Attracted to autistic behaviours.

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This makes me wonder...how does this particular scenario work if an Aspie is clearly trying to subdue their traits when they're around you? Will the mere fact that you detect the traits be enough to make it comfortable or would the suppression of them override your perception of them?



That's something I envy in you. Most of the time when I interact with the NT's I see on a daily basis their judgment passed on to me comes faster than I can write off the mistake (mostly because I was trying to spend the time processing what I said, the reaction, why they reacted the way they did, and what my reaction is).



Nope. Just dedicated to being yourself Nothing wrong with that

Holy crap! You like math and odd behavior? Where have you been all my life?!

There appear to be verbal and non-verbal communication differences, which is not the same "can't live with people".

I, too, am predisposed to autistic traits & people. Unfortunately, the commune where I live has proven rather adept at screening out such people since I got in.

Well, perhaps you're a regular social butterfly, and I'm the only one to have problems dealing with people.

Based on my experience, it would still make me comfortable to see at least some ASD-like behaviours in the person. However, I might do things to try to make the person comfortable enough to show their traits more. If I were to be given a choice as to whether to be around someone who has more overt traits as opposed to fewer of them, I would pick the former. In real life, though, I try to interact with a variety of people, just to keep an open mind.

The only time I would completely avoid someone on the spectrum who is focused on acting NT-like is when that person criticizes/judges me for my own autistic behaviour or tries to impose their chosen way of being on me. Social advice in a situation with NTs is fine, like how you did it with me, because it was welcome in that case. However, when I'm trying to relax and let loose around other people on the spectrum, having someone telling me how to act would be very frustrating and I would avoid that person in the future at all costs. Another thing I am very beware of is people claiming they're on the spectrum, yet acting, for the most part, completely NT. This is because people like that can be very good deceivers and potentially interpret my behaviour behind my back and then go as far as avoiding me based on their judgement, without trying to have a direct, honest conversation with me about my intentions toward them. People like that can also be very adept at saying things they don't mean. While I don't react to this as much in some NTs whom I don't take seriously, once I bond to a person, this kind of uncertainty in a relationship can be very distressing. So I pick out people who say what they mean and am always on guard for the smallest lie, because that will automatically trigger distrust in me as a result of my experiences with indirect people like that.

I can switch back and forth between non-verbal and verbal, but it takes me a while and is tiring to do all the time, especially when someone constantly insists on talking and asking questions in order to fill the silence. I can only pick up on verbals and nonverbals at the same time when the person makes iconic gestures that relate directly to what he/she is trying to describe. Those are generally simple enough to read.

"I can switch back and forth between non-verbal and verbal, but it takes me a while and is tiring to do all the time, especially when someone constantly insists on talking and asking questions in order to fill the silence. I can only pick up on verbals and nonverbals at the same time when the person makes iconic gestures that relate directly to what he/she is trying to describe. Those are generally simple enough to read."

Yes, I don't like those silences you describe; I feel very uncomfortable with them.

Actually, my understanding is that NT's have the same problem. When I was in Naval intelligence I learned that interrogators use those silences to their advantage during interrogations. Since even NT's don't like those silences, an interrogator will use them to get their subject to talk to fill them. I also understand police use the same technique when they interrogate a suspect. If the suspect won't talk, they bring the suspect in to their office, sit them down, and then feign going to work doing other things. Eventually, most suspects will talk.

I think I can read at least some nonverbal communications that aren't accompanied with other descriptors--such as people, particularly women, giving off the vibe of "stay away from me".

I don't mind the silence itself. I don't like it when people try to talk just to fill the slience. I also hate when people press me for pointless and boring information and force me to talk. I'd rather stay in my head or talk about something that is actually interesting and insightful. Silences can help me process the situation, but when people keep talking, I can't process anything but speech.

Mathgirl, what I've found is that when there are uncomfortable silences, it's an indication of how poor my social skills are, and the other person is ready to bail on the conversation. For me, it means the conversation is forced rather than flowing naturally. This was particularly true before I was in a relationship, and wanted desperately to be in one. So, for me, those uncomfortable silences are a reminder of my failings to deal well with social situations. My current girlfriend, who I've been with for thirteen years, interpreted it as me being hard to get.

Now, in an effort to learn to accept myself, I don't even try to engage in small talk unless I have to, say, for my job. But I'm still not good at it. I generally don't like to talk now unless I've got something to say. With my girlfriend, there are silences, even long silences, but they don't seem uncomfortable. She's not very talkative either, though she only scored 6/50 on the AQ whereas I scored 43/50.

Being able to stay silent in the absence of conversation is a great skill. One I have tried hard to master. Once you can bear that silence, it gives you a tremendous advantage socially.

Ann, I agree, but the trick is to know how and when to use that advantage as it can also turn people off.

True. A balance must be struck. But I have a tendency to speak before my brain has fully processed information, which has led to many gaffs. I use to talk a lot when I was a kid, but I don't speak much anymore.

Ann,I tend to say things I regret when my nerves get overloaded. It's why I prefer to be alone, or with one, or at most two, other people I like and can trust.

I may have to get off the computer. The power has been off all day, and just came back on. But it's still not working right, and I'm afraid it's going to mess up my computer.

I like to be with people who don't interpret my behaviour in a negative way. I spent so much time trying to figure out and conform to "NT" behaviour, that I completely broke down. Now I like to give myself leeway to behave in a way which is more natural for me. I know this isolates me sometimes, but I find I can cope with that.

Ann, I agree. I'm reminded of one of my favorite Nietzsche quotes: Beware the man who is too eager to condemn and punish. I couldn't be alone all the time, nor would I want to, but at least there are no people problems.

I guess I have an entirely different experience because I hang out with autistics so much. I am actually really social and, as a result of being exposed to the ASD community, have become a lot more confident socially with all types of people. However, I used to be a hermit; I spent 2 years pretty much going to school, not socializing with anyone there, coming straight home, and sitting in my room. Now, I wouldn't want to have this kind of life at any cost. People can be enjoyable and it's extremely fulfilling to make a difference in other people's lives as much as possible. I am very rigid socially and ask people to only interact with me in certain ways; I also modify my own environment a lot and speak up against anything I dislike. But I think people like me a lot because I am generally a positive person and genuinely enjoy life. People can sense this kind of energy and they gravitate toward it.