is it rude to have no interest in people?

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Who_Am_I
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20 Apr 2013, 7:52 pm

It's rude to display no interest.
If you don't want to be thought of as rude, learn the art of smiling and nodding and reflecting questions back at people. (Example: They ask "How was your weekend", you answer "Fine, thanks. How was yours?")


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MathGirl
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20 Apr 2013, 9:46 pm

My interest is not in the superficial things people ask each other or intimate details of their lives, but in the way they think when they reflect upon deep knowledge/interests/information. I really enjoy collecting people's perspectives on my special interest or on other psychology stuff.


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20 Apr 2013, 10:24 pm

Jinks wrote:
Here's something you can try which might help (this is what I did at my workplace). For all the people you interact with often, try to remember one single thing about them. Say they have a dog called Charlie that they are very fond of. When you talk to them or greet them, you say "So how's Charlie?". Or say they are planning a holiday in Spain. When you talk to them you say, "So when are you off to Spain? Are you looking forward to it?" or (when they come back) "How was your holiday?". You will probably notice that NTs ask questions like this all the time. These questions make other people feel good because you are placing importance on their experiences and the fact that you remembered these things about them makes them feel that you care about them (even if you don't!). At the same time, they will instinctively understand that you are asking just to be nice and (unless they are also autistic!) will usually respond with just a sentence or two unless invited to talk more about the subject, so you don't have to sit through long discussions about things you aren't interested in.
I hate that so much. Every person who does that tends to ask me the exact same questions. They either ask me things like "Are you planning anything for the weekend?/What did you do this weekend?" and if I said that most human interaction is exhausting so I sat at home reading web pages and searching for information about a topic of interest, I know that's something they don't want to hear, or they ask me things like "How's <insert subject of interest here>?" And I'm thinking first that they really don't care and are asking that to be polite, and second that the question is really overly broad, and there are a lot of particular aspects of that subject that I could discuss if they really did want to know, but I don't know which aspect will annoy them the least and get this conversation over quickly, and-

"Good."

As for remembering things about other people, I remember most things that they tell me about themselves. Five minutes after having a conversation, I may not remember that a conversation even took place, but a month later, they can say something related and suddenly I remember the entire conversation, where we were standing, what time it was, et cetera. But usually it's about a subject I have no interest in. It feels so phony to ask a question about someone's children or about someone's hobby when I don't care.



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20 Apr 2013, 11:42 pm

chlov wrote:
May it be rude or not, it's something I can't help.
There are very few people I like and enjoy being with.
Exept those people, I am not interested in anyone else.
Most people are just plain boring to me. I can't help it.
I can't fake to like people when I actually don't.
People may consider this rude, but I don't care.
I'm not doing it because I feel superior, or because I hate people. I just think that most people are boring, exept the few ones I like, who are quite interesting persons and whose interests are similar to mine.

Exactly point by point the same for me. I have nothing more to add.

chlov wrote:
When I was in middle school my classmates didn't like me because I wasn't interested in them and I didn't even notice them

Also like me, I tend to not notice people at all (unless they're noisy and annoying).

It's nothing rude about not being interested. You wouldn't push yourself on a love interest who didn't fancy you, and you shouldn't push yourself in any other way on neighbors, colleagues or other acquaintances either. People are allowed to not be interested. NTs just have to learn that they're not the center of the universe and that people rejecting them have the right to do so. If they're too emotionally immature to accept that, they might need help.
It might be rude to not help a colleague who need help (if you're able to help them with it, that is), but no one can be expected to listen to them go on about their personal life.


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21 Apr 2013, 12:49 am

I don't think it is rude to feel that way, no. That's just how you feel.

Within social settings there are social 'rules' and unfortunately everyone is expected to give in to those rules at least to some extent.

You can try saying something like "I don't mean to be rude but, it is important I concentrate on this right now."

They shouldn't come up to your desk to begin with in my opinion but some people are just extremely chatty.