If no diagnosis.. then what?

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No, I mean it is a good excuse. If you're using it as an explanation for something you did that caused offense which lessons your fault in the matter then that's an excuse. If you can't reach for something because you have osteoporosis and someone is annoyed that you can't reach for it, your excuse is that you have brittle bones because of your medical condition. If you miss an obvious social cue and piss someone off and then you explain that you missed it because you're autistic that is an excuse. There are good excuses and bad excuses. I killed the man because he was about to diffuse a bomb that would kill a whole room full of people, me included = good excuse. I killed the man because he disagreed with me that purple is a pretty colour= bad excuse. Both are excuses. Definition of excuse: LINK

I found out at 47.

I have had certain kinds of informal support for years and years--my wife and an aspie boss who unbeknownst to me had identified me as an aspie years ago and designed my job around that realization. The boss retired and we had an odd conversation that I know understand was her attempt to tell me what she suspected.

I don't expect I will get much in the way of accommodation, though my new boss has been very positive about it. The reality is that I am able to keep my job despite my autism because I am good at it. It does create problems, but I have been navigating carefully and that is not likely to change.

Getting the diagnosis was very important to me. I really needed to know. Now that I do know, I am surprised to find that my self confidence is shaken a little bit, because in the process I have learned that I was being supported more than I knew--that other people knew when I had no inkling, and that I am not nearly as good at being a husband as I thought.

All this knowledge is ultimately to the good, though. My wife is reading a lot about autism and that is improving her ability to tell me what she needs (things that I have too often been oblivious to) and improving her ability to support our son, also diagnosed with ASD. I am also realizing that I have been blind to a lot of problematic patterns at work that stem from my autism, and I can now try to work more skillfully, empowered by that realization.

If you have all the traits but at a sub-clinical level, learning about them should still be beneficial. The more you know, the more skillful and compassionate you can be--with yourself as with others.

Wow... never thought these were meltdowns, too... I've got them pretty often, with the only difference that instead of rubbing my head I hit something with my hand and then the pain kind of brings me back to reality. No fun indeed.

... and the less obvious it is, the more you're demanded to be "normal" in situations you can't really cope with, which also builds up the stress.

I don't recall those traits being required for an ASD diagnosis. I may be immature, but I am not lazy or unmotivated.


I was diagnosed as an adult. The diagnosis has been neither bad nor good for me. It hasn't mattered either way.

This is something I experience as a human being.

Now---and I want to be clear about this---this is my own idea that this might constitute a meltdown.

I am just not that impressed with the previous DSM-4 (and I'm skeptical whether DSM-5 is that big an improvement). And I think a lot of this we're going to have to figure out on our own.

Oh well, the assessors feel that I meet the criteria for Asperger's syndrome, so I have the diagnosis. Not sure what will happen now, or even if anything will happen.

I don't know if I really am unmotivated and lazy and immature and selfish, but my parents used to tell me that I was immature, selfish and lazy, and I think I must be unmotivated because I have achieved so little. I don't need benefits either.