False accusations and being an aspie

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Hi. I'm a mom to a possible autie/aspie. I've been lurking in this forum for a while and have come away with useful insights on what it's like to have an autie/aspie child and what it's like for those who are autie/aspie. I've never been compelled to jump into any discussions until today. You see, my son, who is almost 8 and in 2nd grade, was accused today of inserting something in his classmate's ear. The victim was claiming that my son had pushed a chewed gum far in his ear. I met the boy's mother in the principal's office and she said she did see something in her son's ear but couldn't get it out so she was taking him to the family EENT that afternoon. My son and her son were called to join us at the principal's office to explain what had happened. The other boy repeated his story about the incident, which, apparently, had happened two days earlier. When I asked my son if he did it, he turned teary-eyed and said "Nothing. I did nothing." I tried to make him confess and asked him to apologize. He did apologize, several times, at my prompting. Long story short, it was assumed the other boy was telling the truth because of circumstantial evidence (some object was in his ear) and my son, because of language difficulties (pragmatics) could not offer anything in his defense except to say "I did nothing." Thankfully, the other boy's mother was very understanding and was suggesting that maybe the boys were just having fun. We ended the discussion on a positive note, which the other boy being reminded not to let other kids take advantage of him and with my kid admonished for not keeping his hands to himself.

When we got home, I tried to squeeze the truth out of my son. See, my son has trouble telling others, me included, about everyday things that happen in school. If I want a complete story from him, I would have to extract it out of him, piece by piece, as he never elaborates. I asked him about this gum incident and he responded as if he didn't know what I was talking about. I tried to ask leading questions, just to prod him to "confess" but he insisted he didn't do anything. He sounded like someone who came late to a party and didn't know what was going on. Finally when it dawned on him that he was accused of something he claimed he didn't do, he asked me with innocent curiosity "Did [name of boy's mother] lie?" And it was all I could take before I broke down and cried. Right then and there (actually even at the principal's office), I believed he was telling the truth, that he didn't do it. But because he looked guilty (not having eye contact) and made to apologize (by me), it was a foregone conclusion by everyone else that he did it.

Then it was my turn to apologize to him for assuming he was guilty without asking him his side of the story first. He had been called to the principal's office in the past, twice for retaliating against bullies. On both occasions, he readily dmitted to hitting back, without even attempting to lie about them. As a matter of fact, he even gestured how he whacked one kid with his soft lunch bag and rolled his trolley bag on another's foot. In both instances, all I had to do was ask him what happened first, then what happened next, and so on and so forth, and he would walk me through it. But in this latest incident. he had absolutely nothing to say and insisted he never got hold of a gum (I never pack a gum in his lunch bag. Who does that anyway?), he didn't shove anything in anybody's ear. There was simply no story to extract out of him, period. He has never lied about any wrongdoing in the past and would give details when asked. But not this time. And I'm the type of parent who never punishes her child for telling the truth.

I'm sorry if this is long but I felt that I just needed to vent. I have never caught my son lying, perhaps there will be time for that. I am just sad and frustrated that his language difficulties compromise his ability to make his case and speak in his own defense. Part of me wants to have a word with the principal and tell him about my conversation with my son just to let her know that for the record, my son insists he has done nothing wrong, but another part of me says to just let bygones be bygones, because it was settled anyway and the other boy's mother was quite understanding.

That has happened to me most of my life too! After people would deliberately accuse me and punish me for things I did not do to teach them a lesson and also to vent my frustration every time somebody would fasely accuse and punish me I would have huge meltdowns which works since after that people stopped falsely accusing me.

The cycle of false accusations begin the middle school and last through night early twenties

I was inarticulate as a grade schooler and could not verbally defend myself nor even adequately describe what needed to be described, so I was often a target of false accusation/false witness.