em_tsuj wrote:
I am not told that. People just ignore me or act all offended. I think it is because they don't understand my communication. They miss interpret what I am saying and take it out of context. Just like I can't understand the hidden meaning behind how normal people talk, they can't understand what I am saying because they interpret it differently. I can't really explain it except that words don't really mean what they mean. There is always a hidden message attached to what we say, a message that people interpret. A lot of times, people don't even listen to the words. They just listen to the hidden message and react emotionally to that. The only thing I know to do is to follow the script. I learn the script for each situation that I am in, follow it, and keep my true personality to myself. I don't even let people who are close to me see who I really am because they always think I'm weird or crazy. I'm tired of being ridiculed, shunned, or yelled at because of miscommunications or people not liking my differentness. As long as I follow the script, people like me and I don't have any problems. Then I can go and be by myself where I am really comfortable.
This is how I feel, especially lately. It's like I can't ever be myself around anyone like I used to when I was younger. Most times I'm so automated in reciting the script that a lot of the time I do it even when I'm not in the mood. Makes me feel like a robot, but if I ever say or do what I really want to then I am automatically rejected or looked at funny. I just feel alien.
27 Dec 2013, 9:49 am
