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Guy with Asperger's being "creepy" on FB

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woodster
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21 Nov 2013, 9:17 pm

melissa91 wrote:
woodster wrote:
im sure there are lots of options here ofc. could be straight out what u assume him to be. But aspies do quite often struggle to make friends and he could be trying too hard. to me aspie guys are like the male equivalent of that kind of girl that only has male friends. except where guys will accept a girl that only has male friends as a friend, females are too busy warding off male attention to accept platonic friendships from guys.


Well, this is a good point. I don't think he's necessarily flirting with me. It's more just crossing boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. I do think he is happily married and has no intention of cheating on his wife, but that doesn't mean his attention isn't uncomfortable to me. I have no desire to know quite that much about his cunnilingus prowess.

I do have platonic male friendships (I've mentioned it on another thread) and I actually have an easier time with men than women. I've even made friends with men who WERE interested in me, and I couldn't figure it out until they made it really obvious. As I said, I was fine with his comments before they got sexual but I think it's gotten to the point of being inappropriate.


ahhh. well a slight alteration to getting ur dad to talk to him, get your dad to comment about it on fb in public instead and make the comment disproving but not like he made an especially bad mistake. like, get someone to point out that kids could read it.

u could save the private message for if he doesnt get the message.



cyberdad
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21 Nov 2013, 11:40 pm

melissa91 wrote:
What do I do? My mom says I should unfriend him, but I don't want to fan the flames or cause drama (or have him start to message me incessantly asking why I blocked him). I've never even met him in real life!! ! I don't want to be intolerant or rude but his comments are making me uncomfortable, and I also don't want to embarrass him on FB by telling him that he's being inappropriate.


I'd listen to your mother on this one. The gentleman in question is married and is essentially trying to socialise with the daughter of one his old friends. In my view it's entirely inappropriate. The simplest thing would have been to ignore his posts and then if he persisted then block him. I'm not sure how you'd think he's be able to track you on FB? also not sure why you let this go on so long? are you secretly flattered by the attention?



Twolf
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21 Nov 2013, 11:57 pm

Unfriend and block.



cathylynn
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22 Nov 2013, 12:00 am

I would private message him and ask him to stop the sexual comments because they make you uncomfortable. could be all it takes. then, if he continues, unfriend.



Dillogic
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22 Nov 2013, 12:15 am

If he has AS:

He most likely doesn't know what's appropriate or not in most social contexts

So, it's up to you to say that it is to him. He won't learn otherwise.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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22 Nov 2013, 12:32 am

I understand letting it go on. You don't want a confrontation where it becomes worse. And I have struggled with OCD myself. It's kind of like the opposite side of the coin of me being an artist and writer. And even a remote risk, if I'm the one it might befall, feels different. And people who have not struggled with OCD may not understand this.

Your dad is a good potential resource provided he doesn't flip out and make things worse. I guess just steer a medium course with your dad.

Hopefully, he has the diplomatic skills just to be brief and matter-of-fact with the guy.



woodster
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22 Nov 2013, 12:51 am

cathylynn wrote:
I would private message him and ask him to stop the sexual comments because they make you uncomfortable. could be all it takes. then, if he continues, unfriend.


id agree with that. itd make me uncomfortable.



melissa91
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22 Nov 2013, 2:43 pm

cyberdad wrote:
melissa91 wrote:
What do I do? My mom says I should unfriend him, but I don't want to fan the flames or cause drama (or have him start to message me incessantly asking why I blocked him). I've never even met him in real life!! ! I don't want to be intolerant or rude but his comments are making me uncomfortable, and I also don't want to embarrass him on FB by telling him that he's being inappropriate.


I'd listen to your mother on this one. The gentleman in question is married and is essentially trying to socialise with the daughter of one his old friends. In my view it's entirely inappropriate. The simplest thing would have been to ignore his posts and then if he persisted then block him. I'm not sure how you'd think he's be able to track you on FB? also not sure why you let this go on so long? are you secretly flattered by the attention?


lol! Well, I am flattered by some male attention, but not this. It's just too weird. The reason I've let it go on this long is partially because I'm so afraid of confrontation. I've had many situations where a guy has been "stalking" me or making me uncomfortable, and I put up with it because I'm so scared of having an argument! I'm not sure if this is part of my OCD or what...



leafplant
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22 Nov 2013, 2:51 pm

just block him. If he is confused as to what has happened, I am sure his wife will be able to explain it to him



aaronzx
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22 Nov 2013, 2:51 pm

RollingPandaArt wrote:
I am sorry Melissa. I did not know you felt this way. I will stop posting on your page.


Hilarious!

Though this joke also has a deeper meaning. He probably doesn't know that what he is doing is inappropriate, so without communicating that to him he won't understand what the problem is.

Assuming he is an aspie, be as straight forward as possible and explain why his actions are inappropriate.



UndeadToaster
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22 Nov 2013, 3:06 pm

Maybe this is a stupid question, but does he do this to other people too?



OliveOilMom
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23 Nov 2013, 8:36 pm

Interesting first post. Welcome. I see that you have just joined. Why don't you come to the new member section and introduce yourself there?



invisiblesilent
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24 Nov 2013, 3:02 am

melissa91 wrote:
Well, this is a good point. I don't think he's necessarily flirting with me. It's more just crossing boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. I do think he is happily married and has no intention of cheating on his wife, but that doesn't mean his attention isn't uncomfortable to me. I have no desire to know quite that much about his cunnilingus prowess..


His cunnilingus prowess? That's absolutely well beyond the boundary. In many places if he persisted that kind of behaviour after being asked to desist then he would be arrested. Personally I would tell him to stop and immediately unfriend him. Tell him that if he attempts to contact you further you will show screenshots of the things he has been saying to his wife, children and colleagues as well as reporting him to the authorities. He'll soon stop.

edit: Unless they've been living in a cave completely alone then nobody gets to the age of having a wife etc without learning that's it's not appropriate to discuss explicit sexual topics without invitation with somebody with whom you do not have an intimate relationship and who has indicated no interest in having such a relationship. He knows exactly what he is doing - testing your boundaries to make you feel uncomfortable for his own gratification.



Camo
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24 Nov 2013, 6:03 am

Un-friend him, he needs to stop what he's doing..

I work colleague of mine friended my daughter who works with me every now and then, I had a chat with him the next week.. he smiled and said he saw her as family ... it was cool after that.

But this guy is stepping over the line and clearly has fixation / crush on you.

Get rid and think no more about it.
Also tell your dad ?

Stu


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