Aspies and being touched/feeling empathy.

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I have problems with DUMB people touching me and with emotionally connecting with dumb people.

The problem I have is I crave affection inc hugs , but once I get it I can't deal with it one bit . I guess it's because I didn't really get any as a kid . This has led to a lot of confusion in my life now that I am older . When you can't have something you want it desperately especially if you don't really know what it is.

I always wanted a family of my own, but once I got one (after the first few years) I started having a hard time having one . My wife has obvious autistic traits but more language problems and has this habit of wanting to be around me 24h a day . It was very hard to explain to her my need for solitude when she has little idea what the hell I am talking about 90% of the time . It took more that 19 years of being together before she finally understood that it saw not about me not wanting to be with her, but not wanting to be with anyone.

The thing that really gets me though is peoples need to hug you when you are down . This is the last thing I want when I am stressed or depressed , I would rather them just punch me in the face than give me hug, it can just make me worse unless it is really really tight to point my bones crack as the pressure feels good . This go's
the same for being touched .If someone lightly touches my arm I can't stand it ,but if they squeeze my arm with force I can take it no problem , unless it is unexpected and I don't see it coming then any amount of touch
can freak me the hell out .

My main sensory problem is with eyes though . It's like they work far too well , I see everything all the time ,My field of vision is so big I can almost see behind me . This can be a problem with me getting distracted and I notice people taking the piss a lot more than I would like .It can come in handy at limes though ,like when driving as I can watch the mirrors all the time and see dangers easier than most .Plus it helps that I can look some in the eyes when they are talking but actually be watching there mouth . A handy trick
They are also very very very sensitive to light . When at school they refused to let anyone wear sunglasses in class and this was a big problem for me as most of the time I could not see what was going on . It was hard to read as the strong lights would reflect of the paper . I tried to explain this to them but was shot down every time as the only reason they could see for wanting to wear sunglasses indoors was to look cool . Then when I would shield my eyes I was told
The other things with my eyes is sometimes things seem to undulate like a classic water mirage . In the dark and when I shut my eyes I get coloured static that takes on shapes even full landscapes and people ect. plus flashing lights and after sex if I shut my eyes I get swirling light pasterns as if I am looking through a collidascope ( sorry can't spell that) It can be very distracting and is one of my problems with getting to sleep.

I have the same thing with hearing , I hear everything . I ofter have problems with hearing what is being said to me if others are talking around me ( but no problems picking up what it being said about me from across a room) It all gets too much for me . I am thinking of creating an isolation room in my house so I can at least escape the constant outside noise .

Sorry . I think I got rather off topic with my post and started rambling on again . My apologies and I will try harder.

I am undiagnosed as well...

I don't mind hugs sometimes from people I trust, but I have never been a real 'touchy-feeley' person.

As for empathy....sometimes I struggle, sometimes I don't, just depends on the situation.

I forgot to mention my thing with empathy.

I have a strange relationship with feeling for others. If they are right here in front of me it's like I soak up peoples feelings to such an extent that I can't cope . I don't know what the hell to do for people though .The thing is people always used to come to me with all there problems . I think it's because I give the impression of a good listener, but the only reason that is , is because I don't know what to do but stand there . I don't really listen though I just stand there in a state of horror . All I want to do is tell them to F off . They would leave me saying " I feel much better now, Thanks for listening " leaving me in a right state and having no idea the effect they had.

If I see something on the news I am indifferent .I even find some dreadful things quite funny ,It's only later that I realise how truly bad an event it was and I get depressed for finding it so amusing .My sense of humour has always been totally off and I hate myself for it . The only jokes I find funny tend to be offensive and sick and hate it but can't seem to do anything about it . Just like at funerals , All I want to do is smile , as everyone is being so quiet for a change . I Hate myself a lot of the time I just can't help being the way I am I just feel twisted.

When the twin towers fell , All I could think about was the wast of such an incredible monument .Only later during the interviews with the masses of crying people did it even cross my mind about the huge loss of life. Even then I had a hard time caring about it. But knowing this made me upset
I was very interested in the Titanic for years ( until that film came out and spoilt it for me ) but the people that died never interested me one bit . I was only interested in the ship . I have more of an interest in Olimpic now as I think it had a much sadder fate

You can work on that, - making a filter in your mind, so you don´t suck in peoples feelings (Part of your remotess could be a coping strategy). Try talking to a good NLP therapist. They have some useful techniques for that.

The part of not being able to feel anything regarding the twin towers and Titanic, - well, Titanic is so far away in the past. It is fascinating to hear survivours telling the story and seing the footage, but .... Yes , Olympic was at least just as tragic.
Twin towers: I felt nothing, so I felt like a creep. My mother was devastated. She took in the full horror of it.

i'm very sensitive about being hugged or touched; whenever i go anywhere i try to find a single seat instead of a sofa or something where more than one person can sit together.

I'm very sensitive about being hugged or touched; whenever i go anywhere i try to find a single seat instead of a sofa or something where more than one person can sit together.