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Have You Always Been All Alone?

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theshawngorton
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31 Mar 2013, 10:12 am

MannyBoo wrote:
Even if I am with a lot of friends in a noisy room, I am alone.


TRUE STORY OF MY LIFE!



cybermaven
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31 Mar 2013, 10:14 am

I observe. I am outside of all interactions, even when I am participating! When people describe out of body or 'near death' experiences - that is the closest description that matches what I intellectualize as my 'feeling'. At my age (50) I have just adapted to it & have pretty much become comfortable with the idea of being alone.


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nessa238
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31 Mar 2013, 10:18 am

MannyBoo wrote:
Even if I am with a lot of friends in a noisy room, I am alone.


Yes, but you've got a lot of friends to be alone in a room with

that's not the experience of a lot of people with Asperger's Syndrome

I just wonder how the Asperger's Syndrome is manifesting itself in a person with loads of friends seeing as it's a social disability



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31 Mar 2013, 10:37 am

I have been alone for most of my life..the last friend i can remember was when i was about 10yrs old...as an adult i live alone and don't talk to anyone around me..i tend to avoid contact with people..often get stared at as i live in a complex where it's mostly old people due to me not coping with a lot of noise around.

Life can be very lonely i feel life is passing me by..and i wish i could have a life like everyone else..i sit at home all day at my comp trying to get on with a few courses at home hoping it might just get me into employment although i have never managed to stay in a job for more than a few wks due to me not being able to interact with people..also had some minor learning difficulties when i was young..not that much to offer anyone really!

Life up until now feels as though it has never started..would love all the normal things people take for granted.like a girlfriend a job and a feeling of happiness that i haven't felt since i was about five.
I understand what it's like to have AS...it has made my life a misery up until now i have no life...but still i watch the faces of happy people walking past and hope maybe just one day my life might change!...i can only live in hope.



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31 Mar 2013, 10:47 am

nessa238 wrote:
MannyBoo wrote:
Even if I am with a lot of friends in a noisy room, I am alone.


Yes, but you've got a lot of friends to be alone in a room with

that's not the experience of a lot of people with Asperger's Syndrome

I just wonder how the Asperger's Syndrome is manifesting itself in a person with loads of friends seeing as it's a social disability

And now I no longer have any of those friends, period :roll:



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31 Mar 2013, 11:20 am

nessa238 wrote:
MannyBoo wrote:
Even if I am with a lot of friends in a noisy room, I am alone.


Yes, but you've got a lot of friends to be alone in a room with

that's not the experience of a lot of people with Asperger's Syndrome

I just wonder how the Asperger's Syndrome is manifesting itself in a person with loads of friends seeing as it's a social disability



ex: aspie that loves collecting antiques : manages to interract with other collectors on a 1-1 basis - then stuck when happens to be in a room with a bunch of antique dealers when they are making small talk/socialising/bonding.....

ex: aspie that loves computers and studying IT : manages to make good connections with others in the field - can provide a great presentation and innovative ways of interacting with the crowd he or she is presenting to....... however wants to get away when it is time for drinks and nibbles after the presentation...even though the people in the room are not hostile, have had a good rapport with the aspie - the overwhelming problem is the context and number of people..

aspies can have friends even a number of them - but aren't usually that great in groups ..
hope this helps you understand the subject a bit better



nessa238
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31 Mar 2013, 11:26 am

shubunkin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
MannyBoo wrote:
Even if I am with a lot of friends in a noisy room, I am alone.


Yes, but you've got a lot of friends to be alone in a room with

that's not the experience of a lot of people with Asperger's Syndrome

I just wonder how the Asperger's Syndrome is manifesting itself in a person with loads of friends seeing as it's a social disability



ex: aspie that loves collecting antiques : manages to interract with other collectors on a 1-1 basis - then stuck when happens to be in a room with a bunch of antique dealers when they are making small talk/socialising/bonding.....

ex: aspie that loves computers and studying IT : manages to make good connections with others in the field - can provide a great presentation and innovative ways of interacting with the crowd he or she is presenting to....... however wants to get away when it is time for drinks and nibbles after the presentation...even though the people in the room are not hostile, have had a good rapport with the aspie - the overwhelming problem is the context and number of people..

aspies can have friends even a number of them - but aren't usually that great in groups ..
hope this helps you understand the subject a bit better


I understand the subject well and relate far better to those with no or few friends than those who are the life and soul of every party as some on here seem to be. I can categorically state that I will never be in a noisy room with 'a lot of friends' as I will never have 'a lot of friends'. I won't magically overcome my social interaction problems and people won't suddenly start seeing me as someone they want to socialise with.



Last edited by nessa238 on 31 Mar 2013, 11:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

nessa238
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31 Mar 2013, 11:27 am

MannyBoo wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
MannyBoo wrote:
Even if I am with a lot of friends in a noisy room, I am alone.


Yes, but you've got a lot of friends to be alone in a room with

that's not the experience of a lot of people with Asperger's Syndrome

I just wonder how the Asperger's Syndrome is manifesting itself in a person with loads of friends seeing as it's a social disability

And now I no longer have any of those friends, period :roll:


So you spoke about something as if it was your current experience but now you're saying it was a past experience?



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31 Mar 2013, 11:50 am

nessa238 wrote:
shubunkin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
MannyBoo wrote:
Even if I am with a lot of friends in a noisy room, I am alone.


Yes, but you've got a lot of friends to be alone in a room with

that's not the experience of a lot of people with Asperger's Syndrome

I just wonder how the Asperger's Syndrome is manifesting itself in a person with loads of friends seeing as it's a social disability



ex: aspie that loves collecting antiques : manages to interract with other collectors on a 1-1 basis - then stuck when happens to be in a room with a bunch of antique dealers when they are making small talk/socialising/bonding.....

ex: aspie that loves computers and studying IT : manages to make good connections with others in the field - can provide a great presentation and innovative ways of interacting with the crowd he or she is presenting to....... however wants to get away when it is time for drinks and nibbles after the presentation...even though the people in the room are not hostile, have had a good rapport with the aspie - the overwhelming problem is the context and number of people..

aspies can have friends even a number of them - but aren't usually that great in groups ..
hope this helps you understand the subject a bit better


I understand the subject well and relate far better to those with no or few friends than those who are the life and soul of every party as some on here seem to be. I can categorically state that I will never be in a noisy room with 'a lot of friends' as I will never have 'a lot of friends'. I won't magically overcome my social interaction problems and people won't suddenly start seeing me as someone they want to socialise with.


That's interesting - I haven't noticed anyone on any of the WP threads expressing how great their social life was . . .! !! !

I would have thought anyone regularly posting on this site has an unusual social life compared to the norm...

this isn't a bit of snark I'm detecting is it ?

:roll:



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31 Mar 2013, 11:54 am

shubunkin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
shubunkin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
MannyBoo wrote:
Even if I am with a lot of friends in a noisy room, I am alone.


Yes, but you've got a lot of friends to be alone in a room with

that's not the experience of a lot of people with Asperger's Syndrome

I just wonder how the Asperger's Syndrome is manifesting itself in a person with loads of friends seeing as it's a social disability



ex: aspie that loves collecting antiques : manages to interract with other collectors on a 1-1 basis - then stuck when happens to be in a room with a bunch of antique dealers when they are making small talk/socialising/bonding.....

ex: aspie that loves computers and studying IT : manages to make good connections with others in the field - can provide a great presentation and innovative ways of interacting with the crowd he or she is presenting to....... however wants to get away when it is time for drinks and nibbles after the presentation...even though the people in the room are not hostile, have had a good rapport with the aspie - the overwhelming problem is the context and number of people..

aspies can have friends even a number of them - but aren't usually that great in groups ..
hope this helps you understand the subject a bit better


I understand the subject well and relate far better to those with no or few friends than those who are the life and soul of every party as some on here seem to be. I can categorically state that I will never be in a noisy room with 'a lot of friends' as I will never have 'a lot of friends'. I won't magically overcome my social interaction problems and people won't suddenly start seeing me as someone they want to socialise with.


That's interesting - I haven't noticed anyone on any of the WP threads expressing how great their social life was . . .! !! !

I would have thought anyone regularly posting on this site has an unusual social life compared to the norm...

this isn't a bit of snark I'm detecting is it ?

:roll:


People are always talking about being out with their friends or at a party or talking to neighbours - they are generally a lot more social than I am

A common thread is:-

Oh I've got to have loads of family and friends over for Christmas and it's going to be really really hard for me to cope with due to my Aspergers

My experience of Aspergers is that relatives don't even want to talk to me let alone descend on my house for Christmas in such numbers. So for all these people to be coming over on a regular basis, these people with Aspergers must be putting on a sterling NT act is all I can say!



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31 Mar 2013, 12:19 pm

I sometimes think the same thing as what nessa238 is saying in above posts. Some people talking about how stressful it is to deal with their husbands' or wives' family etc makes me wonder how they successfully made those relationships. I think those kinds of posts are not that uncommon.



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31 Mar 2013, 12:41 pm

I think the point that both you and nessa are missing is that these people are struggling to maintain relationships, jobs, friends ... even though these things may be beyond some people on the spectrum, for those who do attempt or try to manage relationships or who have no other option or means of managing in life without engaging with others (often survival comes into it !) end up experiencing stress etc...

maybe I'm missing the point, maybe I'm taking things too literally but there are shades of colours inbetween having successful relationships and having no relationships --- !
and being on the spectrum means that - so some of us will have partners and jobs and family and friends that we struggle to deal with .. . . . .

I feel that there is an insinuation and equation that because people socialise - therefore they are not on the spectrum that is being made.

Yesterday the inference was - if you are aspie therapist its "the blind leading the blind" this is what I read yesterday - and when AS therapists wrote in to say - yes they are therapists and yes they are aspie - funny how noone challenged them as delusional or wasting their time or have they really got AS ...! !

- today its the inference that if you have friends, its unlikely that you are AS...
which is weird, because of all the empowering videos that Alex puts up about how to make friends, and have relationships, deal with work and study etc...and generally challenge the status quo about AS

just saying . rant over.



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31 Mar 2013, 2:25 pm

shubunkin wrote:
I think the point that both you and nessa are missing is that these people are struggling to maintain relationships, jobs, friends ... even though these things may be beyond some people on the spectrum, for those who do attempt or try to manage relationships or who have no other option or means of managing in life without engaging with others (often survival comes into it !) end up experiencing stress etc...

maybe I'm missing the point, maybe I'm taking things too literally but there are shades of colours inbetween having successful relationships and having no relationships --- !
and being on the spectrum means that - so some of us will have partners and jobs and family and friends that we struggle to deal with .. . . . .

I feel that there is an insinuation and equation that because people socialise - therefore they are not on the spectrum that is being made.

Yesterday the inference was - if you are aspie therapist its "the blind leading the blind" this is what I read yesterday - and when AS therapists wrote in to say - yes they are therapists and yes they are aspie - funny how noone challenged them as delusional or wasting their time or have they really got AS ...! !

- today its the inference that if you have friends, its unlikely that you are AS...
which is weird, because of all the empowering videos that Alex puts up about how to make friends, and have relationships, deal with work and study etc...and generally challenge the status quo about AS

just saying . rant over.


If a person is leading a functional life with a job and friends and partner though, to what extent are they actually disabled?

Also one person said they were a therapist, only one. Plus she said she didn't disclose her Aspergers.

I just feel the focus is often too much on the people with the family/partner/job/collection of friends/extensive community links, as if these people are the norm of Asperger's Syndrome when I don't think they are. They are extremely high functioning Aspergers shading into NT basically and when they talk of all their achievements it puts a lot of pressure on those who have no hope of emulating them as they do not have the same neurology. We aren't playing on an even playing field in other words.



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31 Mar 2013, 3:43 pm

I feel alone most of the time and feel like I will be alone the rest of my life.


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cybermaven
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31 Mar 2013, 4:10 pm

I observe. I am outside of all interactions, even when I am participating! When people describe out of body or 'near death' experiences - that is the closest description that matches what I intellectualize as my 'feeling'. At my age (50) I have just adapted to it & have pretty much become comfortable with the idea of being alone.


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31 Mar 2013, 5:52 pm

Yeah, always alone, at 18 months I was given to my Grandparents, though they were nice, one died when I was 3, I was put in Children's home at 5 which was a lot more sociable than being kept alone in my room in the intervening years.

I somehow knew it would be my fate to always be alone, though I hoped it would never happen, now Iam 54 I know that it will never be otherwise, Ive lived totally alone since I came out of the Navy in 79,