can you "act normal"?

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Well, when I was under 11, I think I could pass it off as just being a bit strange, and people were generally nicer, as well as not really noticing I don't think, since you don't really tend to analyse under that age. The problem of acting normal got worse over 11. People started maturing into friendships very fast, and thing is, I didn't really have any proper friends.. just people I'd hang around and try to join conversation with. But as they developed social skills with one another, I just wasn't learning fast enough, so annoyed everyone with them being impatient about me not getting jokes, and then I was left with no friends. You can't really pass as "normal" with no friends.

I wouldn't even know how to act normal to begin with.

Maybe for a minute or two. I've learned to recognize the moment when they realize I'm not. There's this wide-eyed, shocked, freak-show look they give me a few minutes into the conversation. What I have never been able to do, though, is predict what will trigger it.

Online I can manage just fine indefinitely unless I'm really under stress.

I've been forced to act normal my entire life, especially not having a diagnosis. So, for the most part I come across as a really quiet NT who has some social anxiety issues (or at least that's how I think I probably come across) for short durations of time. When someone spends an extended period of time around me, though, they can definitely tell that something is a little bit off.

Lately I've been too stressed out to even try to maintain the NT act, so the people I'm around on a day-to-day basis probably think I've gone insane.

No, and I have developed the view point that pretending to be something I am not and/or believing that I'm a worthless freak because my brain works abnormally is unhealthy so I try not to do that anymore.

I remember I used to try quite hard to act normal or 'quit being weird' just so the other kids and some teachers would quit picking on me...but for one i don't nessisarily know what i am doing that is abnormal a lot of times its little things I have little to no awareness of or its just they way I come off even if i am relaxed.

I "act normal" for me every day! It just doesn't always match up with other peoples' "normal."

Here's the truth as I see it...the most interesting people out there are not viewed as being "normal." Wholly "normal" people are often seen as boring. So I don't think it is necessary to always "act normal."

I do find it helpful that I can usually figure out what I am supposed to be doing and do it. The problem is that if I have to do it for long periods of time, I get burnt out. Then I either just want to sleep or my more nasty personality traits get harder to suppress. I had a stressful week the other week, and by the end of it, I did not like the way I was treating my son. I was much more intolerant. Faking social skills without rest periods left me with less ability to check myself, I guess. Luckily my son is generally even more easy going than I am about things.

Not really.

I'm trying something new now, which is to just relax and let go. And to not make "acting normal" the point, but rather, just engaging with NTs and just consenting to be sociable.

It's a subtle difference, but it allows me to stop trying to force anything, which helps. I tell myself that if I happen to act a little Aspie-ish, that's fine and I should forgive myself for it. Enough people know now that they generally understand and don't give me any trouble about it. I've been a kindly and sociable Aspie to begin with too, so this all came together pretty easily for me.

I used to think I could just make myself act normal, and I have a whole toolkit of behaviors that I "feel like" are normal when I'm using them.

But I've started to see ASD as something which also filters and distorts my own perception of myself and the social world around me, and that has opened up a whole new set of realizations for me. I used to think I was perceiving myself and the world correctly, and just felt uncomfortable with both; but it goes deeper than that, and I don't think that's true anymore. I think Asperger's actually hides the true nature of the problem from my conscious mind, and I can't tell exactly what's really happening when my only perspective is from the inside looking out. So maybe I never know what my Aspie moments really are in real-time, only in hindsight.

I'm a mild Aspie, but lately I've also been figuring out that I feel a lot more normal on the inside than I probably seem on the outside. I hear my own voice, and I feel my own movements, and I reflect my own thoughts, and to me they all feel "robust" and well-formed. I feel like someone who is capable of speaking and interacting smoothly, and has confidence and charisma. But that's not what comes out. I feel like I'm a normal person who has interesting things to say and just gets anxious sometimes, but when I watch or listen to a recording of myself, suddenly I think, "wow, this person is obviously a little different..."

For many years I believed that I could. However, there is much evidence to suggest that that was never the case. My belief was incorrect.

I can act normal for a bit. I think I'm an excellent mimic and I picked up a lot of habits from my ex. When I need to, I can act like her. She's an eccentric NT and combined with my old quirks, make me look like an odd NT. I don't know if anyone has guessed but no one has asked me if I'm autistic. Maybe that's just rude if you don't know the person.
Longterm - not a chance. My extended family just think I'm odd and everyone I went to school or college thought I was weird. I don't have the energy to pretend to be NT for an extended period of time. Nor am I really interested in doing it.

Im fortunate in that I can mimic some NT behaviour because i've either learnt to do it from an upbringing of a female, who are typically taught more obviously social things.
Or by mimicking cartoon characters I like or using phrases or sayings from friends or people I've seen.
I also don't keep it up all the time, but it seems to work in a way that i'm usually considered the eccentric one, so people just go 'Oh that's just qwan!'

So I guess I can get away with a lot of it.

I don't know how much of my behaviour is As or NT as I can't categorise it like that, and don't really care to tbh. I'm just me, and if people would rather a more aspie or more NT persont hey can go off and find one like that thats as awesome as me. Good luck to them XD


I went a bit off topic.
I think I have more things that are shocking or confusing or something to people than my aspergers, the aspergers is more internal for me. My sensory imput for one, or the fact I can communicate fine with people but am highly aware I'm only understanding about 30% of what theyre conveying to me, which causes a lot of confusing for me... this sort of thing isn't apparent to others.
So maybe I dont need to act much.

I have to pull facial expressions more than I'd like to, and refrain from repeating noises I like, or doing hand flapping and rocking often. But lately I'm just doing it every now and then as I feel better for it. ^_^

Not really, but I don't try, either. I know that sometimes, when I am really engaged in something and am having a conversation with people about it, I am much more expressive and emotional than I normally am. I also feel really normal around other people on the spectrum, and it's a very addicting feeling.

I'm a good mimic for the most part. There are certainly a few things about me that someone may see as "odd". (Then they get to know me... ) But since I've started in retail (hell on earth, but hey...it pays the bills) I've gotten better at it, and can pass for normal in most social situations.

I can pass as a ''funny nt'' or a ''weird nt'' if that counts.

I have never been able to successfully pull it off as an NT among younger people; especially teens when I was that age, nor now either. For some reason, I was always able to socialize with older adults, and I was told by many that I came across as "older than my age", or "just overly polite". I guess those are compliments, but at the time, I wished I could have been received as a peer among my peers. Never happened.

At my age now (mid 40s), I fit in fine in most situations, and have worked hard to try to become sensitive to things like understanding when it's OK and not OK to enter a conversation at the table, etc. I'm far from perfect, but I don't feel like an outcast when I'm with other 40+ aged people. But if I'm in a place with a lot of kids and teens, I feel like a fish out of water, and it's not the age gap.

Charles