02 Oct 2013, 12:36 pm
Thelibrarian wrote:
I hope you change your mind on the job thing for the simple reason that I can't think of any job more important than raising the next generation. As far as society goes, I understand the power of peer pressure and such. But when society expects women to put a career over their own children, I think society is wrong.
I don't have to work but I prefer to. My husband would not get married without a prenup. I guess I was so desperate to feel like a worthy normal lovable human being that I agreed to a pretty crappy contract and I didn't want him to think I was just another golddigger. He trusts me, but that paper has never made me feel 100% comfortable in our marriage. I sacrificed my feelings of trust for the sake of his.
Thelibrarian wrote:
As far as your mother-in-law invading your space, again, you are right to feel that way. It is your home; she has her own.
The home I moved into was my husband's premarital home. Prior to me, he had almost 2 other women slotted in (my stepdaughter's mother who never moved in--an ongoing disaster, then a subsequent girlfriend/fiancee who obviously didn't work out). The only constant other humans beside my husband were my stepdaughter and mother-in-law, and she was doing most of the childcare while my husband was out doing his "things". So she now feels that any of my stepdaughter's emotional problems are because I pushed her (my mother-in-law) out, and of course stepdaughter would be perfectly normal (and of course in MIL's image!) if I weren't around
Thelibrarian wrote:
I'm not sure what to tell you about your husband. I'm guessing he would defend your honor if you were physically attacked, or even if somebody insulted you. If not, I would take a pretty dim view of that personally. It should be the same with your mother-in-law.
This I do know he would do. But he would only defend me against predators that are not part of his family. He does sometimes defend my character to his mother, but he will not make any real stand against her.
02 Oct 2013, 12:38 pm
skibum wrote:
gretchyn wrote:
Well I don't know about everyone else, but now I really want to know what her name is, if you're able to type it without too much discomfort! 
:
Me too, I am totally curious now. :
Her name is - LYUDMILA
:: gag ::
Thelibrarian
Veteran
Joined: 5 Aug 2012
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,948
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
02 Oct 2013, 12:47 pm
mikassyna wrote:
Thelibrarian wrote:
I hope you change your mind on the job thing for the simple reason that I can't think of any job more important than raising the next generation. As far as society goes, I understand the power of peer pressure and such. But when society expects women to put a career over their own children, I think society is wrong.
I don't have to work but I prefer to. My husband would not get married without a prenup. I guess I was so desperate to feel like a worthy normal lovable human being that I agreed to a pretty crappy contract and I didn't want him to think I was just another golddigger. He trusts me, but that paper has never made me feel 100% comfortable in our marriage. I sacrificed my feelings of trust for the sake of his.
Thelibrarian wrote:
As far as your mother-in-law invading your space, again, you are right to feel that way. It is your home; she has her own.
The home I moved into was my husband's premarital home. Prior to me, he had almost 2 other women slotted in (my stepdaughter's mother who never moved in--an ongoing disaster, then a subsequent girlfriend/fiancee who obviously didn't work out). The only constant other humans beside my husband were my stepdaughter and mother-in-law, and she was doing most of the childcare while my husband was out doing his "things". So she now feels that any of my stepdaughter's emotional problems are because I pushed her (my mother-in-law) out, and of course stepdaughter would be perfectly normal (and of course in MIL's image!) if I weren't around
Thelibrarian wrote:
I'm not sure what to tell you about your husband. I'm guessing he would defend your honor if you were physically attacked, or even if somebody insulted you. If not, I would take a pretty dim view of that personally. It should be the same with your mother-in-law.
This I do know he would do. But he would only defend me against predators that are not part of his family. He does sometimes defend my character to his mother, but he will not make any real stand against her.
This situation is most unfortunate. I think a good part of the problem is current divorce laws. If I were to get married, I too would have to ask for a prenup, as did my NYC girl. Here is why: I worked my entire life to buy my ranch. If I got divorced, I would likely lose at least half of it, if not the whole thing, as the woman usually gets the house and such if children are involved. So, I would put at risk something I worked my entire life for. For me, it's another reason not to get married.
Divorce laws need to recognize that property obtained during the marriage should be the only property at issue in divorce proceedings. I realize this doesn't help you much, as there is nothing we can do. But maybe understanding the situation will help you feel better. It may be the case that your husband is simply doing what he thinks best under unjust laws.
Under the circumstances, you are probably wise to keep working, especially if your prenup excludes property acquired during the marriage. You are smart for protecting yourself.
