A dirty bathroom and a frustrated Me

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ewwwwwwww! Is there a place near-by with a washroom you can go to and use while you're over there, like a Mcdonalds or something?

I cleaned through my whole house today, before I did anything else.

I don't get visitors, but I'd be absolutely mortified if someone came here and my house was like a s**thole.

I'm not big on cleaning, and can let things get fairly manky because I just don't really notice until I think, "ugh!". I also hate having anyone else in my flat, so visitors are rare and, if I'm honest, unwelcome. But if I absolutely can't avoid having someone over, I will always clean at least the bathroom so they can use it without feeling uncomfortable or grossed out. Not to do that would seem very rude to me. (I do try and clean anywhere else they might be too. But the bathroom is the most important, and comes first.)

Sadly, I have no idea what to suggest. I don't think there's any way you can tell them "your bathroom is filthy and grossing me out" that won't offend them. They may not even be aware of how utterly filthy it is - some people just seem comfortable with a level of grot that is incomprehensible even to slightly slovenly folks like me - but pointing it out to them is still a social minefield.

That seems like the best idea to me.

That's a difficult situation. If it's that bad, then probably they should know about that. Their other visitors may be feeling the same. So becoming aware of it would benefit them in that sense. Also bad hygiene might eventually cause some health issues to them themselves. While their hygiene at their own home is not other people's business, if you are close enough to them and if you are a regular visitor, then it shouldn't be too unreasonable to nicely raise that issue.

You could bring your bleach etc and just offer to do some cleaning. Depending on their personality, it might cause some embarrassment but you just do it nicely and not in a patronizing way.

I've actually had a "friend" who did that kind of thing (cleaning their places while visiting) for her friends (not for me as I'm not that filthy). She just couldn't stand dirty kitchens, bathrooms etc. She said she had never offended anyone by doing that.

Dont ask, if you think you can get away with it just do it. If you are female this is perfectly acceptable. My best friend used to insist I clean / help me clean so she could hang out with me. If you are male only do this if none of your friends are "bros" IYKWIM. If you do this unasked there are 3 responses: rejection, acceptance, or guilt. You could cause minor insult: not a big deal, they could just let you (less work for them), or they might feel bad and do it them selves later or even take over.

One of my friends in middleschool had a living room covered left, right, top and bottom with chihuahua s**t. I grabbed his broom and cleaned a path one day so I didnt have to tiptoe through it to go with him to check out his dad's lightsaber and AK collection. After that they retrained the dogs and eventually even cleaned the carpet and then further trained the dogs to use a litter basket, I was legitimately surprised.

That's my guess. They're certainly not inconsiderate.

I think that's part of why it bothers me. I can be overloaded by very detailed surroundings, if the details are chaotic, messy, unpredictable, or unidentifiable. A very busy environment I can tolerate just fine if it is patterned or predictable. But even an unpredictable pattern can bother me. Maybe somehow I have learned to associate clean, neat spaces with the mental relaxation of not having to constantly think so hard to interpret everything. I know I work and think better in an environment that is not cluttered. Right now the most messy part of my apartment is a jacket, three papers, two books, and a couple of pens that have gotten pushed off my desk and are lying scattered on the floor around it. That's usually the sort of mess that I can tolerate. Any messier, and it starts to interfere with my ability to think.

I think what happened with the bathroom is that the apartment is shared by housemates and nobody is responsible for cleaning it, nor is anybody bothered enough to take the initiative.

BTW, I did go to a new year's party there today, and I had fun despite the bathroom. I just kind of shut off my senses, didn't try to make sense of my surroundings. I got asked "are you okay" a few times because I had my eyes closed and my head down, because closing my eyes is a way to reduce sensory input, but I think that would have happened anyway. There were almost ten people there, though all nerdy and/or introverted. For me, that is still a major party. I'm completely tense and I'm probably not going to talk for a few days. But it was still fun.

Anyways, with the bathroom thing it's probably my best bet to talk to one of the guys, one that seems not to be too easily offended, and explain that I have a problem with the bathroom. I could cite my experience as a janitor (which I have; I've been a janitor twice) and offer to help them scrub it down.

I tend to be lazy about cleaning but in a way it seems not as bad in your own house because it's mostly your own germs and filth. In other people's houses who knows what gross things they have in there or what germs they have that you could be exposed to. I generally don't care if my house seems dirty to others because I very rarely have any visitors. I remember hearing many times while growing up and saying myself "if they don't like it they don't have to come here".

The time before last when I went to the mall the bathroom was so gross I couldn't use it. One stall had brown smears all over the seat and on the floor. Another toilet was full of paper. I gave up and waited until I got home. Right after I saw that and was leaving they closed the bathroom to clean it.