Going from one form of "self"to the other

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I think you are completely right. It is exhausting to stay in mature mode all the time, it really is. I noticed that even my voice and speech patterns change in mature mode and become a bit more formal, well articulated and a bit stiff and my voice gets just slightly deeper too. So I think this must be more of a learned behavior which activates the intellectual side and fits into society much better. I had to master it to get through school since I was in regular schools. And because of my dad's job we moved every few years so I had to really learn to adapt to every new situation quickly, We did not really have friends that we grew up with, maybe one or two who worked with my dad but their kids were boys so if I wanted any chance at making some kind of friends I had to fit in and be able to do that every time we moved. And we were always pushed to excel in school so I had to learn to engage the intellectual side. But you are right about how things don't always make sense if you stay in mature mode too long. I never realized that until I just read your post. But that really feels true. And I am right brain dominant so my emotional makeup is a huge part of me.

But you are so right, it can really wear you out to have to do that all the time. I love the kid side because it really feels like a break and when I get that way especially with the one person in my family who understands it and accepts it, I can really really relax and it helps me rejuvenate for the next bout of mature self.

Qawer, I have to say, I am so glad you know what I am talking about and that you have this too. You can't even imagine, or maybe you can but it's so refreshing to find that someone else gets it. Even if other people are "okay" with it when I tell them I have this, I think that sometimes they are only "okay" with it to a point because they don't understand that it is actually real. And only a few of them are actually okay with it. Most people if I mention it to them don't believe me because all they ever see is the mature side. But it does take a lot of trust for the kid side to let itself be shown. People treat you mean sometimes when you act this way so I have learned to keep it "safe" and hidden unless I really trust the person. I think there is only one people who has ever really seen me in that mode. Many people catch glimpses because it is impossible to hide it completely but only one person has ever come close to seeing it fully.

Skibum, I feel so too. I can imagine (: I'm very rarely convinced that people feel the same way I do, but I'm convinced you do.

People mostly disrespect the "kid". That's why I find it difficult to love many people - because they don't like/respect the person you truly are. When in "mature"-mode I can sometimes feel I like people that would nok like the little kid - but not really after all. I'm never really going to fully love them because they don't truly love the real me. I suppose you've also been hurt quite a lot previously when we did not know how to compensate intellectually/academically.

You're right, they don't actually understand it.

Cannot help but smile when you say it's impossible to completely hide it. Know what you mean. Very mature and clever, but the kid is just underneath (;

Out of curiosity, are you a pattern/analytic, math/music thinker like me? Careful with trying/doing new things?

I completely understand.

I think people get confused and a bit nervous when they catch the kid side of me sometimes. I think they don't know what to do with it because they see that I am intelligent and educated and an adult. But I am different from you in the sense that I still fully manage to love people. I have been told that I lack certain filters that other people use as shields and that may be part of that. And if I love someone it is very difficult for me not to love them, even if they hurt me. I have definitely been hurt a lot but I think that has also taught me to have a lot of compassion on others.

I just had a giggle when I read how you said it makes you smile when I say it's impossible to hide the kid completely. It's so refreshing that you get that! :0)

I am a very interesting mix. I am good at music but complete rubbish at math. And to continue a running joke which has made its way through a couple of threads, I definitely can't count cards at all! I like trying new things and am not really overly cautious, I can throw myself into them especially things like sports or musical things. Things like life skills as far as managing household kind of skills or some marriage relationship skills, I have a much harder time with. It's not that I don't want to try I just have a much harder time understanding them. I have also been told that I tend to over think and over analyze way too much. And that I know is definitively true. But in many ways I am right brain dominant so my emotions run very very deep. So I guess I am kind of an interesting mix.