What to say at the supermarket...

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I've never worked at a supermarket, but from the fact that they all seem to do this, I'm pretty certain that starting some kind of inane conversation is supposed to be part of the job description.
I suppose a lot of NT's would not see it as stupid, as they seem to make conversation just for the sake of it. I believe it is called being friendly. I find it painful though, and more than one cashier has been on the receiving end of my "Paddington Bear Hard Stare".



Parents. How about if you have some ID on you so you can deal with it yourself rather than having your mum storm in? That way if you do get ID'd you can make some comment like 'I didn't think I still looked that young, it must be the clean and sober life I lead' (ironic because you are buying beer).

I hope that the women were not smirking at you. It could just be that you felt bad about the situation so interpreted it that way, they may well have been laughing about something else. If they were smirking at you, then all I have to say is that they are idiots. I wish there were less people like that in the world.

I like singularity's answer too, I wish I had thought of that.

I don't normally need it, that's the thing.

What I perhaps should have done is asked for my passport (instead of saying they won't serve me - to which my mum and dad started getting angry at me), gone back into the shop, went up to neckbeard, asked for the bottles of cider and used another till (with passport in hand this time). But I wasn't thinking like this.



No, I was definitely being smirked at. I felt like I was a child again. I felt like it had been completely taken out of my hands. I struggle enough with life at the best of times and there is so little I actually do for myself.

Another thing I manage to do is that if a woman shows the slightest amount of interest or attempt to flirt with me, I can kill it stone dead so efficiently it's quite devastating to me afterwards when I have realised. It's like I am oblivious at the time, so focused am I in getting my shopping and fleeing. My answers will be completely honest but sound submissive and childlike. I can flirt initially, then I just freeze up (I stare a lot when this happens out of a kind of paralysis) or revert to being totally platonic. I am tired all the damn time so my answers probably sound disjointed and not quite relevant to the tone of the conversation.

This has happened so many times it's unreal.

The only woman who I find attractive who is still showing interest in me basically gropes me in some way every time she sees me.

Last edited by Tequila on 29 Jun 2013, 10:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tell her " there's a party in my pants and you're invited. "

Sorry, I had to. Completely joking, I would never say that, but it's funny to me.

I totally understand the "are they flirting?"
When I was single I either thought everything was or was not, which left me single for a long time. One thing to think of, at least here in the U.S., is that super markets almost always employee a lot of teenagers.

I never worried about buying a twelve pack and appearing a lush,I guess since most of the counties around are dry no one thinks of people buying cases of beer.And then it's possible we are all booze hounds here.I had an older friend that would buy a months supply at one time,definitely over the legal limit.And he was a generous old coot,Anyone that showed up was offered a brew,as many as you wanted.Mal Wart wouldnt sell me wine one day when I did not have my ID,and the lady was hateful about it.I said "I'm almost 50!"And she said"I don't care,no ID no wine."And I know this was BS because I bought beer in there a week or two later and they did not ask for any ID.I don't know why some people are asses,life is hard enough.

Not the case here in the UK. It's a mix of ages.

I understand this well. I don't mind people being friendly. I just don't want to be put on the spot.

Do any of the stores near you have the self checkout kiosks?

If so, go there and use them when you just do not want to interact. If not, the head phone option is always nice; the shopping robot is almost accepted/excused. I do this and disappear into the music; almost like a video game.

You could say something like, I'm always having a party, or Oh, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll just see what happens.

Last edited by Max000 on 30 Jun 2013, 9:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have always thought that it would be nice if eberrything were sold by vending machines.

It's always hard to think of the right thing to do when you are put on the spot. If I had a dollar for every time I've thought of something clever to say or do about three days after I needed to think of it, I would be a rich woman.


I am sorry. There is not a lot I can say to you except to reiterate that they are idiots. People who laugh at other people's difficulties are the lowest of the low. All I can think is that they have very sad lives if they have to boost themselves up in this way.


It seems that struggling with flirting is quite a common problem with the Aspies I have talked to. I don't really have much advice on this one, except if you have any female friends then flirting with them might help you practice.

I am not sure if I am misunderstanding you, but it sounds like you are trying to flirt at the supermarket? If you are not relaxed while shopping (a lot of us are not) then it might be a bad place to try it, maybe you would do better somewhere you are more relaxed?

As far as flirting goes, if you struggle with freezing up, I find that smiling but not trying to say anything helps - as soon as I try say something clever I come out with something dumb- but a smile and not saying much can go a long way.

The other thing I find useful for shopping is going somewhere smaller, where you get to recognise people, rather than a big supermarket where there are countless workers. Then, as you get to know people, you get more relaxed in talking to them.

Sorry to hear about your struggles, sometimes it just sucks.

Why didn't you have your id on you? Then when they didn't want to serve you just say "I'm (legal drinking age in your country) and then show them your id or they'll ask to see it.

I don't know how it works over there but here a lot of stores have policies to id everyone.

What if she actually wants to?

I know lots of people that buy beer just for home comforts, not all drinks necessarily mean you're having a party, and not everyone lives their life at parties anyway, so it's nothing to be ashamed of or for others to judge you on.

I got asked by my bus-driver the other week if I am having a party, because I had two big Tesco carrier bags. I just smiled and said, ''no, this is just part of my shopping.'' He just smiled and said, ''have a nice day'' and carried on.

But I know what you mean. Sudden conversations from strangers can be awkward. When I respond to this type of thing, I sometimes go to say something else but it gets lost on my tongue so I end up standing there grinning at them like an idiot, and they're staring at me expecting me to say something else, and it all becomes awkward. The awkwardness would rapidly die off if they stopped staring at me, but they don't. They just carry on staring at me funny on and off for as long as they can, instead of just thinking, ''OK, conversation was short and sweet but it's obvious she's not going to say anything else so let's just end it now without prolonging this awkward moment.''

Yes, they do. Unfortunately, the stores that have them generally do not have what I want.

I prefer not to use them when I can avoid it too. It's not usually a problem apart from with some of the women. Anyway, I'm mindful of that whole "it's helping to kick people out of a job" type thing when I use them.



It's not otherwise a bad idea, though.



I often just put on some music on my phone and plug my headphones in when I am walking. It's pretty fun being able to blot everyone and everything out.

That first one is a pretty decent idea, but when they ask: "And how many people usually are at these parties?" you say, I don't know, "Just one person, but theoretically anything could happen!" or something.

Something like this, only more of them and selling different products?


Vending Machine Alley by Cheeky Mango, on Flickr