We survived Christmas!! !

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Can't really say that I survived it, I went to couple of parties and felt very overwhelmed but I stayed anyway. Good thing that I plan to stay in and cook for New Year's Eve. I still have an invitation to a christening though, and I'm still trying to decide whether I should go or not. Worse comes to worst, I probably would say that I caught a cold or something. Honestly, I never understand this Christmas thing, why the hype? What's so special about Christmas? The only good thing about Christmas is just sales on stores, in my opinion. Other than that, I never understand why people want to enslave themselves cooking and preparing, plus the cleaning afterwards, to celebrate a day that doesn't look any different than other days. I hope I will be out of the country next year so that I don't have to deal with Christmas parties anymore.

Got through it!

Not quite yet for me, I'm afraid. One more thing that I am very much obligated to go to before I can call it over and done with. Just a couple hours tomorrow. I'm so tired.

I really thought my family were above the stereotypical bickering and fierce arguments but they're really not. I've got this brother who is usually sweet but some comments he makes are just really uncalled for.

I had a whole lot of them laugh at me about selective mutism because I tried to blend in with them and say I went mute whenever I want to talk to this guy I have a crush on, then they just made a big deal about my lack of talking and I was surprised because I talk to them more than I ever had. The fools don't even know what selective mutism really is and how I had that bad from the ages 5-14.
It was just this silly social game where you answer questions off a card to get into a conversation. I couldn't do it properly. It was hard to think of what to say and to keep talking and talking like everyone did. And then when I could keep going the next person just took their turn. I just don't f***ing understand how I'm supposed to talk properly.

I used to hang out with the kids but the older they get the less they share what they talk about with me. I should just get into Batman and Ben 10 again so I can talk to my very obviously HFA 4 year old nephew.

I also got the impression that a few of the adults with kids would never consider getting their kids diagnosed with a neurological disorder, not even dyslexia. These people know my story. What do they think about me? Do they think without these diagnoses that I would have been able to make it in the world at all?

I didn't have that much sensory sensitivity and that was my main worry.

It's over for me now. i've been on the edge of meltdown the past 24 hours. it was too much. small apartment with eight other loud excitable people. i try to explain to them, have tried in the past, what that can be like for me. they're my family, after all. They say they understand. but on an occasion like this, do they take any precaution to keep their voices below a moderate shout? no. Laughing like... like hyenas. i was only there 10 minutes before i wanted to leave. i managed two hours. now home and i stimming like crazy. i can't do this anymore. i don't have the energy to survive it like i used to when i was younger.

Yes, Christmas is over for another year.
The way I feel is that this time of year could be likened to a horse race. A race where Christmas & New Year are the two BIG fences I need to jump over.

"And there is StarCity. He's galloping towards the 1st............ and he's over. The daily routine is disrupted but he holds on. Like a rodeo gripping at the reins, he approaches the 2nd fence."

I opt out of Christmas & New Year stuff, but the rest of the world doesn't. EVERYTHING stops for that period. The groups & clubs I attend. Services that I rely upon "grind to a halt". But I will prevail, just like I do EVERY year.