When people INSIST you don't have Aspergers...

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I have not said that to me because I am very recently diagnosed and have not shared but I do have experience with bullies. Bullies are good at a finding peoples weaknesses and exploiting them to destroy the victims self confidence. A "successful" bully will make the victim believe there is no way out. That as bad as the pain and humiliation the victim is feeling one move to free themselves will bring a crescendo of even worse pain so the only answer is to stay.

I do believe there are two types of bullies with this situation. The obvious ones who do it for the sadistic enjoyment. The ones who have a bullying mentality and are bullying but are in denial they truly believe they are helping people with "tough love". IMHO those are the ones that believe it is just lazy people making up excuses for something that does not exist or that it exists but is hyped up. While these types have always existed it has vastly increased in part because they see in the news of real criminal manipulation of government services to feed into that view.

No one has ever told me I didn't have Asperger's except two aunts and a counselor.
I wasn't offended; I thought that my two aunts couldn't possibly know Asperger's well enough to understand it and I didn't know what to think about that counselor's opinion, because back then two psychiatrists had diagnosed me with AS but this one said I didn't have AS but social anxiety.

In my 30's, I was told by a therapist that I wasn't on the spectrum and was "merely suffering from PTSD!" I then asked her to explain the decade of ASD behaviour and experiences that happened prior to the abusive incidents. She looked at me and said, "What do you mean?" I left right there and then and as I went through the door I simply asked her to think about it. I never went back.

I was told by my Uni's psyc department I may be autistic at the beginning of this year. A few weeks later I went to see the researcher who was responsible for bringing this to my attention, and she was kind of dismissive and made me feel like I was being pathetic and trying to get attention or something. I felt like I had been slapped. But I knew the few minutes she talked to me can't have been enough to determine anything.
I eventually went to see someone who was recommended to me by one of the autism places in my city. She diagnosed me as an aspie, or a level one autistic, as it is apparently now called, after conducting some actual tests on me, which she combined with the results of various other tests I took elsewhere.

I think that first person deals mainly with children, and maybe she does not have enough understanding about the fact that someone my age (46) has had time to learn to behave like is apparently expected. I know what goes on in my head, and the lengths I go to, to mask it. It is hard to explain without sounding like I am making up stuff to get attention, or something.

Just because someone is a professional, it does not mean they are necessarily going to get it right. It is a pity, but doctors don't generally seem to know enough about this. Even psychologists won't necessarily know, if they focus on something other than diagnosing AS people in your age group.

Now that I am diagnosed, I can say it with confidence, and doctors accept it, and so does everyone else, even if they still don't understand it. And I make a point of talking about it now, because ignorance abounds, and I feel like stirring up a bit of noise, because I feel I have suffered enough because of it. I don't mind a fight at my age, and I get to make others feel uncomfortable, if they ask for it, instead of the other way around.