"Get out there and meet people through groups!"

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I get out there most days as I either go to the gym or head up the coast if I have the bus fare. I also visit a number of libraries and museums whilst I am out and about. Nothing really seems to happen. The only people who speak to me seem to be old biddies at a bus stop and the conversation is usually about the weather.

I will approach people myself by asking them questions but this does not amount to anything either, other than the information I asked for which I may or may not already know (depends why I am asking...do I actually want the information or am I asking just to try and make chit chat...it is the only way I know how to start a conversation with someone other than to stand next to them and make a random comment about something...which doesn't seem to work either).

The last time I had friends I was at college and I only made friend with them because my grade average got around and they used to come and ask me for help with the work. They seemed to find me quirky but amusing and would occasionally ask me round to their house or to go out with them. The friendships ended when the college course did though as everyone went their separate ways. It also does not help that I can be elusive socially. I don't seem to make the effort to stay in touch with people even if I like them sometimes. I get distracted by my hobbies I think. I don't know why. I am odd. Even if I do get an invite to go out, I won't always take it. You would think with my being so lonely at times I would, but I don't especially if it is short notice or sudden. I also won't answer the phone or door if someone just drops by unexpectedly (most of the time unless I am already sat here in social mode...but not if I am in hobby mode or get the house work done mode or concentrate on my shopping mode...I don't appreciate the distraction).

I am strange.

Talking to people is incredibly exhausting to me. I can list exactly 2 people who do not completely wear me out from a whole day of hanging out with them. One moreso than the other though.

Whenever people tell me I need to get out more I tell them to *BLEEP* off.

It assumes that you actually have some way or means to "get out there" and the only way I see to do it is by doing things I am not interested in. I think most people meet other people through work or school or church, or by going to bars or sporting events, or by taking classes or doing group activities like hiking or yoga.

I have done things in the past I was interested in, and I was able to meet people and interact with them just fine, but it wasn't ever a really good thing for me in the long run. I used to go to concerts and I'd meet people and hang out with them but they usually turned out to be a**holes after I got to know them better. I ended up realizing I was a lot happier just going to a concert by myself and not talking to anyone there. I've mostly lost interest in it though because it can be tiresome to sit through a long concert, especially if it is loud.

I used to participate in musical groups, but there was always a lot of drama and gossip going on with those people. They were always nice to me but kind of phony and snobby about it and I didn't enjoy talking with any of them.

I just don't want to leave my house that much anyway. I want someone around who will spend time with me at home and then maybe we can go out together once in awhile, just the two of us without having to be part of some stupid group activity, and without having a network of friends and acquaintances poking their noses in our business.

I just don't know how to actually find that person, if such a person even exists, so that is why people say, "get out there and meet people" but in my experience it does NOT work that way.

Last edited by dianthus on 27 Jan 2014, 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

When I was fourteen I got rejected by two groups of people within seconds of wanting to hang around with them. On a night we used to meet up in two caravans and one time I was told by two groups that I should go to the other caravan because my best mate wasn’t hanging with them that night. I’m not ashamed to say that I bawled my eyes out that night.

Ten years later I’m now 24 with the best group of friends that anyone could really ask for. We go on walks together, go drinking, hang out, eat at nice restaurants and generally have a great laugh. I suppose I am one of the lucky ones but I do know what it’s like to be rejected big time and it bloody hurts. However I’m glad I lived through that horrible experience so I can share a story which might give others hopes for their life.

At the moment there is a person who has severe learning difficulties and wants to hang around with me on a weekend. However he’s not suitable for me or my group of friends and he certainly isn’t likeable so we ran away from him. I wish this person well and I hope he can find a group of friends one day (like I have done) that he can truly get on with.

Thing is you’ve just got to hang in there and have that faith that you will find good company to share your life with. If people tell you to go away then it’s for the best and you can both move on with your lives.

I'm pretty sure she was wanting to avoid you trying to date her. If you just want friendship, you're better off approaching someone of the same gender, because heteronormative stereotypes dictate that opposite gender 'friendship' is always a prelude to romance and same-gender friendship never is.

I'm pretty sure she was wanting to avoid you trying to date her. If you just want friendship, you're better off approaching someone of the same gender, because heteronormative stereotypes dictate that opposite gender 'friendship' is always a prelude to romance and same-gender friendship never is.

You could try training yourself to start enjoying being alone with your computer. Ever since I locked my door and started living in my dark cold room all by myself my life has been stress free and WAY BETTER!

I mean I hang out with people but I would be fine without them.