How to live as an asperger and have a happy life ?

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But far as I remember you said somewhere you didn't have OCD or GAD? Without OCD and GAD my life would be quite good (except from the severe chronic pain issues I have due to tight muscles), I'm sure. I have friends, I have a parter, I have family, I have enough job opportunities, I live in a rich country with lots of social welfare and I'm NOT depressed.

But with pure-O/rumination it's impossible to be really happy.

Also did I not said being a less of a sufferer won't cut it?

I happened to know sufferers who are happier, more satisfied and fulfilled than I'm as a non sufferer.
Not invalidating your feelings, I simply I don't know they manage nor I pretend to understand how so.
All I know is that I had found that works with me in a long run, then conquered things with it. And I'm aware that it won't work the same with others.


I stopped caring and seeking about happiness a long time ago. Which is ironic that I've been more happier since then.
And as for my advice from the original post? It's an advice as an aspie, not as me. Also you don't know my whole story.

Oh, damn!

And I had thought of such a good response to your question.

Oh well.

This!!

I technically shouldn't exist, since I suffer so much from OCD but I am still quite happy a fair amount of the time. Pain is inevitable, suffering isn't. Hope you're having a good day .

I'd say that to love a happy life, some of the biggest things you need to be able to do is feel like you can depend on yourself and those closest to you, set some achievable goals in your life, but also do things along the way that you enjoy.

know what you want to do, know what you need to do to live as a functional member of society and find a way to make this happen.

You say you work at your father's shop. Is the store a business that he owns? If so, is there a chance you'll inherit it from him? Would you be happy working there? Would you rather be doing something else? You should look at your options in depth and find out what you have to do to be successful in them.

Also, you should look into the requirements of eventual independent living. Know the cost of things like food, housing and utilities, learn how to do things like cook and drive, find out what help you can get on account of your disabilities.

I'm not saying all this has to be hashed out tomorrow or anything. In fact, you shouldn't, these are important decisions and steps that shouldn't be rushed. I'm currently in the process myself but having goals and just knowing what I want to do has helped me feel better about myself. but you could make examining your options and considering which ones you want a good starting point for yourself.

Set up some long term but achievable goals and when you reach them, make new ones. This way, you have a sense of direction and purpose in life.

But don't let those purposes be all consuming. You'll burn out. Spend time with the people you care about, go do fun things from time to time (what you consider fun, not what the general public dictates is good), set some time aside for your hobbies. Take a chance every once in a while and try something new. What's the point of living without a few laughs, smiles and surprises along the way.

I hope some of this is helpful.

Identify problems in your life and get rid of them.

Examples of what i have done:
- If dishwashing makes you down, buy disposable paper plates and plastic cutlery.
- If you feel that TV is wasting your life, get rid of it.
- If you feel that someone is draining you of energy, unfriend them/stop talking to them.
- If you constantly feel stressed out, go for a walk in the woods, or try meditation like suggested earlier.
- If you feel lonely, talk to people on forums such as this.
- If world news gets you down, stop reading it.

See where i am going? I have made lots of changes to my life, i can barely cope nowadays after taking alot of s**t on my last job, but i'm not laying down expecting death to take me any time soon.

I agree with one point on the above, if someone is draining and causing you a lot of stress, consider cutting them out for a while, until you can deal with the why of that and resolve it. And if you can't, cut them out. Obsessing over it does a lot more damage than absence would, and sometimes with absence, people think and begin to understand things, and healing can happen.

But in general, it's more about figuring out what your coping strategies are. Video Games, especially fantasy worlds, relax me immensely. My dog relaxes me, and so does swimming or running. Writing too, which is why forums like this help. Being reminded I'm not alone helps so much.

For me the hardest part about ASD is just the intense emotions, and not really even knowing what I am feeling, or what to do about it. Distracting myself seems to work usually.

I’m an aspie and have had an awesome life. Born into the County Surveyors Society founded by William the Conqueror in 1066 as the haven of aspies in England, I was privately schooled, trained and qualified to develop self sufficient church missionary settlements all over the United Kingdom and Commonwealth of Nations.

But a head injury on my way home from qualifying put paid to that idea, so I had to be retrained by the society to continue living and working in the United Kingdom. I lost my memory and personal identity following the injury, but not my schooling or my training or my qualification, and won a design competition to transfer the Royal Mint from London, England, UK, to Llantrisant, Wales, UK.

I won it because I included a global highways and transportation development plan designed to ensure secure, efficient, economic and convenient delivery of new, and collection of old, coinage and banknotes, between the new mint and each and every British consul, bank, and business in the whole world which took my entire 50 year professional career to see to its ultimate conclusion.

Having thus reduced the risks of premature deaths caused by highways and transport accidents globally by my 50th birthday, I turned my attention to reducing premature deaths caused by bizarre self harming risks of autie/aspie recklessness over protecting themselves and others from death and serious injury.

Reducing highways and traffic risks is very impersonal and can therefore be done objectively and logically. But reducing autie/aspie complacency is personal and is very often illogical and irrational. So it is more challenging and therefore far more rewarding. You seldom get any thanks for doing it, as few people are prepared to discuss suicide, murder, and manslaughter, in the context of mental health, due to social stigmas against discussing such matters.

To make self-actualisation even more difficult, I was encumbered by the Official Secrets Acts 1911-89 of the UK, which made publicly mentioning my methods or their results a treasonable offence liable to incarceration for life in peacetime, and death by firing squad or hanging in wartime, until 25 years had elapsed from the passing of the ’89 Act. So I could say nothing about them until 2014.

Consequently, when I published my memoirs, they went viral in the UK overnight, capturing amazon.co.uk bestseller slots #1, #2, #4 and #5, in my genre and niche by breakfast, and the same slots globally on amazon.com by breakfast a week later, prompting The Huffington Post to invite me to ‘have a voice’ in its columns, and CNNiReport to invite me to broadcast in audio and video format on its cable and satellite radio and television service.

Even then, getting any testimonials or endorsements from any beneficiaries was almost impossible, because the social stigmas are so severe against these issues. However, I received one on Facebook, referring to ‘thousands’ my program had prevented from killing themselves. From that flowed an endorsement by a USA university, and my autoresponders supply evidence of it helping others protect themselves from self induced death.

Heck, I now have more readers, listeners and viewers than live on the planet! So, feedback received for the past 3 years, as to how many lives my program has saved compensates more than I ever hoped it would for the thankless and tedious 70 years hard graft beforehand. So you shouldn’t give up trying for happiness because nobody says your doing nay good. Do it! Just do it! As the Nike advert says. Because one day you’ll be living the dream, as I am now.

Don't make the mistake as others have done here that I'm a troll or spammer or snake oil salesman or quack. I'm highly qualified and own and operate a not for profit UK business that helps auties and aspies get themselves better lives than they can get on their own and charge nothing for doing it. I never had to pay to do it and I don't see why you should either. I love this type of philanthropy. It costs nothing and makes so many people happy it is valuable and worthwhile.D

There's a pile of lovely questions on this thread I want to answer - but I only just read them and I need a break as I'm elderly and have cataracts and eyes are hurting right now - but I'm going to take a break to give my eyes a rest - and then I'll go through all the questions I can answer - PM me if you want - I'm happy to keep things private as I've been doing this for over 20 years and most of my work has been highly confidential until very recently - so I know all about the importance of client confidentiality

I’m not a troll or trying to be anything other than helpful. If you’ve thought of suicide once, you’ll think of it again if life gets tough. So here’s a You Tube video you’ll find helpful in crushing the churning thoughts [http://bit.ly/2vXBYxe]. You had secret invisible friends when you were little. You can ask them silently in your head to come back and be your friends again. A very famous Scottish American kept his secret invisible friends from his childhood, and became the richest man in the world because he consulted them on every decision before acting on it. It was Andrew Carnegie and you can read about him in Hill’s book “Think and Grow Rich” [http://bit.ly/2fLox86]. You are correct to cast your mind forward to your future happiness and well being. To help you become strong enough to cope, I advise this pro bono 7 Steps in 7 Days course [http://bit.ly/2au1qS5]. If they work pump up the volume with its pro bono 7 Steps in 98 Days consolidator course [http://bit.ly/1p7Tcl2]. Step 3 of both courses teaches you how to raise your happiness floor way above your depression doorstep.

Here goes...

1) Be kind to yourself, you are who you are, you are wired the way you are and there is no changing that...learn to love yourself (it takes practice)

2) avoid if you can troublesome places and people

3) If you can work then do so and harness your interests

4) Learn to recognise when you are becoming overloaded and take every opportunity to take time out to recover before you HAVE too.

5) Learn and practice your coping strategies, if its a stim, then stem

6) If you have a special interest then pursue it, indulge it, enjoy it, lose yourself in it.

7) Most of us are not people people (LOL, you can say that again) that does not mean we want to live in solitary either. If you have friends then spend time with them if you can. I find it easier to visit other people so I can leave again whenever I want too (usually half an hour to an hour for me)

Have a life on line, forums like this, VR like Second Life or a gaming community

Just a few ideas. hope they help. I may not have any friends but I do have a very understanding wife of the past 27 years, she is absolutely all I need.

Sry, didn't quite get it, now I looked up the expression "won't cut it" and now I get it... *still learning English


You cannot suffer from these conditions and be happy at the same time? At least if the anxiety is a constant feeling...

learn meditation. what happens in the outer world is not significant because you can't really change it, you can react to it. control what you can: your reactions. Learn deep breathing and relaxation, it is awesome. And I avoid crowds as much as possible and don't feel guilty but if you feel bad like you're missing out, maybe a support group or therapy

Is this posting addressed to the OP here or to me?

I’ve only ever competed against myself or people who have been my ‘enemies’. I was born into and raised in a protected environment, so I never knew what danger or risks were. But, I was a savant, and savantism relies on acquiring learned knowledge, so I sought to acquire learned knowledge every day of my life, and competed with myself to learn more knowledge every day than I had learned up to the day before. Enemies were people who did not do this, but who made plans and acted on knowledge so sparse that it fulfilled the adage, “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing” http://bit.ly/2vuA8l4.

I was between 3½ and 4½ years of age when I decided to become a better person each day relative to the day before. I had been supposed to start attending Nursery School at age 3½ but attempted suicide with my mum’s maternal grandfather when we found out, as he home-schooled me. I survived unscathed, but he had severe complications, and died a year later, when I was 4½.

But, I didn’t start attending Nursery School, due to that suicide attempt. That had to wait until I was 4½, and between the ages of 3½ and 4½, my mum walked me to and from work with her, and parked me each day with her eldest aunt, who was his eldest daughter. Each day she parked me in the library of her home, until my mum arrived there, after work, for missionary evening classes
as she was very religious.

I studied the books and other study material there, each day, but died each morning at about 11;00 am and came back to life at about 4:30 pm, having spent the interim doing out of body journeys, to places I read about in the books and other study materials in the library, thereby increasing my learned knowledge by remotely viewing these subjects.

But, before travelling far, each morning, I habitually called at an end of terrace house nearby, to say hello to a mynah bird, who lived in a cage in the conservatory of that house, and I recall on one such occasion coming to the conclusion that I would spend each day learning something I didn’t know the day before, as the mynah bird did, but my learning would not be superficial, as its was, but in sufficient depth, to regard myself as expert.

And that concept became the rule that I lived by for the rest of my life. So I never had to compete with anyone else over the acquisition of learned knowledge, only the application of that learned knowledge in the course of my life and work, as my enemies went out of their way to spoil any good that I did with my learned knowledge, so I frequently found myself having to defend it against their dangerous little knowledge.

I don’t have GAD, and control my OCD so it doesn’t become invasive. But it is because I’ve been taught to prevent myself from ruminating constantly. Your still being alive at age 28 is something of a miracle, if you haven’t been taught this, as most auties/aspies who are so dysfunctional as to have a diagnosis of ASD or AS do not normally survive beyond childhood (23 in USA, 21 in UK) http://bit.ly/1JqH7hw http://bit.ly/1KuwoBj

I’m an autie/aspie, but I was taught how to keep those churning thoughts at bay by hypno meditation and have been coaching and counselling those who haven’t since my 50th birthday, in 1995, about 80,000 people all told.

I never charge anyone as I never had to pay to learn it, so I don’t see why anyone else should. PM me if you want the URL of my 7 Steps in 7 Days taster course. It will cost you nothing and won’t be a commitment as everything I do nowadays is by email autoresponders, 24/7/52, so nobody gets left out who needs it.