping in.

I also agree because I've felt this way many times during my childhood and adolescence. I hated being chastised for no reason because it made me feel like a loser and a monster. I felt that everybody hated me and it wouldn't have made a difference if I were to die the next day. I've attempted suicide a few times at the ages 14 and 15, because I felt that I was too much of an embarrassment to my parents and my sister. That was before I started to respect all life. I've always been a very sensitive person.

Absolutely yes is my personal opinion. Otherwise, we might have no way of ever learning the correct behavior. I learned a lot of social rules in the military just because people are more blunt there.

I'm pretty sure "chastised" means "verbally corrected" not punished, for those who seem to be confused. I would not support punishment under these circumstances, just verbal correction. Save punishment for egregious or intentional offenses.

No, there's no need for punishment. You wouldn't punish a child for tripping and accidentally pushing someone over, would you? So accidental insults shouldn't be punished either.

However, please--please--inform them about what they have done and why it may have offended someone. They need to learn these things. Aspies are as decent and caring as anyone else, and we tend to be really horrified to learn that we've been doing something offensive and everyone has been too polite to tell us about it. I've literally cried on multiple occasions, when I discovered I had made such an accidental misstep, especially if I learn I've done it more than once and nobody told me.

Punishment isn't necessary. They are probably beating themselves up over it already. Give them information. I would want to know what I did, what variations on it are okay or offensive, in what company it is okay or offensive to do; I'd want to know what social taboo I had violated, and then find out what would be useful to do instead.

My parents don't either, but thankfully they tell me what I've said/done is wrong and why like yours do. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 3rd grade (misdiagnosed I suspect) and an ADHD trait is saying and doing things that are rude/offensive/wrong impulsively but then later realizing that it wasn't right so my mom parents always thought I need to try to think before I speak. However, I've always known that It's not that I said them on impulse, but rather because I didn't think there was anything inappropriate about it, which I have informed my parents about. So now they understand that it's not impulse but rather an inability to understand what's rude and whats not.

I agree, but I'm 18 and I don't have any children. I started this thread just to see what others had to say

I naturally don't believe someone should be chastised for being rude unintentionally, but that it actually was unintentional is not always so easy to explain in real life.

I was in a situation that bothered me for YEARS, I didn't want to think about or analyze it since it gave me such a strong gut reaction of discomfort, but at some point I realized I had to find out WHY this situation bothered me so.

The situation was that I was out at a bar and a Scottish man (I'm Norwegian and this was in Norway) started talking with me. We had a good time, but then it got late and me and my friends were suddenly in a hurry to catch the last train home.

The Scottish guy asked if we could keep contact via email and that was fine, but I didn't have anything to write down my address, so I ran up to the bar to borrow a pen.

The bar was busy and my then friends were waiting impatiently at the door, so I unfortunately snapped my fingers to get the bartender's attention to ask for a pen...

One bartender came my over and gave me an earful I'll never forget, about how they weren't trained circus animals and how they weren't here to be at our beck and call...

I eventually got a pen and hastily scribbled down my email address, but the guy had this funny look on his face, like he couldn't believe what I just did, and I never ever heard from him again.

I just couldn't understand what literally made me cringe just thinking about this situation, but years later it hit me...

I felt so bad because I absolutely didn't mean to be rude!! I was floored by the bartender's reaction and didn't understand why she reacted that way..

I actually had to google it to know it's considered super rude to snap your fingers at a bartender!

When we (or one's children) are unintentionally rude, we should be scolded (though, of course not severely), because this is how we remember our mistake and are more likely to not make that mistake again. When we get only a metaphorical slap on the wrist, then we don't have that mental trigger that a "good talking to" tends to cause. The scold or the chastisement should never be more severe than the rude remark or action though!

Also, if we ignore rude behavior, we encourage our children (or may learn ourselves) that being an Aspergian can be used as an excuse to say or do whatever we like, even when we KNOW it's wrong.

I am diagnosed with both ADHD and Asperger's.

If someone is rude without realizing it and nobody ever corrects that behavior, that rude behavior will be overwhelmingly likely to continue.

You don't have to punish them though. You just have to inform them about what's rude and why, and how to do things differently.

Agreed.

But the revised question was about chastising them which doesn't necessarily mean punishment.

Let me mention, if you socially correct them, you actually gotta make sure they throughly understand it. Because if they dont, they'll end up making that mistake over again.

When i was a child i used to get in trouble for being "rude" although i didn't mean to be rude i was either bluntly stating facts yet didn't realize it was inappropriate.

As people grow and learn, they should know better.

So in the case of children i do think it should be explained to them.

However in the case of rude people it would have to depend on the individual and how well one knows them. If a friend, i would tell them so they learn. A stranger one can ignore.

A person who is constantly rude to others out of spite would just be asking for trouble.

I was born in '42 to an Army Air Corp officer. He was convinced all I needed was more discipline.