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Skilpadde
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18 Feb 2013, 4:36 am

bumble wrote:
What's your reaction to conflict...
Or arguments with people.

It depends on what kind of argument, but I have little patience with people and I have a flash temper, so I easily get angry amd confrontational and aggressive (not physically) when arguing.

bumble wrote:
Can or do you just walk away and withdraw

I can sometimes but am likely to feel worse for it. Like I lost. But if I think the whole ordeal is just idiotic, then I'm able to.
I have experienced being held back though, so there are those who won't accept a retreat (although she was both crazy and drunk)

bumble wrote:
Do you feel a need to keep pursuing the matter in order to try and resolve it

No, resolving it is really far from my mind when I'm in conflict with someone. Yelling at each other, blowing off steam, not able to let go.

bumble wrote:
How do you respond if more than one person is arguing with you at a time?

Complete and utter disaster. Getting completely confused. It happened once in high school, and I ended up in an at least 4 ways arguing and I got ticked off, overwhelmed and saw red, yelling a lot and losing my temper (I wasn't the only one though).


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jk1
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18 Feb 2013, 4:52 am

I can't handle conflicts.

Even when there is no conflict, I'm very nervous just talking with or being around people and my body and voice often become very shaky for no reason. So if I'm in a conflict, it's far worse and I can't even say what I want to say because if I try to say anything, my voice will be trembling badly. That way I am often made to sound wrong even when I am righ. I'm always the loser of a conflict. It's not fair and it's very frustrating. I have to learn how to defend myself.



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18 Feb 2013, 11:45 am

I hate conflict and try to avoid getting involved as much as possible, or just pretend to agree with the other person to end it quickly. Even when I see others in conflict/arguments I often see it as unnecessary and will occasionally try to break it up.


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kamiyu910
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18 Feb 2013, 12:05 pm

If it's more of a discussion argument, I'm usually ok, although I might get flustered. But if it's an attacking conflict, I feel like I must continue to defend the person being attacked (myself or someone else). However that is very difficult for me because I get very upset, start shaking, blood rushes to my head and I get dizzy and confused, and it's like there's an electrical current running through my mouth, and it really really hurts. Unfortunately I seem to have this inability to leave because the other person just doesn't get it and I have to make sure they understand. The way I have "fixed" that problem is by avoiding people or not engaging in conversation with certain people about certain topics. (such as trying to explain to my aunt that guns are not autonomous)


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18 Feb 2013, 2:09 pm

I avoid conflict as much as possible. When people try to start arguments with me I don't bite.


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18 Feb 2013, 3:52 pm

bumble wrote:
Or arguments with people.

Can or do you just walk away and withdraw
Do you feel a need to keep pursuing the matter in order to try and resolve it
How do you respond if more than one person is arguing with you at a time?

And so on...


I hate confrontation. I will never seek confrontation or argument, but I will stand up for myself as much as I can if someone confronts me. However, it leaves me very shaken and upset, and I can't stop thinking about it for a long time afterwards. The more people there are confronting me the more upset I would feel. I would not persist in an argument if it clearly wouldn't lead anywhere, I would get away asap. Sometimes though there are situations (such as if it happened at work) where you can't leave the situation. The only thing I would pursue to the bitter end is a written complaint where I had to argue my point to get satisfaction, but that is based on justice, not pig-headedness.


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nessa238
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18 Feb 2013, 6:37 pm

alleng wrote:
Crush them. Strike them where it hurts. I am talking about NTs here. They are falsely confident. You can be smart and see their weaknesses. Insult them where it counts.

I spent my whole childhood being run down by the NT idiots. They are appalling, disgusting creatures. Now I never let something drop until I have won and they are mentally crushed. It is important to stay calm when doing it. An Aspie who learns this will be a master, considering the weak minds of most NT people. AG


I'm of this frame of mind too

I can't remain calm though so it's often easier to not react otherwise I might end up in the criminal justice system!

I'll agree their confidence is often a very thin veneer that vanishes if you respond aggressively or unexpectedly - they can positively crumble before your eyes and it's all premised on them having previously considered you such an easy target. I feel a mixture of pity and utter contempt for them when that happens but that's the danger moment as I will also feel like beating them to a pulp and have to keep telling myself to resist it! So far I've managed it so yay me! :D

I totally identify with the desire to crush them utterly though - the bullying type f-king deserve it and it's the only way that type will learn to back off!



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18 Feb 2013, 7:12 pm

RawSugar wrote:
but it's interesting when she comes out to protect me... it's like someone that isn't even me takes over.


Let George do it. I am a multiple and sometimes I have little recollection of details when George handles the conflict. Sometimes I come to realization in an institution. Not recently though.

I can see most conflicts coming ahead of time, survival trait, without it I would have lived my life isolated.

So short answer is: I avoid conflict of any kind with every ounce of my being.


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18 Feb 2013, 8:13 pm

I try to avoid it, if I can, I physically remove myself. In extreme cases, I shut down (but Meltdowns may have already occured, unfortunately). By Luck or the Grace of God, I have not ended up in prison.

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19 Feb 2013, 8:33 am

I usually have a lot of conflicts with people daily, because I'm a very opinionated person.
I usually win conflicts because people end up getting mad and yelling at me "it's impossible talking to you, I surrender" when they argue with me.



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19 Feb 2013, 9:17 am

I avoid them at all costs. If I can't, my brain just shuts down.


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whirlingmind
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19 Feb 2013, 7:59 pm

nessa238 wrote:
alleng wrote:
Crush them. Strike them where it hurts. I am talking about NTs here. They are falsely confident. You can be smart and see their weaknesses. Insult them where it counts.

I spent my whole childhood being run down by the NT idiots. They are appalling, disgusting creatures. Now I never let something drop until I have won and they are mentally crushed. It is important to stay calm when doing it. An Aspie who learns this will be a master, considering the weak minds of most NT people. AG


I'm of this frame of mind too

I can't remain calm though so it's often easier to not react otherwise I might end up in the criminal justice system!

I'll agree their confidence is often a very thin veneer that vanishes if you respond aggressively or unexpectedly - they can positively crumble before your eyes and it's all premised on them having previously considered you such an easy target. I feel a mixture of pity and utter contempt for them when that happens but that's the danger moment as I will also feel like beating them to a pulp and have to keep telling myself to resist it! So far I've managed it so yay me! :D

I totally identify with the desire to crush them utterly though - the bullying type f-king deserve it and it's the only way that type will learn to back off!


There are too many violent people out there. It's fine if it's just words, but so often we are not on a level playing field. You just don't know which ones will physically attack you - because they are morons who are too unintelligent to be verbally clever, so they use their fists. Those are the types that don't like it that you can beat them with words so they resort to low level tactics to ensure they degrade you somehow. So unless you don't mind physically fighting and are good at it, it's not worth the risk.


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19 Feb 2013, 8:05 pm

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nessa238
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20 Feb 2013, 5:23 am

whirlingmind wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
alleng wrote:
Crush them. Strike them where it hurts. I am talking about NTs here. They are falsely confident. You can be smart and see their weaknesses. Insult them where it counts.

I spent my whole childhood being run down by the NT idiots. They are appalling, disgusting creatures. Now I never let something drop until I have won and they are mentally crushed. It is important to stay calm when doing it. An Aspie who learns this will be a master, considering the weak minds of most NT people. AG


I'm of this frame of mind too

I can't remain calm though so it's often easier to not react otherwise I might end up in the criminal justice system!

I'll agree their confidence is often a very thin veneer that vanishes if you respond aggressively or unexpectedly - they can positively crumble before your eyes and it's all premised on them having previously considered you such an easy target. I feel a mixture of pity and utter contempt for them when that happens but that's the danger moment as I will also feel like beating them to a pulp and have to keep telling myself to resist it! So far I've managed it so yay me! :D

I totally identify with the desire to crush them utterly though - the bullying type f-king deserve it and it's the only way that type will learn to back off!


There are too many violent people out there. It's fine if it's just words, but so often we are not on a level playing field. You just don't know which ones will physically attack you - because they are morons who are too unintelligent to be verbally clever, so they use their fists. Those are the types that don't like it that you can beat them with words so they resort to low level tactics to ensure they degrade you somehow. So unless you don't mind physically fighting and are good at it, it's not worth the risk.


I know, that's why I said I usually manage to restrain myself

And I'm officially IN the category of the moron myself anyway as I have attacked a person once and got in trouble with police for it too. I was very drunk though (argument seems to be used by NTs often enough!) But I didn't lose all memory of the event - another NT trick. Actually I've done it twice but 2nd was only a slight jab in the neck with a cardboard nail file but the ex bf who wouldn't move out my house after being asked numerous times phoned the police and said 'My gf has just stabbed me in the neck' so police acted accordingly! I also threatened the head of the 'Healthy Minds' Service over phone that if I didn't get the help I needed and got worse, I wouldn't be committing suicide (in reference to a person with Aspergers who had done so in my town after being denied a service from MH team), I'd be coming round to his office with a sharp knife so he'd better start hiding!'
He sent police round to me for that and I had to send him an apology email. My question would be that surely this was a clear sign that a person's mental health wasn't in a very good state, so the calling police on them isn't exactly solving the problem is it?!

I did receive a course of CBT therapy after this, after they'd done a threat risk assessment on me, whereby one of the women jsut sat and glared at me! I thought 'A-ha, perhaps this must be a test to see if I react to how obnoxious she's being' but it was probably just the standard 'you're f-king weird and possibly dangerous' attitude most MH service people have!
The way that woman looked at me make me want to prove her right!

So conflict, yes - had a fair bit of it! :D



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20 Feb 2013, 5:55 am

Depends on what you mean by conflict.

Silly emotional stuff? I ignore it for the most part.

Everything else is walk away unless it's to defend someone who can't defend themselves and they didn't provoke anything. I don't know why I would though, as no one has ever defended me; guess I'm funny like that.



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20 Feb 2013, 6:40 am

I'm at polar ends, depending on how I feel that day, who the person is, and how far they pushed me.

Because I was severely bullied for a large part of my life, I tend to either let people abuse me (emotionally), or I lash out when I see red.

I am visceral. :(