I Hate my Brain: 49 y/o, borderline PD, now this??

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Re: the music thing... I'm diagnosed autistic, and my background is in classical music (oboe performance) - so yes, there are definitely musical autistics out there! And I've seen it speculated that Mozart showed some autistic traits too.

The intense social anxiety, which further murders social skills and activates an intense, crippling fear and loathing of rejection, because that's what tends to happen to me, even though I am middle-aged.

That's what's incompatible with a sober, satisfying kind of life.