Disassociation (Depersonalization and Derealization)

Post Reply New Topic

I have this all the time and worse still if I'm stressed. I used it when I was living with my parents and getting bullied at school and now I can't seem to stop. It's bad but I don't know how to stop, I don't know what I'm feeling quite a lot of the time, or why. It's hard for relationships.

I didn't know what to call it, but yeah, I've been experiencing derealization for months. In past years I have had dissociation but been able to get re-grounded, but the present derealization persists.

On a couple of stressful occasions I even became lost while traveling familiar roads, and have had a visual hallucination. Dreadful. I definitely do not want any more of that.

Yup, i experience both of these things. Always did. Most of the time it feels like i'm dreaming, or that i'm drunk in a weird kind of way. That i and the world are just an illusion and everything is fake. It feels like i'm locked up in this little cube made out of glass, so i can see everything but i can't reach the rest of the world, or even my own body and mind. It's really weird, because i function on the 'automatic pilot', so i can do things like driving a car or having a conversation. Sometimes it feels like a robot is living my live. I'm there, but i'm not really. I can't concentrate, i can't think clearly. I'm just sucked up inside of me or something, far away from reality. But life is passing by. And i'm doing the things that i'm always doing, but it doesn't feel real and it doesn't feel like it's me.

I think i live 60% of my life this way. I never experienced it as a scary thing though. It's just part of my life. I used to think everybody experience this on a daily basis. Until i read about it, and found out there are actual words to describe this and they are psychiatric symptoms. For me it is very weird to think that most people don't know what this is and how it feels like. To me this is the most normal thing there is! I see it as a way of my body shuts down my mind, as a reaction for being overstimulated. Like a reflex or something. So i don't find it scary or anything. More like peaceful and calm, like you're an astronaut that is floating in space, all alone. Quite and peacefully. There is no sound, no odor, and no sense. Just me and my thoughts, which are very cloudy. Although it can be very frustrating sometimes, because it does not come in handy when i experience fun and joy in my life. But i just wait until it goes away, and i can think and experience life clearly again.