Special interest destroyed!

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http://www.cobar.org/index.cfm/ID/21062

That page lists numerous signs of abuse. "Destroying treasures" is at the bottom of the list of examples of emotional abuse. Would be worth seeing if any of the other signs resonate with you.

Physical violence lists "destroying property."

Kick her out. The b***h doesn't deserve you.

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 08 Feb 2013, 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I like what you say about a new start - In the event that I wanted to stay and continue the relationship, would it thus be reasonable of me to expect that she replaces the broken goods in a timely manner? WHen I asked her what the logic behind doing what she did she replied with the following message:

Last edited by thingsthatfly on 08 Feb 2013, 10:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I dont think you should go full out divorce just yet - but a record must be kept - hence use the feds.

She probably think "he loves his silly toys more than me" bla bla bla

NT women HATE coming second to your interests but tough! She overlooks the fact that your interest never caused you deliberate pain.

I dont think that excuse justifies crossing the lines that your wife did. Sounds like you two have been having relationship problems for a while. If this isn't the final straw in your struggling relationship, I'd hate to see how worse it could get.

Honestly I don't know if I can help much- but I think it's up to you to realistically decide the best course of action. Some people would immediately dump this girl, some would give it another chance. But you're the only one who really knows what's best for you. I think it might be best to look back on the relationship and see if she has had a history of doing drastic, hurtful things and then apologising immediately after. That is obvious manipulative, abusive behaviour. If she really is having trouble coping and you felt she really meant everything she typed there, or maybe has some sort of disorder affecting her actions- well, it's still up to you whether that's something you can tolerate. If you decide to continue this relationship then it's also up to you to come up with the best course of action- but IMO it wouldn't be a good idea at all to let this sit- as this relationship seems to be causing you and possibly her turmoil.

I hope it turns out for the best. c:

I highly doubt you have formed no opinions about the behavior of people based on your experiences with the people you met.

Nope, what I said may be unpopular but it is no less accurate, in my experience, than "people with grey hair are usually over the age of 40".

And to the OP, if it needs to be said, that's unforgivable behavior - not because of some idea of justice or punishment, but because this is clearly not a person you can trust.

If you consider "timely" as meaing "never", then yeah...you can reasonably expect that.

Tell me again...which one of you was having the meltdown? She appears to have melted MUCH further down than you did. If she wanted to bust up someone's $#!+ when she couldn't "cope", why didn't she break her own stuff? Because she was deliberately trying to hurt you. I did that once to a possession of my brother's, but I was only about 10 at the time. She's an adult and should know better.

Is this the first time something like this has happened? If not, then the other posters are right -- you're in an abusive relationship. Do you ever catch yourself saying "She's actually really nice when she's not throwing fits," or "I'm sure she loves me. It just doesn't look like it at times?" Then you need to get out because it will only get worse. Once things get to this point, the next step is physical abuse. And don't think that only women get abused. Men get beat on just like women do, only men won't own up to it because they don't want other men to think they're sissies.

Last edited by Webalina on 08 Feb 2013, 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I never claimed otherwise. However, what I do not do is assume that any given person is representative of any particular demographic that person may belong to. If an NT woman annoys me, this does not lead to me making the erroneous assumption that all NT women are annoying. Even if several NT women annoy me (and several have - but so have many NT men as well as many neuroatypical men and women), that doesn't mean that NT women as a category must therefore be "annoying."



This is called confirmation bias. Odds are the ones who aren't horrible were never noted by you or perceived as horrible anyway because they're NT women, and the ones who are horrible were noted as horrible because of their gender, even though such a connection makes no logical sense.

And what you said is not necessarily unpopular, but that's because in modern culture it's acceptable to trash women because misogyny is not particularly seen as bad, from men or women, regardless of neurology.

^
Has a really good point. I said earlier that it's up to you to decide- and it is- but make sure to look out very carefully for the signs and try to at least be a bit cautious? Because that is abusive behaviour and it can quickly escalate. Like I said before, too, think about whether she's done this before- because if she really regrets it as much as she says she'd be trying damn hard to change. I hadn't said it outright but I think that if you want to continue the relationship she definitely needs psychological help, at the least.

Last edited by TGH on 08 Feb 2013, 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nonsense. If this fellow gets divorced see what happens to the kids and assets.

Thats not really confirmation bias. Most people with grey hair are usually over 40. Confirmation bias occurs when you use bias to confirm something that is not true just because you believe it.

If you can, divorce her because she could get uncontrollable again. And make sure that you don't suffer in any way from the divorce. What she did cannot be justified in any way. She couldn't have done it if she truly loved and cared about you. When something like that happens, it means the relationship (as well as the model planes) is irreparable. It's unhealthy to stay in such a relationship.

Make sure that she will pay for replacing all the models as well.

I'm very sorry that your wife did that to you. She had no right to destroy things that meant a lot to you. Rather than trying to get divorced right away, as some of the other posters have suggested, I suggest that you try to work things out with her first. Tell her how it made you feel when you watched her destroy your things. Tell her that she needs to help you replace what she broke if she really loves you and wants to make this work. Ask her exactly what needs of hers are not being met so that she doesn't resort to this type of destructive behavior again.

I hope you found my advice to be of some help. Best of luck to both of you.

Ok guys and girls - I am the destructive, abusive wife you are all refering to.

First of all let me say that I TOTALLY agree with you all in saying what I did was disgusting and hurtful. I too though am a human being and although wired very differently to Aspies can also only handle so much.

Our relationship had been in turmoil for many years almost the entire time we have been together. I suffered sexual abuse as a child/teenager as well as physical and sexual in my first marriage. This is by no means an excuse for anything. It happened and I have been to many psycs who have labeled me with many things pretty much every mental health disorder there is. Thus I have been on loads of medications and no one could figure out why none of it actually helped. Final Dx was PTSD which was a result of the constant abuse.

There were times of the month that I would loose my temper over the slightes thing and in finding an amazing south african doctor a little over a year now found that I had a MAJOR hormonal imbalance PMDD - which at the wrong time of the month caused me to behave in no other way to describe it as ROID RAGE.

So with that and my husbands undiagnosed Aspergers our life has been full of turmoil. My husband has cheated on me a few times during this time because as he puts it I was treating him like crap. During the years he has also taken off many times and emptied the family bank account leaving the kids and I with no money or car in some instances.

Recently he worked away for 5 months and in that time I was left to take care of both our children and be financially responsable for the kids and I. I managed ok as it was tough as I am only casual and because of child care could only work school hours. My husband had no bills to pay in that time as his accommodation and food was all supplied as a part of the job.

I rensented him for not helping support his family but it was something he needed to do in order to prove to himself he could look after himself. In the time he was away I became a lot stronger as ihad to deal with everything myself. not sure if that was a good or bad thing.

Since returning home in November He has progressivly got worse. We are still on my casual wage and it is very tough but just managing. He still has no access to my bank account because 2 weeks ago I trusted him to do the right thing and transfered ALL the money we had into the joint account. He then proceeded to spend it then took off fishing ( i did tell him to leave the house until he had calmed down) He drove 6 hours to go fishing - depleted the bank account and sold his guitar. ( rational behaviour?)

Most times he takes off he sells someting - recently it was MY amp for my drum kit. While he was claiming to try and leave the house last night to go cool off he forgot to mention that he was also packing up all his things........ the KIDS computer included.
If he wants to take his things and sell them then fin but I dont understand why he would take from his kids. It really hurt and upset me.

The past month has been the most difficult to come to terms with - The man I thought I married tells me he was just pretending all these years to be NT - So in a way I feel lied to. I feel like I have lost something I thought I had. It is very hard to exlain - sort of like grieving. He has pointed out to me many times in the past few weeks that he has been dealing with NT all his life - but you know what I have not and have no idea how to deal with Aspies.

I have gone to the library borroewwed every book i can - joined numerous support groups - trolled the internet for info.

No I dont fully understand how his mind works but I am willing to try but it is not going to happen instantly. And when I am met with so much anger recently it makes it very difficult.

When I get messages like this - play it your way jodie. u think the last few weeks hav been difficult? well i am gunna start acting up now.
and just remember one thing... im emotionally very strong (on the account of not really having any) so i have on hell of an advantage already


What I did was totally inexcusable and in no way am i trying to justify it. As for replacing them I have no problem with that at all BUT logically there is no way we can afford it JUST yet......... Me I have put it in this order - rent, car payment, food, electric bill as it is already over due and we will have no electricty. I understand the importance of the planes but also need to point out he can not fly them as yet as we can not afford the membership to the club where he is allowed to fly them.

So to me LOGICALLY it comes down to money in verses money to cover cost of living. On only MY wage it already makes things very tight.

So if he must leave me because I am abusive then so be it. I love him with all my heart and he has told me an AS/NT relationship can be amazing and I have sked for him to show me but It is still very unclear toy me.

I am trying all I know how to do but I also need to remember I am only human and cannot do everything.

You can't just go around destroying people's property. I could not just forgive this ever. Yes there is important stuff like bills and food. But unless you are happy you get depressed.

So what is he gonna do now when everything is ruined. That was a very stupid and counter productive move.

I pride myself in being a calm person but if someone say destroyed my pc, there would be broken bones in that story.

Thingsthatcanfly.

Can't you salvage any of it to some extend. How much would it cost to fix some any or all of it.

Without getting into too much technicality - sadly no - there is major structural damage. It would cost more to repair than to replace - as is often the case with items that are pre factory built. The electrical components are salvageable as are the motors and servos. Even if I could make some repairs, with damage this extensive, they are precision crafted machines and even a weigh difference of a gram across the wings could spell aerodynamic disaster... there is twisting, leading edge damage, the mounts for the wing onto the airframe are completely demolished.... so replacement would be about $400 (I dont cry - but i came close to it as i was cutting back covering to survey the extent of the damage...) - so I'm not saying it has to be done all at once but I felt sacrifices needed to be made to rectify it. (Also to clarify a few more issues - electricity bill isn't even due yet so we are months from being 'cut off').... Jeez - is nothing sacred any more.