for those with AS/HFA: were you born mild or did you adapt?

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I think mild is the wrong word. Being anywhere on the spectrum makes your life a lot harder. It disables you. Perhaps mild refers to how disabled you are compared to other people on the spectrum. In that case, you can say that I was born mild, and I continue to adapt as I get older. However, if you compare me to people who have no diagnosis or people with other mental problems, I am far from mild, always have been. Even bipolar people and some people with schizophrenia understand social rules and can get along with people when they are not psychotic. OCD people and people with social anxiety disorder can function way better than I can socially and they don't have the same issues with attention or being super-sensitive to everything. I have a lot of diagnoses, but this one is the one I hate the most because there is nothing you can do about it and it exacerbates my other issues and makes it harder to get treatment for my other issues. It sucks, and I am definitely in the "mild" range.

I have always been mild. I am skeptical when anyone claims to be mild but yet seems more affected by it than me and say how exhausting it is. I do believe people can get mild since functioning levels change when the person gets older. I had more trouble as a kid but outgrew lot of it and I didn't even realize then how harder my life was so it never exhausted me or made me unhappy until I decided to try and be normal and be like everyone else and be treated like everyone else which was puberty and I was ten. Also I was a kid then so it wasn't that much harder since much isn't expected out of you when you're young. I would say it got harder when I got to my pre teens because social rules change and so do expectations and kids change too at that age and I was stuck behind so it made it hard for me and depressed and even school work got hard too I was starting to fail and get Cs and then Fs in 7th grade until i started getting help with it.

Once I quit trying to fit in and be like everyone else or trying to have friends, I was happier and my life wasn't so hard anymore nor exhausting. Wouldn't anyone be exhausted if they made themselves do things they were not into? I had nothing in common with my peers and I have always found social chit chat boring and trying to fit in didn't make me popular or get me more friends or impress anyone. I may just be an introvert.

I always did fine with other people just as long as it was something I wanted to do and it went my way. I realize I never really outgrew the need to be in control, I just handle it differently now. I now walk away than trying to direct traffic and getting all upset and having anxiety. That way I am not being a b***h or being bossy and everyone is happy and I don't make enemies that way. I did pretend play, I looked at my mother when I spoke to her but I wouldn't look at anyone else, I had my tantrums when I was little and did my manipulation like all kids do, I had OCD behavior like my food needing to be served in the same order, taking a certain step when entering each room, playing with my toys the same way, I didn't welcome change in any new environment so I would get upset if my teacher tried to change something in her classroom when I was new but she never gave in and I eventually got used to being there and started to welcome the change. I didn't like change at home either like if I saw a book somewhere I wanted it back in that same spot. I still made new friends by going over to their house and asking if they could play and they came over to my house. Kids would normally come to me at school so that was how I made friends. Now they would be considered an acquaintance. I could tie my shoes at age six ad ride a bike at that age too and I learned to zip zippers when I was about five so I don't know how I got mild to moderate dyspraxia or how my motor skills were considered bad. I think my sensory issues were considered an impairment because it made it hard for my mom to shop for me for clothes and I had to try everything on first before she got them and I bet that made in inconvenient for her so therefore an impairment I am guessing. Also it would make me a target at school for bulling because of what I would wear also an impairment I am guessing or else why would it impair me if I was fine?
But I have always loved surprises because they would excite me. I remember coming back from a field trip with my class when I was seven and there was junk all over the room left by my teacher's imaginary creatures Pat and Mike. They left a few more surprises and then they were no longer around because the teacher said they were causing too many problems for the class. I was so disappointed because the excitement had to end and I loved the surprises they left us. I also loved getting Christmas and birthday presents and I loved when we did Easter at school. If it's something I like, the surprise doesn't bother me. That's why I think I have always been mild and I was never a textbook case of AS because of these NT things I had. I also copied other kids too and I found out that is what all kids do because that is how they learn social skills and they also model after their parents but for me it still seemed to cause me issues for everyone else because my behavior I did was always learned so my parents had to figure out first what caused it and it always helped me through situations and made it all easier even though I didn't understand. I know it can't possibly be like this for other kids or it wouldn't have give them trouble and my parents wouldn't have not wanted me in a special school for kids with learning disorders. But even normal kids copy other kids too, they call it peer pressure so it was pretty normal what I did eve though it was just be trying to figure out the rules and how to act and it would get confusing at times because kids knew when to stop and I didn't so my mom would tell me it was okay in that situation but not okay in other situations or it was okay that one time but it's not okay every time and I would stop. But yet I was still considered as having poor social skills. I could always stop my stimming when told to stop. Back then I just thought they were habits. I could wear the same clothes every day or the same outfit all the time if my mother let me but she didn't so I didn't do it. I never threw a tantrum over it either or it would have given me a consequence for acting like a baby. I also never had lot of toys based on my interests because my mom didn't spoil me and I never asked my dad for them because I never thought of it like most kids do. My NT brother didn't either but my other one did and he only did it over little things like a piece of candy or something so he always went to the store with him when he had to get his pictures developed or to pick them up because he knew he would get something from the store. I also tested my limits and I also did it to see if any rules were still the same or see if they applied to me too or to see what the rules were and what I could do and couldn't do.

I have always been told I had very little of AS. I had a hard time believing it then because of how hard it was but I didn't even know what it was so I didn't know how it affected other kids with it who had more than me. Then I would have realized I had it better compared to them and my life was easier compared to theirs and I wasn't as limited. I suspect now there was this boy in my school I knew and he may have had it and I always knew he was different and I swore he was like an alien because he couldn't understand anything that got explained to him so I knew he had something wrong with his brain despite looking normal. He may have been severe even though he only showed very bad social deficits, not any other autistic behavior and he wore jeans while I hated them but that is why they call it a spectrum. He could have been PDD-NOS or Social Communication Disorder with sensory issues sense he always yelled "don't" when touched. Every time he talked, it always sounded like he was whining which is another sign of AS because their tone is off and it stays the same. He also needed help with his school work and he was literal. He never smiled except for in his school pictures. He was worse off than me and I would be shocked if they said he was mild. I would think they maybe mean now than when he was a child because I wouldn't consider him mild in his childhood since he was more affected by it than me and had more social deficits. If I would have know then he had it and knew what it was, then I would have understood how I had very little of it and I bet that would have made me happy instead of just feeling confused and finding it hard to believe because I assumed if I had very little of it, I wouldn't be "broken" or have that many struggles in school or be so different. Of course no matter how mild you have it, you will still be affected by it. Mild doesn't mean no affects and no symptoms or there would be no label and no help for them. It's like being sick with cancer and being told you have very little of it because you don't realize how worse other people with it have it so you feel you are being told your cancer is no big deal and who cares how much it affects you and if you are in pain.

Neither, I grew up in my way with my traits.

I was born this way as far as I can tell. I always knew for most things I had to try much harder to do what most people SEEMED to do easily. And even then the results often were not as good. The activities I am worst at have always been the ones "society" has deemed most important. Adapting means something like only having to try twice as hard compared to five times as hard.

Accepting which happened in a big way in my 20's and happened in another big dose with my diagnosis last year means not bothering with things I am bad at. But a lot of things are unavoidable.

Mild? Damm mild to let's say living in a war zone and a million other horrid situations that people find themselves that I do not need to deal with.

Well, I spoke and reached most of my milestones on time or early but at the same time there was very obviously something wrong with me as a child. Nowadays, people might be able to tell there's something a bit off about me because I sometimes smile inappropriately and generally smile and laugh too frequently or because I have an awkward gait or some other little thing like that. As a child, I'd go around everywhere twirling a string in front of my eyes (with my face screwed up like a bunny rabbit's) constantly and sometimes walk in circles and talk to myself or flap my hands. In preschool my mum was told that I had strange behaviours and appeared to be in my own world. The first WEEK into kindergarten my J.K. teacher arranged for me to have a neurological assessment because of crappy motor skills and strange behaviour. In class I'd rip paper into long tapering strips and twirl those in-front of my eyes for want of string. The paper didn't always have the right feel so I would keep ripping strips of paper , twisting and twirling them and then ripping new ones until I had one that felt just right. I did this IN CLASS so my primary school report cards say things like "constantly rips paper and plays with it and goes off into her own world" and "makes strange noises during class". I''d also wander off from places that were too crowded and noisy like the lunch room at school or the field where I was supposed to be playing soccer baseball with my primary school class ect. Apparently I'd just throw down my coat in the middle of the field and then wander away. I threw a huge tantrum when my bin of school stuff and my desk was moved. My reports also said I got "very anxious and upset when routines were changed". I got really agitated when my mum took me out anywhere crowded and noisy like to an amusement park or festival and didn't like doing most of the things my age did like watching T.V. or Disney movies. Then when I was a bit older I'd go up to strangers and ask inappropriate questions. Loud, obnoxious and obvious I was.

I didn't start talking till I was around 3 1/2, but other than that I pretty much reached all of my milestones on time. I remember that as a kid, no one at school ever seemed to notice that there was anything different about me except that I was "kind of an oddball", as one teacher liked to put it. Other than a couple of sensory issues, I was pretty much fine up until around 6th grade. Since then I feel like I haven't really improved much thanks to having basically no support from my friends and family.

That reminds me that the only things my teacher gave feedback on with me was that I was pretty quiet and that she thought I kept to myself too much of the time. And when I got older she thought I didn't have any hobbies. Apparently reading and writing, which I did a lot in my spare time, didn't count, because it wasn't done with other children and it wasn't organized..
Of course I didn't stim, never had any meltdowns and my only sensory issue is food, so I was pretty invisible; in fact I was so easily forgotten I was nearly locked in a classroom once.

It doesnt work that way.

You dont start out low functioning autistic, and learn to be high functioning autistic, anymore than you can start out high functioning autistic and 'graducate' to being NT.

You are what you are.

Though individuals vary in how the cope, and adapt to what they are.

I don't consider my differences handicaps except perhaps when dealing with NTs that expect certain behaviours. That said, I was different from my earliest memories, and had so much trouble 'they' diagnosed me as ret*d when I was in 2nd grade because I couldn't read at all. Nearly got tossed into remedial education. Grade 4 I couldn't write, and again, nearly wound up in the educational dustbin.

I fought on, learned to compensate best I could, found work that some of my traits were ideally suited for, and went on with life. Yes, got fired from a bunch of jobs for NOT fitting in. Even got married. That didn't go so well either.

Last year a friend of mine started gently talking about Autism and Aspergers. She has a 25 year old daughter on the spectrum. Her daughter and I have so much in common that she gently suggested it might be the case for me as well. Her daughter was unofficially diagnosed but they were pretty certain, so much so that when she was slugging it out with college, they wouldn't talk to her about it without an official diagnosis. I remember the hell I went through with school and so late last year I found someone locally who dealt with adult women on the spectrum and my GFs daughter and I started seeing her.

We were both officially diagnosed Friday the 10th.

We both have built up various levels of coping skills best we can, but it doesn't change the way our brains work or are structured. We're not disordered as much as different.

Case in point, you can spend fifty pages and several days trying to teach me how to do something, at the end of which I'll be even more frustrated, upset and feel like you've wasted my time. OR you can show me in ten minutes what needs to be done and I'll be able to repeat those steps and get things done. No paperwork or days of frustration and pain required. We work differently than the majority of the rest of the world does. When that gets taken into account we can be quite brilliant and even gifted.

Mild? Based on what? Hiding? Heck yeah. I used to get beaten, belittled and berated for breathing, let alone flapping or any of the other traits I tended to express. So I learned to avoid pain by not flapping when others were around. I'm 49 years old and I still flap. Just not when people are around. I have other things I do when people are around.