Help! Do I listen to my therapist, or do I remain Aspie?

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I've tried therapy multiple times, and get the same runaround. I've yet to hear any effective coping advice other than "push yourself". Most of my problems stem from pushing too hard, so it's an infuriating circle that I've given up.

I don't know Dude, I've read a lot of your posts and the picture you have been painting of yourself isn't the one you are describing in this post. You have always sounded like you want to get away from people. You keep using that word "script" every time you describe yourself being with people.

I think people that don't have Asperger's don't understand it well, no matter how educated they are. You see how every once in a while some study will come out saying that social people live longer because human bodies supposedly feed off the social experience. I've never seen a study like that with Aspies - I think the results would be the opposite.

You can always challenge yourself sometimes to meet new people - we all need to be able to fit in as much as possible because we all have to be out there sometimes whether we like it or not - and it can be rewarding sometimes. But that doesn't mean you can't be you!

Myself, I'm really just sick of trying to conform to something that I can't even comprehend. It's a stupid and worthless way to live! I wasted too much time already.

It sounds like your therapist has helped in certain ways, but doesn't fully understand you or the autism spectrum. I suggest looking for a new therapist, if that is something you're comfortable with. After my last therapist was a bust I had written off therapy in general for a while, but I'm glad I went back. I found a therapist who understands the way that I think, and most importantly, the reason why I am in therapy and what I hope to get out of it. She gets that it is NOT about "fixing" or "curing," it is about better understanding yourself and then using that knowledge to get what you want out of life. I have been to therapists where, when I tell them that I have no friends, they look at me with concern and say, "hmm, maybe we can find ways to increase your social participation." They wanted to fit me into an NT mindset and it just wasn't working. That sounds like what your current therapist is doing. Now I have a therapist who recognizes that I will always think and experience differently, and that this different way is not inherently worse than the NT way. I hope that you can find someone to better help you.

Autism is a neurological condition. You are what you are. You will always be a person who was diagnosed as being Autistic.

Autistics, however, in particular high functioning autistics, can "grow", learn new coping skills, new mannerisms, even new ways of thinking that help "normallize" behaviour.

I say be what you can be. Grow as much as you can. On days when you're feeling overwhelmed, don't destroy yourself. Learn to push yourself a little, but also do it within reason and know when you need to take it easy for a day (or two).

The fact you can still get overwhelmed by "normal" interaction and activity proves you're still dealing with autism. Just don't let it stop you from doing as much as YOU can do. (Not your therapist. YOU.)

You are not regressing. You are doing an excellent job of balancing.

Don't worry, trying to be like everyone else will make everything better!

Naturally, that's one reason why people with an ASD can end up in the Cuckoo's Nest (hey, been there).

Uhm....NO!

You learned what you needed to! This is great! Your therapist has done his/her job to help you fit in with NTs. (S)he cannot, however, change WHO you are! In fact, the very reason you get these therapies are to be able to learn to communicate with others more effectively. This isn't social anxiety, where if you don't get out, you WILL regress. This is a neurological difference. Besides, the goal of ANY therapy is to simply make you the best you can be. If you are at a point where you are happy and you learned how to better communicate, then WHAT is the issue?! This therapist should be ecstatic for you!

What he said. Could not have said it better. It took me far too long to work this out.

Print this thread off and bring it to your therapist. Because I cannot EVER visualize my therapist telling me that.

I can imagine hearing that from the idiots that almost killed me. I heard that from some stupid MSW student back in college-- her solution was that I should join a sorority!! I think that story is posted here on WP somewhere...

NT social butterflies aren't the only desirable, or even the most desirable, people. I have friends who seek me out because they find my introversion restful.

Ask him if he'd say the same thing if, instead of saying you were an Aspie, you said you were an introvert.

If he continues to argue that needing downtime is "regression," get a different therapist.

Before you find that you're losing the judgment to use the social skills you've learned and are suffering from anxiety and depression.

I wonder if socializing all the time (literally almost every day-- we had a really tight-knit group of friends in college) was the reason I was so damn anxious all the time back then. Maybe my husband is right, and things I have believed for a decade really AREN'T true...

Thank you all.

I think the bottom line is I need another therapist.

If I don't get time alone with my interests I can get seriously depressed after a while. Socialising is tiring and I need my rest time after a period of interacting with people. In all the years I have been alive, despite my pushing it and pushing it, that has never changed. All I keep doing is exhausting myself and pushing myself to the point of meltdown.

I wouldn't let your therapist push you into doing something you don't feel comfortable with.

This ^

If the OP's therapist is anything like the one I saw in high school, he will read this and smile and chuckle and say we are the same species as humans, not different species.

Exactly. My therapist would laugh at this and say that my "extreme narcissism" was causing me to "pathologize" my negative delusional patterns of behavior.

wouldn't you still be an aspie no matter what?

LOL - this reminds me of "Conversion Therapy" for sexual orientation.....