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A hint on social intelligence

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qawer
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16 Jul 2013, 6:01 pm

foxfield wrote:
I don't believe in the concept of social intelligence.

I know for a fact that I would be totally unable to butt kiss my way up a career ladder, even if I wanted to. According to Daniel Goleman, that would mean I have a low SQ (social intelligence quotient),

But is that really the correct interpretation? I actually feel very capable of comprehending and analysing complex multiperson interactions. The real problem, I feel, is that I am very different from other people in general. This is sensed by me, and them, and so any social schmoozing efforts I may wish to make will just fall flat.

What I am trying to say is that the most socially intelligent person is Joe Average, because Joe is completely surrounded by people who are on his wavelength. Now, the average person does not tend to be especially thoughtful of other peoples feelings and will tend to be quite selfish (as surely altruism and thoughtfulness must follow a bell curve like everything else?). This, I think, is the real reason that "social intelligence" appears to be linked to selfishness.


I think you have a very good point there - similar minds connect.

But since the most social intelligent person is Joe Average, being social intelligent for us aspies is to "act" more like Joe Average, right? This means more selfishness.

But I agree, if 98 % of the population were aspies I believe I would never have had to even consider all the social things. I would just automatically connect with people. I instantly connect with aspies. As if we just "know" intuitively what the other is thinking. That's how NT people feel in general, I guess. They're very lucky in that respect. Makes a lot of sense why social interaction is so meaningful to them.



Verdandi
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16 Jul 2013, 6:47 pm

qawer wrote:
Social intelligence is much about being self-centred, self-serving, self-important, superficial and egoistic while simultaneously pretending one genuinely cares about one's surroundings. In reality the social intelligent person only cares about his surroundings if the surroundings benefit himself - so ultimately he only genuinely/unconditionally cares about himself. Because as soon as some part of the surroundings are unbeneficial to him, he should stop "caring" about them.

This is the social attitude that is the most beneficial for survival - that's why it's considered "intelligent"/correct.


No, all "socially intelligent" NTs are not sociopaths and narcissists.



Meistersinger
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17 Jul 2013, 3:21 am

Verdandi wrote:
qawer wrote:
Social intelligence is much about being self-centred, self-serving, self-important, superficial and egoistic while simultaneously pretending one genuinely cares about one's surroundings. In reality the social intelligent person only cares about his surroundings if the surroundings benefit himself - so ultimately he only genuinely/unconditionally cares about himself. Because as soon as some part of the surroundings are unbeneficial to him, he should stop "caring" about them.

This is the social attitude that is the most beneficial for survival - that's why it's considered "intelligent"/correct.


No, all "socially intelligent" NTs are not sociopaths and narcissists.


I wouldn't say that. There are some "socially intelligent" NTs that are "just good people."



qawer
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17 Jul 2013, 4:23 am

Verdandi wrote:
qawer wrote:
Social intelligence is much about being self-centred, self-serving, self-important, superficial and egoistic while simultaneously pretending one genuinely cares about one's surroundings. In reality the social intelligent person only cares about his surroundings if the surroundings benefit himself - so ultimately he only genuinely/unconditionally cares about himself. Because as soon as some part of the surroundings are unbeneficial to him, he should stop "caring" about them.

This is the social attitude that is the most beneficial for survival - that's why it's considered "intelligent"/correct.


No, all "socially intelligent" NTs are not sociopaths and narcissists.


I agree! Very much so.

But at the same time I wonder if that's because those people just have good social intelligence, but not great like the sociopaths and narcissists. Seems like the sociopaths and narcissists are celebrated in society. They would not be celebrated if it was a bad thing, right? As if the average person just faces somewhat less of the social issues AS people face, and the sociopaths and narcissists really have minimized such social issues in comparison to the average person.

There's a reason why the guys in elementary/high school always desperately wanted to befriend the sociopath/narcissist and that he was always the most popular among the girls - social intelligence is highly valued.



Verdandi
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17 Jul 2013, 5:28 pm

It's not social intelligence. Narcissists and psychopaths have a very shallow understanding of people, which is why everything is pretense to get what they want. They know how to manipulate people to a certain extent, but their games do eventually fall apart and their BS becomes obvious over time.

The people who celebrate them do not really have a good understanding of what they are really like, and extrapolate from what probably appears to be bold action (when it's really just self-serving crap).

For example, there's my legal father - who is a psychopath. Nobody likes him. His family doesn't like him, his child does not like him, his grandchildren hate him. I'm not related to him (except in terms of him being married to my mother for a period of time) and I also do not like him. Essentially no one likes him but the people who do not like him mostly get along with each other.

I think there's a tendency on this forum to define socially aware people as evil and selfish in some way, and I think that's what you're doing here, and I don't see how this could possibly be accurate.

Meistersinger, it looks like you responded to my post as if I said the opposite of what I actually said.



Callista
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18 Jul 2013, 12:41 pm

Yes, it is more difficult if you are autistic, and I do think that much of that difficulty comes from being different.

However, being different is not an insurmountable obstacle to understanding each other. A male and female can be friends. Young and old can be friends. People from China can be friends with people from Mexico. An atheist and a religious individual can be friends. There is an extra step to bridge the differences, but it is not impossible, and it is still worthwhile. In fact, these more difficult connections with people who are different from oneself are usually more fruitful. Because they are different, they bring to the table perspectives and ideas that are not available to you. Similarly, because you are different, you bring perspectives and ideas that are not available to them.

Integrating autistic people into society will strengthen everyone involved.


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