Do you find most of your friends are introverts?

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Because you stated the obvious in response to something I made up to challenge a feel-good cliche. It wasn't a belief or a fact. It was supposed to illustrate how dumb and easily pulled out of one's arse some of the ideas out there about introverts and extroverts are.



But you did say that they stick to being close to one group at a time, which is not the close, long-term friendships I said they can and often do have. Perhaps you don't know your friends as well as you think if you believe that they only want to focus on groups and shift their focus between them, or you're talking to people who don't want close, lasting friendships for reasons that don't have anything to do with extroversion.



Again, I was saying why the common belief that introverts are closer to their friends than extroverts because they have fewer and therefore spend more time and energy on them is false.

ex. If I spend all my energy on one garden while my neighbors spend their energy on two gardens plus volunteer to tend to the city gardens, I don't necessarily care more about my garden which is also not necessarily a better garden. Saying that I do would be an assumption that serves only to make me feel better about my one garden and makes me look like an idiot when I talk about how my one garden is in comparison to my neighbor's.

Last edited by coffeebean on 29 Jan 2014, 8:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I wouldn't say that they are introverts.

My neurotypical friends are either very nerdy, very otaku, or both.

My autistic friends appear to be introverted, and sometimes are.

I tend to be friends with people who go the extra distance to reach out to me to be friends with me. Those ofcourse are extraverts. The opposite of me.

It was rude anyway and I didn't like it.


Did you really intended me to understand that without you saying explicitly? That's an autism forum!
Also my views are based on intense observation of at least 100 people (actually it's more like 200, depending on the level of analysis), not pulled out of the arse.


The two are not opposites. What I observe is that extroverts are closer to one group or another depending on the period. Let's make a model to illustrate it: extrovert girl has 6 friends. Sometimes she's closer to A and B, sometimes she's closer to C and D, sometimes she's closer to E, sometimes she's closer to A and F and so on. In this time she has had 7 close long-term relationships, each time closer to one friend or group or another.
If that's not what you observe, then why not consider some factors: (very) different culture, different geographic place, different people etc
But that's what I observe.



Yes I do.


As explained in the model, it's not only focusing in groups or not having close friends.

I never meant to be in an argument... Now we understand what each other mean, if it's different, then fine.

I probably have more friends who are introverted but I don't think that that is what has drawn us together.

The common denominator with all of my friends is that they have had problems fitting in, or growing up, or accepting themselves, just like I have. Some have had mental health problems, some are geeks and some are just lonely.

People who know just who they are, where they belong and where they want to go in life tend not to have much time for me. Nor do people who have large, close families - I've found that they never know what it's like to be lonely and therefore don't keep in touch as often as I would like.

Interestingly, I have this thing as well. My best friend and I often wonder how did we became besties in the first place. We have different interests and circles of friends (I tend to hang out with nerds, her friends are stereotypically girly girls who are more extroverted) and yet years later, our friendship has remained the strongest. She did observe that neither of us particularly fit in a group, and this isolation probably brought us together.

I share your sentiments about people with close families they totally belong to. I've never had such fulfilling family connections and envy those, who despite being proud, shallow and snobbish to most of the world, are able to sustain a meaningful relationship for years.

0 friends so. nope that not really a problem i got.

I have two close friends. One's an introvert and one's an extrovert.

I'm introverted, but most of my friends are extroverts. They do most of the talking and I throw in an occasional dry remark to keep the conversation moving, laugh along, etc.

I usually have a hard time hanging around another introvert since it is almost impossible to keep a conversation going. Just my experience.

My two close friends at the moment would consider themselves introverts, yes. One has just started to take measures to improve his social skills, and so far, it's been working well for him. I hear more stories about him meeting girls and working out with his new buds.
I am, of course, as excited as he is about his newly discovered "life"-I just hope he doesn't start ignoring me in the process.

I've been best friends with friend #2 since third grade. We became friends because we preferred to play with only each other, instead of mingling in groups on the playground. Although she can read and emphasize with people more easily than I can, she doesn't appear to have many more friends. I know she suffers from social anxiety since she admitted to rehearsing what she says on the phone before she calls me. I don't hold this against her since I suffer from social anxiety myself.

I do have a German friend who's definitely an extrovert, but we haven't talked in a while now. I know she still considers me a friend, but we just haven't been as close as we used to be. This is probably my fault; being too scared to approach her again due to social anxiety. Oh well, I'll muster the courage someday...

All the kids I knew in school up til recently were asd or similar. I was never really actual friends with any of them or spent time with them outside of school except for the occasional b-day party and such. Even with "my own kind" I don't connect very well with. The only actual friend I have is an NT extrovert and popular in school. He looks after me at school now that I'm in public school. I bet he'll end up becoming a nurse or something like that. He's that kind of person, very Florence Nightingale

This sounds similar to my experiences as well, especially growing up. I was never accepted by "normal kids". This problem became more pronounced when I was in Middle School and High School. I made a few attempts, but was unsuccessful. I was generally quite "attracted" to the extroverts, as I wanted to become just like them (i.e. having the skill to converse in an effortless manner).

As I think about it, why would a "normal" kid want to become friends with someone like me. I remember thinking that I was some sort of pariah (I would use the term "social pariah" today). And, probably, this is why I was teased/bullied. As it was acceptable (and possibly expected) to pick on someone like me.

Interestingly, though not altogether surprisingly, this pattern continues to this day. The 2 or 3 people I consider friends, are the same way.
-- One is a friend of > 40 years. We knew each other as kids. He is introverted. He is my age and still living with his parents.
-- One is the nicest person in the world. He is very extroverted. But, he is not very smart (i.e. he is quite clueless about the world). He actually is more friends with my wife than me.
-- One is quite narcissistic (it is always about him). He actually dated my wife, before we became a couple over 25 years ago.

Unlike others in this thread, I would not consider any of them close. As these people don't provide any emotional support. Rather, they are simply people I do things with (on occasion).