Depression and Aspergers

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I know that "worthlessness" is a depression signifier but I don't think I get it.

I get:
Total absence of motivation
Leaden body and soul
Suicidal ideation from mild to extreme
Exhaustion
Extreme irritability
Inability to process basic information
Inability to "experience"
Loss of those things previously enjoyed
Inability to care for self or environment
Guilt

As someone else has implied: depressives are incredibly boring. We live in the stench of our own sour air, and corrupt the experience of all around us. We can suck the joy out of any and everything.

You say you have a dx for depression and anxiety but not for ASD. You considered pushing for an ASD dx? I think there is a lot of overlap between symptoms of depression and those of ASD. And there is the question of where the depression comes from. I've never felt content with a dx of depression. I ask "why". Why am I depressed, where has it come from? Which is why i am pushing for an ASD dx - it would answer so many questions, and with knowledge comes the potential for understanding.

Have a look at Dorothy Rowe: Depression, the way out of your prison. On Amazon for a penny. The Bell Jar is worth reading also.

It is ok sweetheart, I don't worry about things like people derailing threads. I am the queen of tangents, if someone else doesn't derail I will derail it myself at some point! It's not a problem.

I am banned from some groups on some sites because my posting style is irritating and my opinions are controversial apparently. I question the status quo, I don't think this goes down well. They usually prefer it when everyone just blindly agrees with the ruling powers that be (usually the social queen bee).

Very similar to what I get.

I will look into the books although I am not usually a fan of self help books I admit.

Right now I don't have the energy or the motivation to even move (other than to take my chicken out of the oven...I rarely lose my appetite when I depressed, I just try not to cry all over my food instead). I just don't see why I bother.

Nearly 40, no friends, no family, no partner or lover or boyfriend, not even dates lately. No career no nothing.

Had academic ability...does not matter, people bullied me for what I could do and my own health stopped me from finishing a degree anyway.
Had other qualifications but they don;t matter anyway
Rarely drink, don't smoke, eat a healthy diet, weight lift at the gym...society still won;t give me any kind of a chance.
Went out chatted to people, no luck.

I am not a social butterfly....it doesn;t matter what ability I have or how loving or fair I am, I am still alone here.

Im also not a pretty girl. No one wants me.

Bullied relentlessly either about my ability or my looks (called ugly etc).

I mean I know i like my alone time but this is ridiculous.

I hate not having anyone at all. I just have visions of dying old and alone and no one finding my corpse until either my cats (which I don't have yet but will probably get) have eaten part of it or the smell drives someone to investigate.

I know that will happen to me. I can;t even find a friend in the real world let alone a partner to be with.

What is the point in even trying. Im not a social queen bee, nothing else matters to this society. Social stuff is all it cares about.

Dorothy Rowe's book is not self help as such. It's more a well written analysis of depression.

Bell Jar is a novelisation of Sylvia Plath's long descent...

I never finished my degree neither. I started it around 30 and lasted for half the course till my health packed up.

Are you drunk every time you post?

Where I come from they pronounce it like ''Asp-her-jer's''. It sounds such a weird word. I wish it was called ''Johnson's Syndrome'' or something. Why does the guy who discovered it have to have such a weird stupid cringing last name?

Joe90, I agree, being social makes me feel better. If only I ever experienced that and got excited about being social such that I'd make plans to be social. Alas I don't perceive that most of the time, just let me be a hermit. Obviously not all socializing makes me feel better, but in general it brings me out of myself such that I can't brood anymore. Makes me live in the moment, and the moment isn't likely to be painful if I'm active. Kinda like a headache. Even my worst ones are better when I'm busy.

Your description seems very accurate Doofy, at least as it describes my experiences.

I frankly believe depression, when it happens and you don't understand it, is a medical condition that we don't know enough about in order to resolve it or even tie it into physiology properly. It's got to be environmental to a large degree, probably some chemical or some such that's uber pervasive in all developed countries of the world, such that it seeps into the environment that isn't developed. (eg: BPA's in the artic) It's the only thing, to me, that makes sense as to why it's so damned pervasive but historically hasn't been. I don't for a minute believe, anymore, that it's a societal phenomenon, brought about by consumerism or lack of religion etc. If it were, then we wouldn't call it depression, we'd call it 'I'm upset because of x' and there'd ideally be social movements to solve these systemic problems.

I do see that there's a lot of overlap between ASD and depression. The only reason I still think that I'm not mildly on the AS is because I still think I was a pretty typical child. My personality changed dramatically when I became depressed. I am a very different person now than I once was.

I reckon depression is societal and environmental. It is a disease of the first world.

I reckon it attacks the more sensitive among us as we move further and further away from "nature". I doubt the chemical model - certainly I doubt the serotonin model.

Having said that, why does society neither acknowledge nor treat us? Because we are the runts of the litter and, like all runts, we are allowed to fester and die.

If society is to be judged on how it treats its weakest, then it fails abysmally. I think it was Gandhi who, when asked what he thought of western civilisation, replied that he thought it would be a very good idea.

I don't feel like a runt, I feel like society is an arse.