Very little desire to socialise.

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I had very little desire to socialize when younger and was not that good at socializing in a "for NTs appropiate way" either. But now I have learned how and have even less desire to socialize, or use those skills. I guess if they bothered to ask some autistics the myth that we all are this way as adults because we don't understand might get dispelled.
I do have a desire to talk about interesting things. Now that circumstances have made it so that I don't get my full "talking about interesting things" quota, I turn up at places like this and talk at people.
But the hierarchical and emotional benefits of socializing hold no interest for me.

Last edited by Anomiel on 16 May 2013, 8:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've never wanted to socialize, I'ts just a par of who I am really. I've been assured that this is a completely normal thing in despite of my Aspergers diagnosis. It isn't a disorder if there's no grief of any kind. I also have imaginary sentient friends and have disorganized audial hallucinations when under stress. It's not anything more than sensory issues and Aspergers in my case.

I discovered that I really don't like having many friends and acquaintances (irl) and it was bad for my health as they didn't leave me alone enough to pursue my interests or recharge. That same situation has happened over and over until I understood that. I guess they could have been a really bad fit, too, and that I wouldn't have those problems with other introverts. But I only need 1 very close friend. I guess that might be the case for many that think they need to be popular, they just don't have that 1 person yet and they have the peer-pressure weighing on them that they should need that.
MrStewart, You and your siblings might not have that much in common, or they might not want to socialize in the same way you do. You would get better result with someone more compatible to your personal style of communication.
DISCLAIMER:
Of course there are extrovert aspies, and introvert aspies that like to socialize and it's a personality thing etc etc etc etc etc I get that! No one has to scream at me! But the kind of lifestyle we are supposed to want, would that really be good for aspies in general if we did get it..?

Last edited by Anomiel on 16 May 2013, 8:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I'm kind of caught between wanting friends and not really wanting to socialize, or at least not going out of my way to socialize. I also want to be alone a lot of the time just because I like doing a lot of things on my own. Not really knowing how to socialize does play into it quite a bit, so right now I don't really have much in the way of friends: I mostly have a few Internet friends and a number of acquaintances, or people that I know but don't really consider to be 'friends' per se.

Granted, I almost never approach people unless I'm asking for directions or something of that nature, but it seems like no one approaches me either. I don't really get it.

The Gillberg and Gillberg AS criteria include "lack of desire to socialise".
I'm one of those with AS who has very little desire to socialise. It's just not fun or interesting for me.
I looked up social anhedonia on Wikipedia, and just about all of their listed symptoms fit me. The ones that don't are that my mood isn't typically depressed, I don't know what they mean by "state-related anxiety", and I don't consider the quality of my relationships to be decreased; I like them just fine as they are. From a normal person's perspective they probably would be, but normal people aren't me and so they don't get to decide how good my friendships are.

Thanks all.

Most of the time I don't want to be with people because people exhaust me. But sometimes I don't want to be with people because of my paranoia (such as mind-reading and Spying).

I do get support for my AS but the carers of this supported housing do not give me any AS support, it's my mental health team and my university support worker who do.

I really wish I could go to a secluded house in the countryside for a couple of weeks to recharge.

When I was around 12, I wanted to disappear into the wilderness never to be found again. I actually studied and practiced survival skills with that goal in mind. Can't remember why it didn't happen though. lol

I have recently come to understand and accept that my social needs are significantly less than most NT's.

I am quite pleased to come to this self-understanding, and embrace it whole-heartedly. I find I am happier now that I no longer feel that I must force myself to go and do social things.

What works for me now is: About once a week I spend an hour or so at the local coffee shop. I read. If just once or twice during my stay I exchange a nod of recognition with someone, I go home feeling quite socially fulfilled.

To me, it sounds like wisdom informed by experience!

In general I do not like to socialize, but there are a few people I want to socialize with, but then I feel the difficulty of doing it.
Last week I had a week of group therapy and I was the only autistic person and the therapists told the people that I was autistic and the people were really nice to me but I still did not manage to socialize with them also because of sensory issues: NT-people talk and talk and
talk and they talk all together and laugh a lot and I had to cover my ears and I never know what to say to them.
I am between the desire to socialize at least with a few people but the disability to do so and no desire to socialize as I do not feel a strong desire to socialize with groups or meeting "new" people.

My desire to socialize is almost non existent. I have discussed this with one of these no good therapists I have been seeing and she told me that some people with aspergers have a normal desire to socialize and others don't feel the need to socialize. I seem to belong to that last category so you are not the only one.

I'm an Aspie with little to no desire to socialize. I was the same way growing up. Anytime there was a birthday party or other get together to attend, I dreaded it. I was happy to remain in my room and attend to my interests. Now, as an adult, I am still happy remaining to myself and with my family.

Generally I actually like to socialize and am I extraverted. But with socializing there are dangers that I do not notice on time. I have to be alert, and might make people think that I am a bit paranoid. So be it.

The dangers are, that not all people have good intentions. Children and adolescents can show this behaviour, but unfortunately adult people are to be questioned as well.

Actually people should adapt their behaviour a bit (and a few people actually already do) but most people are not willing because they consider their own behaviour (including their bad intentions) as the norm and behaviour from autistics (even those that are doing their best) is deviant from the norm. NT people generally feel they don't owe anything to others that are too different from them. That makes them less social than they claim to be.

I can't do completely without, but I can get by with a lot less than most NTs do.

I've tried to socialize many times, yet it seems that others are always so put off by it. They either get angry at me, or behave in ways to make me get angry or hurt my feelings, basically just pushing me away. It isn't that I haven't tried, or that I don't want to have friends. but others just don't seem to be able to understand me very well. It does bother me, but I really don't know anything else I can do about it.

I’m one of those natural born loners.
Most people don’t interest me at all and I only want to spend time with someone when there is something about them that attracts me. Not counting close family and crushes, I can count on one hand the times I have wanted to socialize (or thought I did), and they were all connected to one person only that for some reason appealed to me at the time:
1989/1990 (a girl in my parallel class).
1999/2000 (a neighbor).
2007/2008 (another neighbor).

There were people in elementary school and junior high that I liked well enough but I wasn’t emotionally close to them. I didn’t mind spending time with them in school, but I never desired to use my precious free time on them, so when we were together outside of school, it was always on their persistent initiative. While it was okay, it never gave me that much, and I always preferred to do my own stuff on my own. Playing video games, read, write, spend time with my pets, daydream, and think about whatever I was preoccupied with at the time. Sometimes they’d even call me to try to persuade me to drop by and TBH I found that annoying. I wasn’t happy to be asked. I wanted my private time to be private and having people call me and try to get me to come over (especially on short notice) fit that badly.
I bet if those 3 people I wanted to like me, had liked me as much as I wanted them to, I wouldn't be the least pleased. Probably just worn out and longing for space.

The only people not related to me that I have genuinely cared about, are all people I have met online only. And I don’t desire much contact with them either. I hate owing anyone an email/PM. I prefer to not be too close to anyone so I can come and leave as I wish.