Have You Ever Become Tired of Trying With Aspergers?

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My husband is very autistic and very much keeps to himself, so we live together well. Other than that, I have completely lost the motivation for maintaining any social connections and realized I am happiest this way.

I do, however, need regular professional support to stay sane in an illogical world. I find it extremely exhausting to be around NTs at school/work who do not communicate directly and openly and have weird social rules. Seeing a professional on my own time and asking about what is happening and my interpretations of these situations, therefore, is a social contact I require. It is also fine because it is routine and does not necessitate responding to random calls/texts. I also do not mind interacting with people on the spectrum who do not pester me on my own time, although lately, I have not even had a chance to do that. Otherwise, I need extreme structure in my own life.

I am definitely having issues with constant fatigue despite impeccable health and it is very frustrating.

I already had a taste of popularity -- Found it's perks and upsides, but I don't like it. I hate maintaining it and I dislike people knowing me out of the blue even if I had little or no effort except for being myself.

As a child, I never had a crush. Let alone seek for a partner or thinking of marriage. I could care less about people telling me things, whatever they're assuming, or trying to pressure me just because. I have a choice and this is mine, not theirs.
And I ever fall in love, I will let go. No looking back, and no regrets. Not because I couldn't, simply because I don't.

Already got a taste of being wanted and needed -- Sure I get a LOT of attention and attract people when they rely on you... Except I don't like it. I want to keep things to myself, so I like my secrets.

And I already have been stuffed with love and respect... Either conditionally or unconditionally. But in the end, I don't feel it -- while I appreciate it, I can't seem to... Be 'in' it. Never felt like I'm a part of it even I'm aware of what others had done for me or if people begs to differ.
I had always feel that this kind of contentment it will never lasts, and I don't want to be involved with them nor them involved with me. I couldn't get attached. If I had, I'm always ready to let go.


I didn't gave up just because it's hard, 'unattainable', or being constantly rejected throughout my life. I gave up on it because it doesn't appeal me. I got the positives and aware of it, but not worth keeping for and I'm rather disappointed at some of those perks.
I'm happier and more content of being alone with myself with no one to worry about and no one to worry about me.

I'm even happier of witnessing good things that happens to others than being a part of it. So... It's not "giving up". And I know what I want.

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